When did school become so much work for parents?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We have 3 kids, one in ES and two younger ones. The ES kid seems to have some 'activity' we have to do every week in addition to homework. Many times it involves getting some supply or going out for something we don't have. For example, this week we're supposed to keep the class pet and take photos with him. There's a book everyone writes in and put the photos. Photos means a trip to target or some other place like it to stand in line and print them. Last week we were supposed to come in to read a special story. Then it's wear a certain thing day or print pictures of your family and do x.y.z. Next week it's bring things and volunteer for the holiday party. I don't mean to sound grinchy but do teachers not realize that parents have a zillion things to do and adding one more random errand to the mix for no real purpose is so irritating. I only work very PT and I feel overwhelmed with all the stuff. I can only imagine how people with more demanding jobs feel. It also seems kind of insensitive to assume people have the time/resources to do all this. I don't do everything they ask of course but I also don't want my kiddo to miss out so I do try to do as much as I can. Thanks for letting me vent DCUM!

lower expectations on yourself -

-- photo with class pet - print out on home printer in color, you don't need an actual photo on photo paper

-- wear something specific - ask your kid to pick something out to wear, go with what he picks unless it's inappropriate, if he doesn't want to participate after you encourage it, be ok with that

-- story reading - it's an invite, not a summons, so if you can't do it, you can't do it, you won't be able to go to everything and you don't need to

-- bring things for party- volunteer for the easiest item and pick up on your grocery run

-- party volunteer - again it's an invite, not a summons

Love this post. OP, heed this. These are not orders, they're requests, unless they're for an academic assignment, and even then, keep it simple (like printing out a photo on paper on your regular printer as mentioned above--no need to go stand in line for a printer somewhere. That's just making work for yourself.).

These things do drop away as kids get older; by around third to fifth grade there will be less that parents are asked to help with, fewer parent volunteers needed for class events, etc. But most kids do like to see a parent at school, participating at least once in a while. You don't have to read a book every time the opportunity comes up, and you don't have to be there in person for every class party and so on. But if you can do it consistently, though not often, it's good; it sends a signal to your kids that you value school too, and school is a place where you, not just your kids, are part of the group. If you give off a vibe that "it's all just a hassle" then your kids will pick up on that--not something you really want them to feel about school, right? .

As for supplies, I'd ask the teacher what to expect the rest of the year -- do we need to stock up on plain posterboard because it'll be used on a couple of things between now and June? And so on. Make yourself the other parents' hero and volunteer to get a list from the teacher and distribute it by e-mail to parents.

By the way, you mentioned how the teacher doesn't understand that these are more irritating errands and requests. Keep in mind, when it comes to things like parties etc. it's usually not the teacher asking for these things but a room parent, so please don't lay it at the teacher's feet if the teacher isn't the one organizing. And if the teacher IS the one having to arrange stuff like volunteering and contributions for parties, your class's parents need to organize a room parent system to take that stuff off the teacher's plate.

[Anonymous]

My kid had to do the class pet journal in preschool and we had so much fun with it. I was working full time back then. We had the weekend to do it though. I printed pictures at CVS and it took 5 minutes. It really was not a big deal. We could just as easily have printed the pictures on our home printer, which many of the other families did.

These projects are made to be fun, not be a chore.

[Anonymous]

Email the pet pictures to the teacher. She can print them out from school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:its over the top in wealthy areas.

after raising 2, I think that schools should be a PARENT-FREE zone.

it is crazy what parents do, and at our high school it was entirely women, and stay at home women, all meetings were 9:30 in the morning.

Parent Free zones? So no PTA. No fundraising, no book fairs, no community service projects, no after school classes, no athletic boosters, no volunteering in classes with 28 kids to 1 parent? How about recess aides where there are 250 kids out and only 1-2 aides. Who do you think stuffs all your kids cubbies with papers, who photocopies flyers and worksheets. Who puts together the parties - the teachers do not have time for that.

Just because you can't do it doesn't mean other parents shouldn't.

You do realize that our ES PTA gets about $25K a year on average. Each teacher gets $300 for school supplies. We purchased more chrome books so they don't have to share. All FARMS kids have free field trips and $10 to purchase books at the book fair. Every school activity (dance nights, talent show, skating night, bingo, etc..) are all free for kids and parents. Rentals for chorus and instramental productions. Assemblies and guest speakers during the school day paid for. Playground equipment, games for indoor recess, a bigger fridge for the teacher's lounge.

But yes, let's not involve the parents. They are just in the way.

Exactly PP. People who say this have no idea how much parents are involved behind the scenes to keep the school running. All they seem to see are projects they deem useless.

I am a single working mother and I am one of the most active parents in the school. I have a demanding job but I do what I can to rearrange my schedule to help in the class or with the PTA or wherever is needed. This often means working at night once DS is in bed.

It is all about what is important to you personally. And frankly I am not here to judge the value other parents place on certain things. If you don't place value on helping in school, that is really fine but don't complain about others who do.
Maybe your thing it cooking a fresh hot meal every night and that is where you spend your time. There is no way I could do that 7 days a week. There are days when we have take out or eat leftovers. In fact the thought of cooking every night makes me want to cry.
But I would never put you down for your choice. In fact I am in awe of those of you who manage to do it. Not my thing, but still a great thing.

Let's put money aside for a minute, b/c we all have varying amounts. However, what we all have in common is that we have only 24 hours to spend each day. What we choose to spend those hours on is a very personal thing so let's not judge others. Especially not those who are willing to help in the schools our children attend.

As for the original question, it has always been the case. My mother used to come on field trips, my dad use with help with projects. Parents have always been involved through the years and to varying degrees.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
I don't get it. This is your kid. Demanding, yes. Hard to do because you've had a long day at work and this is extra, yes. But what you do here, what you add to the school, will make all the difference. This is not the laissez-faire world we all grew up in. It is dog-eat-dog. Do you want your kid to thrive? Suck it up and do the right thing -- which is everything that can help your kids succeed.

And THIS is how we ended up with a bunch of entitled millennials who have parents calling college professors about grades and following up on their child's job interviews.

Don't do this. Let them do some things on their own. And contrary to this poster, I would advise not doing every little thing.

[Anonymous]

Stop stressing, OP, and don't go to everything. I don't! i think you still have the preschool mindset where parents are supposed to to attend all events. In elementary school, a small number of parents do almost everything. Most people come and go and do what works for them.

And, by the way, I have never ever gone to Target to print a picture! Home printer! If I were out of ink, I'd ask a friend. When kids need costumes for school, we use what we have or ask neighbors. If you keep it easy and stress-free, it's a lot more enjoyable.

[Anonymous]

To us, also 3 kids in ES, I make things easy...I take pictures for the Star of the Week poster with my cell phone, email it to myself, open email on the home computer and push "print" - NO standing in Target to get pics developed and it's instant and free (minus the price of colored ink).

In-school things - I try and volunteer as much as possible, but when I can't I have the kids come with me to buy or make something to contribute and they proudly bring it in - a bag of M&Ms for the gingerbread house party for example.

[Anonymous]

How about this

Let your kid(s) do the work only

Stupid helicoptering morons on here

[Anonymous]

I hear you OP. We both work full time to be able to put a roof over our heads and share one car. The kids have great extracurriculars afterschool but when we get home, between dinner and homework and a few chores it doesn't feel like I have a lot of time or energy or imagination for the shoebox Navajo museum display my kid needs supplies for. Then there is a sports game to attend, a field trip to escort, I am having to skip more stuff this year (kids are elementary) so I am not the first one on the layoff chopping block.
Thank god we moved to a school that does not do the DC science fair, that damn posterboard killed my Mother's Day weekend four years in a row.
Photos - take a thumb drive to CVS (maybe it is time to buy a home printer?)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:its over the top in wealthy areas.

after raising 2, I think that schools should be a PARENT-FREE zone.

it is crazy what parents do, and at our high school it was entirely women, and stay at home women, all meetings were 9:30 in the morning.

Parent Free zones? So no PTA. No fundraising, no book fairs, no community service projects, no after school classes, no athletic boosters, no volunteering in classes with 28 kids to 1 parent? How about recess aides where there are 250 kids out and only 1-2 aides. Who do you think stuffs all your kids cubbies with papers, who photocopies flyers and worksheets. Who puts together the parties - the teachers do not have time for that.

Just because you can't do it doesn't mean other parents shouldn't.

You do realize that our ES PTA gets about $25K a year on average. Each teacher gets $300 for school supplies. We purchased more chrome books so they don't have to share. All FARMS kids have free field trips and $10 to purchase books at the book fair. Every school activity (dance nights, talent show, skating night, bingo, etc..) are all free for kids and parents. Rentals for chorus and instramental productions. Assemblies and guest speakers during the school day paid for. Playground equipment, games for indoor recess, a bigger fridge for the teacher's lounge.

But yes, let's not involve the parents. They are just in the way.

I agree Parents should stay out of middle school and high school. In those schools it is tiger moms pushing for heir snowflakes

[Anonymous]

I thought there was a pretty big learning curve when my oldest entered kindergarten. I had to be much more involved than I had been in preschool. I was surprised because I actually thought that things would get a bit easier.

After a few years, I have realized that it really isn't that much stuff. It's just that when you are first starting out, every thing throws you for a loop. For example, we just have posterboard, rulers, markers, etc. in our home now so I don't have to make special trips. We have a few go to people for fundraisers, so we call them when that comes up.
There are also only three parties a year in most schools: Halloween, winter/Christmas, and Valentines Day. You can figure out the dates for these parties years in advance if you need to. Teacher workdays are also posted several months in advance, so you can ask for them off work, get a sitter, do whatever you need to do. If you are working PT, maybe you can adjust the days you work one week if you can give several months notice.
I have never received a request to read a story, but I have for other volunteer things. This is the only thing that drives me insane because it's usually so last minute. I don't know how other people do this, but I have small children, and I work part time. It is really hard for me to get off work OR to arrange childcare for something in the middle of the day 5 days from now. I have started bringing my own small children to the library or gym (whichever is not being used) and offering childcare for other volunteers. That seems to be a good contribution.

[Anonymous]

Whoa folks - OP here. Didn't mean to start an attack thread (although maybe inevitable on DCUM). I'm not lazy and uninvolved nor do I have time management issues. I have three kids, five and under, one with special needs and one still an infant. DH works a very demanding job so I'm the primary caretaker and organizer of all the services for our DS with special needs while trying to do my own work and fun stuff for the kids in between. I do go to a lot of school activities and I am emailing several times a week with the K teacher about issues related to DS (her initiating and me responding, not me pestering her). DS does all his homework and we very much emphasize the importance of school and the family being a part of all of our kids' education. That said, what I'm complaining about is the making work that is totally unnecessary and not related to any educational goal. Yes it's special to do pajama day, no it's not special to have a new project every week that requires something "extra." It becomes routine for the kids and it is annoying to add something completely non-essential to the to do list. Even small stuff like worksheets - we're supposed to print everything at home because the school is trying to be "green." Hello, if we have to print it and hand it in how is that any greener than them doing it? I've always attended class parties, helped to bring things in and volunteer to read or come for a special day to help. Those things are a joy and something I am grateful I get to do as a mom. I guess I'm just complaining about the more routine stuff and all the expectations that seem relentless. Good to know from others that maybe it tapers off as they get older.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What a waste of your Harvard education.

Not the PP but if you received a death sentence, I doubt you would still work or care about your Harvard education. Some people enjoy living in the now. I SAH for 8 years and I am now back PT. Will go back FT when they in college. Life is too short to see your kids 1-2 hours a day and feel like you are actually parenting them. Why have kids if you let others raise them and then bitch when you need to do something for them, or see them in a play, watch their Halloween parade, or (gasp) actually help a teacher.

News flash OP. Teachers expectations haven't changed. Moms have. Big difference.

Funny, I have never had a teacher come to my place of employment, free of charge, to do bullshit grunt work. Why should I take time out of my work to be some teachers bitch for a day?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:its over the top in wealthy areas.

after raising 2, I think that schools should be a PARENT-FREE zone.

it is crazy what parents do, and at our high school it was entirely women, and stay at home women, all meetings were 9:30 in the morning.

Parent Free zones? So no PTA. No fundraising, no book fairs, no community service projects, no after school classes, no athletic boosters, no volunteering in classes with 28 kids to 1 parent? How about recess aides where there are 250 kids out and only 1-2 aides. Who do you think stuffs all your kids cubbies with papers, who photocopies flyers and worksheets. Who puts together the parties - the teachers do not have time for that.

Just because you can't do it doesn't mean other parents shouldn't.

You do realize that our ES PTA gets about $25K a year on average. Each teacher gets $300 for school supplies. We purchased more chrome books so they don't have to share. All FARMS kids have free field trips and $10 to purchase books at the book fair. Every school activity (dance nights, talent show, skating night, bingo, etc..) are all free for kids and parents. Rentals for chorus and instramental productions. Assemblies and guest speakers during the school day paid for. Playground equipment, games for indoor recess, a bigger fridge for the teacher's lounge.

But yes, let's not involve the parents. They are just in the way.

Oh my fucking god. Do you realize 95% of what you have listed here is the makework bullshit people are talking about, right?
PTA...the world will continue revolving without it, trust me
Fundraising..again, not necessary.
All that paper that gets lost in the bottom of my DC backpack? Yeah, that won't be missed.
Athletic booster? School is for education. Sports should not be entangled public education.
Parties? Maybe you should get a job, if you need this to fill your time.
Oh, and teachers should be out watching kids at recess. They get their own lunch period, they should be watching students during lunch and stop wasting more tax payer money with aids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What a waste of your Harvard education.

Not the PP but if you received a death sentence, I doubt you would still work or care about your Harvard education. Some people enjoy living in the now. I SAH for 8 years and I am now back PT. Will go back FT when they in college. Life is too short to see your kids 1-2 hours a day and feel like you are actually parenting them. Why have kids if you let others raise them and then bitch when you need to do something for them, or see them in a play, watch their Halloween parade, or (gasp) actually help a teacher.

News flash OP. Teachers expectations haven't changed. Moms have. Big difference.

Funny, I have never had a teacher come to my place of employment, free of charge, to do bullshit grunt work. Why should I take time out of my work to be some teachers bitch for a day?

Don't worrry, you aren't a teacher's bitch - you are a selfish clueless bitch

Schools are highly funded by PTA's and helped with volunteers because the ratios are high. This benefits your child. If you choose not to be the teacher's bitch because no one is helping you at your job, so be it.