Texting in carpool WWYD?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Stop overthinking this. Just find a different arrangement and then say to her "We've decided not to do carpool anymore beginning next Monday. We've found a different arrangement that works better for our family. See you at school fundraiser (or whenever)!"

OP here: So I told her something like the above, that we're out b/c it doesn't work so well for us. But I offered to continue driving her kid for a couple weeks, so she has time to figure something out. I get an email back asking if I'll just drive her kid all year because I'm putting her in a bind.

No question, just an update. I know what to do.

She is a user and a selfish person, just like all the texting and driving people are. I had my DC in a carpool with another child, I pulled her out if it. I now see the same mom at school and if I am behind her she always misses green lights, and I can clearly see she is texting all the time. I don't care our kids are on the same team, I honk.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Stop overthinking this. Just find a different arrangement and then say to her "We've decided not to do carpool anymore beginning next Monday. We've found a different arrangement that works better for our family. See you at school fundraiser (or whenever)!"

OP here: So I told her something like the above, that we're out b/c it doesn't work so well for us. But I offered to continue driving her kid for a couple weeks, so she has time to figure something out. I get an email back asking if I'll just drive her kid all year because I'm putting her in a bind.

No question, just an update. I know what to do.

And what are you going to do? I think you should tell her about the texting (not that you asked...).

OP here again. So, what I did is just stick to my guns and tell her no, I cannot drive your child all year, sorry for the inconvenience. I know, I know, I should have told her the truth about why we were pulling out, and I was a complete wussy about it. I didn't want to have that uncomfortable conversation with her. I've been advised that I should have been straightforward, and I think it's true. I just didn't do it.

Anyway, I am completely relieved to have taken care of the problem. My transportation schedule is much less convenient now, but that's fine. My kids got the message that when I say no phone usage by the person in the driver's seat, I mean it.

Appreciate the DCUM comments, especially as a reality check that I wasn't completely overreacting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here: Thank you for the input. Yes, we are leaving the carpool. I haven't decided yet whether I'm going to tell the other mom why we're doing this, but I will offer to continue driving her kid one way for a few weeks, so as not to leave her in a lurch. Mostly, I need my kids--brand new driver and nearly 12-year-old--to understand that we mean it when we say no texting in the driver's seat.

Please tell her. There are other kids in the car-- consider not just your safety but the safety of those other kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not voice. Yes, could be at a stoplight. Is that ok? That's a serious question. I have a zero tolerance policy with texting in the car, partly because I have teens who drive and this is what I insist on with them. Too rigid ? Are you comfortable with texting at red lights with kids in the car?

I'll send short texts at the red light "on our way, lots of traffic" to give a heads up. Car isn't moving, I don't see the danger.

Me too. Is that bad? Serious question. Never while the car is moving and always voice text. I don't read while the car is moving.

+1

I do this too and I can't see why it's dangerous at all. I completely put the phone down before driving and I keep an eye on the lights so I know before it will change.

Oh, come on, this is BS! I highly doubt that you always "completely put the phone down." NO TEXT IS THAT URGENT.

I am on the busy roads 495 and 66 every day, and there is so much texting/phone use. Just put your phones in the backseat, or get your child to text if it's that urgent. I doubt it's that urgent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not voice. Yes, could be at a stoplight. Is that ok? That's a serious question. I have a zero tolerance policy with texting in the car, partly because I have teens who drive and this is what I insist on with them. Too rigid ? Are you comfortable with texting at red lights with kids in the car?

I'll send short texts at the red light "on our way, lots of traffic" to give a heads up. Car isn't moving, I don't see the danger.

Me too. Is that bad? Serious question. Never while the car is moving and always voice text. I don't read while the car is moving.

+1

I do this too and I can't see why it's dangerous at all. I completely put the phone down before driving and I keep an eye on the lights so I know before it will change.

Oh, come on, this is BS! I highly doubt that you always "completely put the phone down." NO TEXT IS THAT URGENT.

I am on the busy roads 495 and 66 every day, and there is so much texting/phone use. Just put your phones in the backseat, or get your child to text if it's that urgent. I doubt it's that urgent.

Why would I lie? I don't do it often, but when I do it's coordinating drop offs/picks ups (time sensitive) and I truly am stopped at a light and see how many seconds I have until the light changes.

I agree that I see tons of people texting *while* driving and that is scary stuff.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not voice. Yes, could be at a stoplight. Is that ok? That's a serious question. I have a zero tolerance policy with texting in the car, partly because I have teens who drive and this is what I insist on with them. Too rigid ? Are you comfortable with texting at red lights with kids in the car?

I'll send short texts at the red light "on our way, lots of traffic" to give a heads up. Car isn't moving, I don't see the danger.

So you are the stupid b&$@h who sits there when the light turns green because you are staring at you phone. That is still illegal in Maryland and I hope you get caught.

I hope you go back to finish school one day.

[Anonymous]

You should tell her why! It could save a life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You should tell her why! It could save a life.

Why do you think telling her why would save any lives? Do you honestly think that up till now this 40-ish woman has never been clued in to the risks of texting and driving? She knows, she disagrees. My telling her is not going to prompt a behavior change. Her child is the only other one in the car; she has already chosen to put her at risk.

[Anonymous]

OP, is she driving anyone else's kids? You should tell those parents as well.

[Anonymous]

I'm another one who does text at red lights but only the long intersections. I absolutely never text or finish a text when I am driving.

[Anonymous]

I have texted at red lights before, but I *cannot* imagine doing it with someone else's kid in the car! I wish you had told her, OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
NP. You've articulated perfectly how and why texting at red lights is dangerous. I wouldn't let my child spend another minute in her car. If you pull out of carpooling, I hope you tell her why. There needs to be a cultural shift in attitudes about texting while driving-- more shame, like there is now for DUI.

agree 100%. texting and driving is deadly. I know 1 person killed by texting driver and another killed while texting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, is she driving anyone else's kids? You should tell those parents as well.

+1

You have a responsibility to do this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You should tell her why! It could save a life.

Why do you think telling her why would save any lives? Do you honestly think that up till now this 40-ish woman has never been clued in to the risks of texting and driving? She knows, she disagrees. My telling her is not going to prompt a behavior change. Her child is the only other one in the car; she has already chosen to put her at risk.

it might change her behavior from embarrassment.

[Anonymous]

No phone in hands ever in car unless your car is in park. My daughter is 15 and she will text for me, or I will call hands free, or I get off the road, put the car in park and text.

Anything else is distracted driving and is punishable with a fine. Do you want your teen texting at every red light anyway? That is a slippery slope.