Post Halloween question about costume appropriateness

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I didn't think the costume was that bad. From op's initial description I was thinking it would be way worse.

LOL. Would love to see a pic of a "worse" costume.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have one PK and one 1st grade student in a public school this year. There was a school-sponsored Halloween event a few days before the holiday where the whole school was invited. Two or three kids in older grades wore grotesque and scary masks. They were so inappropriate that my 4 year old screamed for her life and came shaking and crying into my arms and we basically has to hide from the kids the whole time and left early. Now, she's sensitive, but she's definitely in the range of normal. Am I totally unreasonable to expect parents to set limits on what their kids can wear to school events where they know the pre-K kids will be present? Why would any parent think it's okay to let their kid wear a mask that I find creepy? Now, on Halloween out on your own, wear whatever you want. That's the hazard of the holiday, but I have a hard time believing I'll totally forget that 3, 4, 5, and 6 year olds can be really spooked by bloody zombie freaky masks. It's so antisocial.

I think your expectation that costumes not be scary is unreasonable. It sounds like your child is sensitive and like your solution to that challenge is to shelter her from things that scare her rather than help her work through being frightened without, you know, telling other people's kids what they are and are not allowed to wear. My response in this situation would be, "Oh, it's okay, sweetie! It's just a scary mask. A lot of kids like to wear creepy scary masks at Halloween, but under the mask, they're just kids like you!"

Your parenting issue doesn't need to become the school's issue.

Thank you for this reasonable response. Many people have expressed the same sentiment in unnecessarily rude language. She is a normal level of sensitive and we can't shelter her from everything, I realize. I just wanted to be able to enjoy the school party but we'll abstain and I'm not throwing a fit like PPs have suggested. I never presumed to tell other people's kids anything. I just wondered why other parents didn't consider the entire student body. As I stated before, my child was not the only one (by a long shot) very scared by some of the costumes. And obviously I said something along the lines of what you did... that doesn't help a terrified preschooler much when the child is running back and forth around her. So, yeah, we left.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have one PK and one 1st grade student in a public school this year. There was a school-sponsored Halloween event a few days before the holiday where the whole school was invited. Two or three kids in older grades wore grotesque and scary masks. They were so inappropriate that my 4 year old screamed for her life and came shaking and crying into my arms and we basically has to hide from the kids the whole time and left early. Now, she's sensitive, but she's definitely in the range of normal. Am I totally unreasonable to expect parents to set limits on what their kids can wear to school events where they know the pre-K kids will be present? Why would any parent think it's okay to let their kid wear a mask that I find creepy? Now, on Halloween out on your own, wear whatever you want. That's the hazard of the holiday, but I have a hard time believing I'll totally forget that 3, 4, 5, and 6 year olds can be really spooked by bloody zombie freaky masks. It's so antisocial.

I think your expectation that costumes not be scary is unreasonable. It sounds like your child is sensitive and like your solution to that challenge is to shelter her from things that scare her rather than help her work through being frightened without, you know, telling other people's kids what they are and are not allowed to wear. My response in this situation would be, "Oh, it's okay, sweetie! It's just a scary mask. A lot of kids like to wear creepy scary masks at Halloween, but under the mask, they're just kids like you!"

Your parenting issue doesn't need to become the school's issue.

Thank you for this reasonable response. Many people have expressed the same sentiment in unnecessarily rude language. She is a normal level of sensitive and we can't shelter her from everything, I realize. I just wanted to be able to enjoy the school party but we'll abstain and I'm not throwing a fit like PPs have suggested. I never presumed to tell other people's kids anything. I just wondered why other parents didn't consider the entire student body. As I stated before, my child was not the only one (by a long shot) very scared by some of the costumes. And obviously I said something along the lines of what you did... that doesn't help a terrified preschooler much when the child is running back and forth around her. So, yeah, we left.

Reasonable response=agrees with me.

You mean why didn't a 10 year old think about your child when selecting his costume? Because it's HALLOWEEN-- the entire holiday is based around scary and kids. That some kids dress up as rainbow dash is the non-traditional form of the event. Your kid is at an elementary school. If you think they shouldn't be participating in elementary school functions that involve the whole school, you should pull your kid out for the day.

[Anonymous]

FOr security reasons at my DC;s school, masks are not allowed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have one PK and one 1st grade student in a public school this year. There was a school-sponsored Halloween event a few days before the holiday where the whole school was invited. Two or three kids in older grades wore grotesque and scary masks. They were so inappropriate that my 4 year old screamed for her life and came shaking and crying into my arms and we basically has to hide from the kids the whole time and left early. Now, she's sensitive, but she's definitely in the range of normal. Am I totally unreasonable to expect parents to set limits on what their kids can wear to school events where they know the pre-K kids will be present? Why would any parent think it's okay to let their kid wear a mask that I find creepy? Now, on Halloween out on your own, wear whatever you want. That's the hazard of the holiday, but I have a hard time believing I'll totally forget that 3, 4, 5, and 6 year olds can be really spooked by bloody zombie freaky masks. It's so antisocial.

I think your expectation that costumes not be scary is unreasonable. It sounds like your child is sensitive and like your solution to that challenge is to shelter her from things that scare her rather than help her work through being frightened without, you know, telling other people's kids what they are and are not allowed to wear. My response in this situation would be, "Oh, it's okay, sweetie! It's just a scary mask. A lot of kids like to wear creepy scary masks at Halloween, but under the mask, they're just kids like you!"

Your parenting issue doesn't need to become the school's issue.

I totally agree with this. OP, what do you expect will happen if you avoid things that aren't actually dangerous, but that your child is afraid of? It's just going to maintain--and possibly even strengthen--those fears over time. Basically, by avoiding, it doesn't allow your child corrective experiences where she sees the scary masks, but learns that nothing bad will actually happen.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have one PK and one 1st grade student in a public school this year. There was a school-sponsored Halloween event a few days before the holiday where the whole school was invited. Two or three kids in older grades wore grotesque and scary masks. They were so inappropriate that my 4 year old screamed for her life and came shaking and crying into my arms and we basically has to hide from the kids the whole time and left early. Now, she's sensitive, but she's definitely in the range of normal. Am I totally unreasonable to expect parents to set limits on what their kids can wear to school events where they know the pre-K kids will be present? Why would any parent think it's okay to let their kid wear a mask that I find creepy? Now, on Halloween out on your own, wear whatever you want. That's the hazard of the holiday, but I have a hard time believing I'll totally forget that 3, 4, 5, and 6 year olds can be really spooked by bloody zombie freaky masks. It's so antisocial.

I think your expectation that costumes not be scary is unreasonable. It sounds like your child is sensitive and like your solution to that challenge is to shelter her from things that scare her rather than help her work through being frightened without, you know, telling other people's kids what they are and are not allowed to wear. My response in this situation would be, "Oh, it's okay, sweetie! It's just a scary mask. A lot of kids like to wear creepy scary masks at Halloween, but under the mask, they're just kids like you!"

Your parenting issue doesn't need to become the school's issue.

Thank you for this reasonable response. Many people have expressed the same sentiment in unnecessarily rude language. She is a normal level of sensitive and we can't shelter her from everything, I realize. I just wanted to be able to enjoy the school party but we'll abstain and I'm not throwing a fit like PPs have suggested. I never presumed to tell other people's kids anything. I just wondered why other parents didn't consider the entire student body. As I stated before, my child was not the only one (by a long shot) very scared by some of the costumes. And obviously I said something along the lines of what you did... that doesn't help a terrified preschooler much when the child is running back and forth around her. So, yeah, we left.

Reasonable response=agrees with me.

You mean why didn't a 10 year old think about your child when selecting his costume? Because it's HALLOWEEN-- the entire holiday is based around scary and kids. That some kids dress up as rainbow dash is the non-traditional form of the event. Your kid is at an elementary school. If you think they shouldn't be participating in elementary school functions that involve the whole school, you should pull your kid out for the day.

Yep. No, why didn't the 10 year old's parents think about the fact that it's a school event and there are 3 year olds at the school. The party was not a scary party. No haunted anything, just games and food. And yes, I've already said we won't attend the party for the foreseeable future. Why do you people intentionally skip over things and misread or whatever in order to get yourselves more incensed so you can believe I'm some kind of irrational weirdo? This site has jumped the f'ing shark.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have one PK and one 1st grade student in a public school this year. There was a school-sponsored Halloween event a few days before the holiday where the whole school was invited. Two or three kids in older grades wore grotesque and scary masks. They were so inappropriate that my 4 year old screamed for her life and came shaking and crying into my arms and we basically has to hide from the kids the whole time and left early. Now, she's sensitive, but she's definitely in the range of normal. Am I totally unreasonable to expect parents to set limits on what their kids can wear to school events where they know the pre-K kids will be present? Why would any parent think it's okay to let their kid wear a mask that I find creepy? Now, on Halloween out on your own, wear whatever you want. That's the hazard of the holiday, but I have a hard time believing I'll totally forget that 3, 4, 5, and 6 year olds can be really spooked by bloody zombie freaky masks. It's so antisocial.

I think your expectation that costumes not be scary is unreasonable. It sounds like your child is sensitive and like your solution to that challenge is to shelter her from things that scare her rather than help her work through being frightened without, you know, telling other people's kids what they are and are not allowed to wear. My response in this situation would be, "Oh, it's okay, sweetie! It's just a scary mask. A lot of kids like to wear creepy scary masks at Halloween, but under the mask, they're just kids like you!"

Your parenting issue doesn't need to become the school's issue.

I totally agree with this. OP, what do you expect will happen if you avoid things that aren't actually dangerous, but that your child is afraid of? It's just going to maintain--and possibly even strengthen--those fears over time. Basically, by avoiding, it doesn't allow your child corrective experiences where she sees the scary masks, but learns that nothing bad will actually happen.

I have no problem not exposing my child to horror flicks and the images that come from them until they are old enough where I don't have control over that. I don't think it's good parenting to force a 4 year old to look at horrifying images like that in some misguided attempt to toughen them up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have one PK and one 1st grade student in a public school this year. There was a school-sponsored Halloween event a few days before the holiday where the whole school was invited. Two or three kids in older grades wore grotesque and scary masks. They were so inappropriate that my 4 year old screamed for her life and came shaking and crying into my arms and we basically has to hide from the kids the whole time and left early. Now, she's sensitive, but she's definitely in the range of normal. Am I totally unreasonable to expect parents to set limits on what their kids can wear to school events where they know the pre-K kids will be present? Why would any parent think it's okay to let their kid wear a mask that I find creepy? Now, on Halloween out on your own, wear whatever you want. That's the hazard of the holiday, but I have a hard time believing I'll totally forget that 3, 4, 5, and 6 year olds can be really spooked by bloody zombie freaky masks. It's so antisocial.

I think your expectation that costumes not be scary is unreasonable. It sounds like your child is sensitive and like your solution to that challenge is to shelter her from things that scare her rather than help her work through being frightened without, you know, telling other people's kids what they are and are not allowed to wear. My response in this situation would be, "Oh, it's okay, sweetie! It's just a scary mask. A lot of kids like to wear creepy scary masks at Halloween, but under the mask, they're just kids like you!"

Your parenting issue doesn't need to become the school's issue.

I totally agree with this. OP, what do you expect will happen if you avoid things that aren't actually dangerous, but that your child is afraid of? It's just going to maintain--and possibly even strengthen--those fears over time. Basically, by avoiding, it doesn't allow your child corrective experiences where she sees the scary masks, but learns that nothing bad will actually happen.

I have no problem not exposing my child to horror flicks and the images that come from them until they are old enough where I don't have control over that. I don't think it's good parenting to force a 4 year old to look at horrifying images like that in some misguided attempt to toughen them up.

I'm the PP above. No one mentioned horror films, since those have a lot of other elements that aren't age-appropriate; I was only commenting on Halloween masks. This is what CBT does, FWIW, for kids with phobias--it exposes them to whatever they're afraid of, in a gradual way. For example, starting with not so scary masks, and working their way up to more scary masks.

I have no reason to believe your child actually has a phobia (a strong fear that's causing a significant amount of stress or interference in a child's life), but just saying that this is the process when such fears become more debilitating.

And, FWIW, I have a kid who just turned 5, and who is a little sensitive but was not bothered by these at all on Halloween--nor did I see any other kids that were that afraid of masks. You have to ask yourself how reasonable it would be to request that older kids not wear masks that are deemed "too scary" when a reaction such as your child's seems a bit more extreme than most kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have one PK and one 1st grade student in a public school this year. There was a school-sponsored Halloween event a few days before the holiday where the whole school was invited. Two or three kids in older grades wore grotesque and scary masks. They were so inappropriate that my 4 year old screamed for her life and came shaking and crying into my arms and we basically has to hide from the kids the whole time and left early. Now, she's sensitive, but she's definitely in the range of normal. Am I totally unreasonable to expect parents to set limits on what their kids can wear to school events where they know the pre-K kids will be present? Why would any parent think it's okay to let their kid wear a mask that I find creepy? Now, on Halloween out on your own, wear whatever you want. That's the hazard of the holiday, but I have a hard time believing I'll totally forget that 3, 4, 5, and 6 year olds can be really spooked by bloody zombie freaky masks. It's so antisocial.

I think your expectation that costumes not be scary is unreasonable. It sounds like your child is sensitive and like your solution to that challenge is to shelter her from things that scare her rather than help her work through being frightened without, you know, telling other people's kids what they are and are not allowed to wear. My response in this situation would be, "Oh, it's okay, sweetie! It's just a scary mask. A lot of kids like to wear creepy scary masks at Halloween, but under the mask, they're just kids like you!"

Your parenting issue doesn't need to become the school's issue.

I totally agree with this. OP, what do you expect will happen if you avoid things that aren't actually dangerous, but that your child is afraid of? It's just going to maintain--and possibly even strengthen--those fears over time. Basically, by avoiding, it doesn't allow your child corrective experiences where she sees the scary masks, but learns that nothing bad will actually happen.

I have no problem not exposing my child to horror flicks and the images that come from them until they are old enough where I don't have control over that. I don't think it's good parenting to force a 4 year old to look at horrifying images like that in some misguided attempt to toughen them up.

I'm the PP above. No one mentioned horror films, since those have a lot of other elements that aren't age-appropriate; I was only commenting on Halloween masks. This is what CBT does, FWIW, for kids with phobias--it exposes them to whatever they're afraid of, in a gradual way. For example, starting with not so scary masks, and working their way up to more scary masks.

I have no reason to believe your child actually has a phobia (a strong fear that's causing a significant amount of stress or interference in a child's life), but just saying that this is the process when such fears become more debilitating.

And, FWIW, I have a kid who just turned 5, and who is a little sensitive but was not bothered by these at all on Halloween--nor did I see any other kids that were that afraid of masks. You have to ask yourself how reasonable it would be to request that older kids not wear masks that are deemed "too scary" when a reaction such as your child's seems a bit more extreme than most kids.

P.S. You mentioned in your OP that you were also scared of the masks. Kids pick up on these cues--I wonder if your kid could tell you were also creeped out? If you looked visibly afraid, avoided the kids with the "inappropriate" masks, and left early, this could also be sending a message to your kid that gee, there WAS something to be afraid of, since even you was scared. Just food for thought.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have one PK and one 1st grade student in a public school this year. There was a school-sponsored Halloween event a few days before the holiday where the whole school was invited. Two or three kids in older grades wore grotesque and scary masks. They were so inappropriate that my 4 year old screamed for her life and came shaking and crying into my arms and we basically has to hide from the kids the whole time and left early. Now, she's sensitive, but she's definitely in the range of normal. Am I totally unreasonable to expect parents to set limits on what their kids can wear to school events where they know the pre-K kids will be present? Why would any parent think it's okay to let their kid wear a mask that I find creepy? Now, on Halloween out on your own, wear whatever you want. That's the hazard of the holiday, but I have a hard time believing I'll totally forget that 3, 4, 5, and 6 year olds can be really spooked by bloody zombie freaky masks. It's so antisocial.

I think your expectation that costumes not be scary is unreasonable. It sounds like your child is sensitive and like your solution to that challenge is to shelter her from things that scare her rather than help her work through being frightened without, you know, telling other people's kids what they are and are not allowed to wear. My response in this situation would be, "Oh, it's okay, sweetie! It's just a scary mask. A lot of kids like to wear creepy scary masks at Halloween, but under the mask, they're just kids like you!"

Your parenting issue doesn't need to become the school's issue.

I totally agree with this. OP, what do you expect will happen if you avoid things that aren't actually dangerous, but that your child is afraid of? It's just going to maintain--and possibly even strengthen--those fears over time. Basically, by avoiding, it doesn't allow your child corrective experiences where she sees the scary masks, but learns that nothing bad will actually happen.

I have no problem not exposing my child to horror flicks and the images that come from them until they are old enough where I don't have control over that. I don't think it's good parenting to force a 4 year old to look at horrifying images like that in some misguided attempt to toughen them up.

I'm the PP above. No one mentioned horror films, since those have a lot of other elements that aren't age-appropriate; I was only commenting on Halloween masks. This is what CBT does, FWIW, for kids with phobias--it exposes them to whatever they're afraid of, in a gradual way. For example, starting with not so scary masks, and working their way up to more scary masks.

I have no reason to believe your child actually has a phobia (a strong fear that's causing a significant amount of stress or interference in a child's life), but just saying that this is the process when such fears become more debilitating.

And, FWIW, I have a kid who just turned 5, and who is a little sensitive but was not bothered by these at all on Halloween--nor did I see any other kids that were that afraid of masks. You have to ask yourself how reasonable it would be to request that older kids not wear masks that are deemed "too scary" when a reaction such as your child's seems a bit more extreme than most kids.

P.S. You mentioned in your OP that you were also scared of the masks. Kids pick up on these cues--I wonder if your kid could tell you were also creeped out? If you looked visibly afraid, avoided the kids with the "inappropriate" masks, and left early, this could also be sending a message to your kid that gee, there WAS something to be afraid of, since even you was scared. Just food for thought.

at your whole post

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have one PK and one 1st grade student in a public school this year. There was a school-sponsored Halloween event a few days before the holiday where the whole school was invited. Two or three kids in older grades wore grotesque and scary masks. They were so inappropriate that my 4 year old screamed for her life and came shaking and crying into my arms and we basically has to hide from the kids the whole time and left early. Now, she's sensitive, but she's definitely in the range of normal. Am I totally unreasonable to expect parents to set limits on what their kids can wear to school events where they know the pre-K kids will be present? Why would any parent think it's okay to let their kid wear a mask that I find creepy? Now, on Halloween out on your own, wear whatever you want. That's the hazard of the holiday, but I have a hard time believing I'll totally forget that 3, 4, 5, and 6 year olds can be really spooked by bloody zombie freaky masks. It's so antisocial.

I think your expectation that costumes not be scary is unreasonable. It sounds like your child is sensitive and like your solution to that challenge is to shelter her from things that scare her rather than help her work through being frightened without, you know, telling other people's kids what they are and are not allowed to wear. My response in this situation would be, "Oh, it's okay, sweetie! It's just a scary mask. A lot of kids like to wear creepy scary masks at Halloween, but under the mask, they're just kids like you!"

Your parenting issue doesn't need to become the school's issue.

I totally agree with this. OP, what do you expect will happen if you avoid things that aren't actually dangerous, but that your child is afraid of? It's just going to maintain--and possibly even strengthen--those fears over time. Basically, by avoiding, it doesn't allow your child corrective experiences where she sees the scary masks, but learns that nothing bad will actually happen.

I have no problem not exposing my child to horror flicks and the images that come from them until they are old enough where I don't have control over that. I don't think it's good parenting to force a 4 year old to look at horrifying images like that in some misguided attempt to toughen them up.

I'm the original PP with the "reasonable" response.

No one is "forcing" you to make your 4yo look at "horrifying images." You took her to a party where some kids were wearing masks. By your own admission, it wasn't a "scary" party - no scare games, haunted houses, etc. There were some kids who were wearing scary masks, and your kid couldn't handle that. When my kid can't handle a social situation for whatever reason, if I can't work with her to figure out a way to make it enjoyable for her, we go home. She's a few years older than your daughter, though, and I completely understand that a lot of development happens between 4 and 7.

To me, this is an opportunity for next year. Talk about it throughout the year. When your daughter is choosing her costume for next year, talk about how some kids pick scary costumes because that's a thing that happens at Halloween. Remind her that under the scary costumes are just regular kids. I can definitely understand how a child who has not been exposed to any scary imagery would find scary/gory masks alarming, but I think that you need to be proactive and prepare your kids for stuff like this. Your child is in an elementary school, not a preschool containing only 3 and 4yo, and you have to accept that all-school activities are going to be skewed toward the middle grades, not the early ones.

For what it's worth, I have a first grader who, at 3, was scared of all "scary" stuff but at 6, she LOVES scary stuff. So it could change between now and next year, and it's really important that you give her a safe space to react in her own way and not shelter her from normal experiences.

[Anonymous]

Our public school just makes a no masks, no weapons rule.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have one PK and one 1st grade student in a public school this year. There was a school-sponsored Halloween event a few days before the holiday where the whole school was invited. Two or three kids in older grades wore grotesque and scary masks. They were so inappropriate that my 4 year old screamed for her life and came shaking and crying into my arms and we basically has to hide from the kids the whole time and left early. Now, she's sensitive, but she's definitely in the range of normal. Am I totally unreasonable to expect parents to set limits on what their kids can wear to school events where they know the pre-K kids will be present? Why would any parent think it's okay to let their kid wear a mask that I find creepy? Now, on Halloween out on your own, wear whatever you want. That's the hazard of the holiday, but I have a hard time believing I'll totally forget that 3, 4, 5, and 6 year olds can be really spooked by bloody zombie freaky masks. It's so antisocial.

[Anonymous]

Because of parents like you, OP, our school cancelled Halloween festivities altogether. If your kids are easily scared, don't bring them to events like that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have one PK and one 1st grade student in a public school this year. There was a school-sponsored Halloween event a few days before the holiday where the whole school was invited. Two or three kids in older grades wore grotesque and scary masks. They were so inappropriate that my 4 year old screamed for her life and came shaking and crying into my arms and we basically has to hide from the kids the whole time and left early. Now, she's sensitive, but she's definitely in the range of normal. Am I totally unreasonable to expect parents to set limits on what their kids can wear to school events where they know the pre-K kids will be present? Why would any parent think it's okay to let their kid wear a mask that I find creepy? Now, on Halloween out on your own, wear whatever you want. That's the hazard of the holiday, but I have a hard time believing I'll totally forget that 3, 4, 5, and 6 year olds can be really spooked by bloody zombie freaky masks. It's so antisocial.

Nice. You rolling your eyes at a 4 year old. Good on you.