Texting in carpool WWYD?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you think it's unsafe and don't want her to do it, your only choice is to leave the carpool. If she asks why you're leaving, you can nicely tell her the reason and say it's about your comfort level (sort of putting it on you). But unless she's a dimwit she'll realize that it's really her behavior.

I'm ok with SHORT texts at red lights. Not while the car is moving.

It's not OK. It's illegal in Maryland and the District.

[Anonymous]

I would not continue with the carpool.

[Anonymous]

I carpool and I make sure not to even pick up my phone during the drive. Not for music at red lights. Nothing.

When I'm alone I sometimes text at red lights. So I'm not against that, per se.

I would ask her about the texting. And ask her if she minds not doing it while the kids are in the car. It's ok to ask. I'd want someone to ask me.

[Anonymous]

She won't stop, even if you ask. More importantly, you won't be able to relax because you won't know.

Leave the carpool, and say why (agree with making it about your comfort level). It'll be weird, sure, but better that than an accident involving your kid.

[Anonymous]

I would absolutely not continue letting my child ride in her car.
If you have the courage, I'd tell her why.
But if you don't want to, or don't have that kind of relationship, you don't have to.

[Anonymous]

Texting while driving is seriously dangerous. I would take my kid out of her car right away.

[Anonymous]

I'd end the carpool. If she asks, I'd say why.
"You text while you are driving, and I think that is unsafe, and know that it is illegal."

[Anonymous]

Texting while driving (even at red lights) is illegal and very dangerous. What else is she doing? Distracted driving is very serious!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I know it's not voice because DS told me he sees her typing and picking up texts when the phone pings. The ones she has sent to me are not necessary, like "running late." An example was along the lines of "Your DS told me he has a great guitar teacher. I need one for DD can you recommend"
The problem I have with texting at a light is that there's too much tendency to finish up the text just as you're accelerating, or puck the phone back up to finish as you're rolling to the next stop, etc. it's distracted driving.
But we can disagree about whether this is safe and appropriate. Assume it's something you feel is unsafe. How do you diplomatically handle the situation with the other driver?

NP. You've articulated perfectly how and why texting at red lights is dangerous. I wouldn't let my child spend another minute in her car. If you pull out of carpooling, I hope you tell her why. There needs to be a cultural shift in attitudes about texting while driving-- more shame, like there is now for DUI.

[Anonymous]

I would leave the carpool.

[Anonymous]

OP, I agree with other PPs here because it's just one of those things that is too dangerous and you cannot police it. It's not worth the convenience of the carpool situation.

As an aside, it will also teach your kid that this is an important standard for you. Don't know how old your kids are but mine are teens now, and really, it's not what you say, it's what you do, that gets through to them. It's a great lesson for him, actually a few lessons: that you value his safety over your convenience, that you do not tolerate texting while driving, that you've listened to your son and done something based on his feedback...great lessons.

btw, I recommend telling your son what to say if asked, so he doesn't inadvertently step into the adult situation here. You want to be managing the message.

[Anonymous]

I also agree to leave the carpool and tell the mom why you're leaving. You don't have to be sanctimonious when you tell her.

FWIW, I was on a girls trip with friends recently and the driving friend (whom I've know since we were teenagers) kept texting the whole time and it was making me crazy. I did not say anything but she knows me well enough that she could tell it was bothering me. I know she must do it all the time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, I agree with other PPs here because it's just one of those things that is too dangerous and you cannot police it. It's not worth the convenience of the carpool situation.

As an aside, it will also teach your kid that this is an important standard for you. Don't know how old your kids are but mine are teens now, and really, it's not what you say, it's what you do, that gets through to them. It's a great lesson for him, actually a few lessons: that you value his safety over your convenience, that you do not tolerate texting while driving, that you've listened to your son and done something based on his feedback...great lessons.

btw, I recommend telling your son what to say if asked, so he doesn't inadvertently step into the adult situation here. You want to be managing the message.

I agree. Your son tells you a driver is texting...how can you let him stay in the carpool? We have a few "full stop" rules for our teens and other drivers and they know they are not to ride with anyone who texts.

[Anonymous]

Op here: Thank you for the input. Yes, we are leaving the carpool. I haven't decided yet whether I'm going to tell the other mom why we're doing this, but I will offer to continue driving her kid one way for a few weeks, so as not to leave her in a lurch. Mostly, I need my kids--brand new driver and nearly 12-year-old--to understand that we mean it when we say no texting in the driver's seat.

[Anonymous]

Stop overthinking this. Just find a different arrangement and then say to her "We've decided not to do carpool anymore beginning next Monday. We've found a different arrangement that works better for our family. See you at school fundraiser (or whenever)!"