Okay, time for psychic DCUM

[Anonymous]

My two year old is constantly throwing himself on the floor in fits on toddler rage. When will this child realize the world does not revolve around him?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Will I ever lose this baby weight?

I see a woman wearing just a bra and panties. She's reaching into a drawer for fishnet stockings...

She has the stockings in her hand...Now she's dancing around the room, swinging the fishnets around her head like a lasso.

Now she's singing the words to Smack That...



Err...looks like yes.

Hilarious!! Thank you for making my night. Seriously!!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My two year old is constantly throwing himself on the floor in fits on toddler rage. When will this child realize the world does not revolve around him?

Hello dear. Yes, I know it's hard. My crystal ball knows all.

Your child will stop having down-on-the-ground tantrums by age 3. Oh, you'e almost there!

Oh...

Oops...

Yes, dear, sorry, I spoke too soon. Junior will move to table-top tantrums then...

[Anonymous]

My husband promised me a new car in April. We were looking at a 40k Yukon Denali. It is now almost September and I still do not have a new car, what I do have is a new baby to add to the other two we already have. Three kids that is. It seems while looking for a new family car my husband found a motorcycle he wanted and bought as well as a new car for himself! WTF. When will I get my new car?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My husband promised me a new car in April. We were looking at a 40k Yukon Denali. It is now almost September and I still do not have a new car, what I do have is a new baby to add to the other two we already have. Three kids that is. It seems while looking for a new family car my husband found a motorcycle he wanted and bought as well as a new car for himself! WTF. When will I get my new car?

You will get a new car in a new program initiated under the Obama plan. It is called, “You don’t get sex or your motorcycle until you get me my fricken’ Denali”. It is an excellent program. Your husband will buy you your Denali within 12 days. You will have make-up sex with him on the motorcycle.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My husband promised me a new car in April. We were looking at a 40k Yukon Denali. It is now almost September and I still do not have a new car, what I do have is a new baby to add to the other two we already have. Three kids that is. It seems while looking for a new family car my husband found a motorcycle he wanted and bought as well as a new car for himself! WTF. When will I get my new car?

You will get a new car in a new program initiated under the Obama plan. It is called, “You don’t get sex or your motorcycle until you get me my fricken’ Denali”. It is an excellent program. Your husband will buy you your Denali within 12 days. You will have make-up sex with him on the motorcycle.

[Anonymous]

Will DC's acceptance into a Big 3 school finally gain me entry into Washington's elite social circles?

[zumbamama]

I have several days of "vacation" left. Will it get any better or can I go home now?

[Anonymous]

zumbamama wrote:I have several days of "vacation" left. Will it get any better or can I go home now?

Best go home now dearie. You knew the vacation was over once you draped those quotation marks around it. Hobble home and start some laundry loads. Getting things nice and neat will help you forget the "holidays".

[Anonymous]

My husband confessed that he only married me to gain control over our (yet unborn) baby and that he never loved me. Will I find love again after our divorce?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Will DC's acceptance into a Big 3 school finally gain me entry into Washington's elite social circles?

Put down the framed acceptance letter dearie...

No, I mean it. Put it down.

You have already given off an air of clawing desperation to the other parents at the welcome cocktail reception. You need to do everything possible to shake your parasitic image on opening day. First off, please GOD don't mention your rental in Nantucket anymore. That was 2 years ago. When people are talking about summer, they are talking about THIS SUMMER. And please please please stop mentioning how you're "in the process" of joining the Chevy Chase Country Club. You took a look at the courts from outside the fence. That's it.

Dearie, I am afraid the social circles of which you speak are very very hard to enter. You will need far more than a Big 3 acceptance letter to join. You best satisfy yourself with a good book club.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My husband confessed that he only married me to gain control over our (yet unborn) baby and that he never loved me. Will I find love again after our divorce?

Oh dear, I hope you are pulling psychic DCUM's crystal ball.

Dear, I see you happy again. Like the fetus inside you, your personal strength and courage grows each day, and you will make it through these difficult days. On the other end, you will have a baby that loves you, and a you that loves you a bit more too. You are destined for love again. Psychic DCUM is never wrong.

[Anonymous]

What size will my son wear next summer? He is 2 at the end of June. He is in the 95 percentile for height and 50th for weight. He's in 18 month shirts now, and still in 12 month pants. I bought a bunch of Gymboree 2T for next summer, but it runs big. Think it'll fit him?

[Anonymous]

will I be happy cutting my long hair chin length?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What size will my son wear next summer? He is 2 at the end of June. He is in the 95 percentile for height and 50th for weight. He's in 18 month shirts now, and still in 12 month pants. I bought a bunch of Gymboree 2T for next summer, but it runs big. Think it'll fit him?

That was a little dicey, no dear? Okay, let's look into my crystal ball. Oh, I see the little lamb now. Isn't he an angel?

I see him in his high chair. He's crying for a peach Gogurt... Mommy is throwing celery stalks at him...

He's saying he's hungry.. Mommy is handing him a carrot and saying something about the plaid cargo shorts set won't fit...

Dearie, did you keep the receipt?