My daughter is extremely sensitive and I have some worries.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op, one sign of giftedness is this intense empathy/feeling the injustice others may be suffering. To me, and I'm no expert, your daugher may be gifted and this may be one of the manifestations. It becomes a problem when these feelings affect her and cause her to feel depressed.

I have a gifted friend with similar traits and as she got older, she had a more difficult time coping with her strong feelings of empathy. I think your daughter just needs some tools from a knowledgeable professional to help her cope with these feelings as she gets older.

Interesting. DS is gifted but he actually lacks empathy or at least a deep empathy.

[Anonymous]

Your daughter should not be running around playing Lady Bountiful. Inappropriate.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your daughter should not be running around playing Lady Bountiful. Inappropriate.

She's a little kid! She did what she thought was the right thing to do - give her a break. We need more of this little kid than you! The world would be a much better place.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There are children like this who occasionally approach my daughter, who is disabled. They run up and hug her because they want to "sympathize" with her. But my daughter is not sad and she does not require pity and sympathy. Anymore than some black stranger required a hug and gum.

There's something kind of weird and tasteless about what your daughter is doing. It's not sensitivity. I'm not trying to be mean, but if your daughter truly cares about BLM, take her to marches. If she truly cares about homeless animals, get her involved.

Stewing in her own emotions is not a sign of sensitivity. In fact, what she's doing can be downright insensitive. It's a sign of self-involvement. It's inward focused, not outward focused.

I agree that there's a need for perhaps some therapy here, or at least some thoughtful dialogue.

I disagree with you, I do think she's sensitive and outward focused. Sensitive people aren't happily indulging in the feelings they absorb from others. It can be stressful for them and it's very draining. My brother has a physical disability and he got a lot of blank stares and name calling in his life. I'm sure he would have much appreciated a random hug instead. Children are still learning how to handle and deal with emotions. Give them a break, insensitive they are not.

Well of course my daughter would prefer hugs to stares and name calling. But is there not another alternative: being treated with the dignity and casual friendliness of any child her age is entitled to?

As someone who is permanently physically disabled, and has gotten stares and name calling all my life, I agree with the PP that it's inward focused and not so much empathetic. There is a huge movement in the disability community to remove the "you're so brave, you're such an inspiration" title people like to place on disabled people. We want to be treated normally, like everyone else. So running up to hug us or tells us "way to go" or "you're so inspiring" or "you should be so proud" is actually quite degrading. It makes the attention on the speaker, to show what a nice person he/she is. I don't want people talking to me or approaching me this way, so I imagine a black person would find it totally weird to have that Target interaction. It is definitely crossing a line.

Stella Young gave a wonderful talk on this very issue, it is from the perspective of the handicap being approached by able bodied, maybe it would help to hear from one of us how we think.

https://youtu.be/8K9Gg164Bsw

+1.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your daughter should not be running around playing Lady Bountiful. Inappropriate.

She's a little kid! She did what she thought was the right thing to do - give her a break. We need more of this little kid than you! The world would be a much better place.

Sorry, I don't want anyone giving me a piece of gum and a hug because they feel sorry for me and want to cry. I'd much rather get a High Five and a You Rock! I'm a survivor, not a victim.

[Anonymous]

I'm like this OP and it led to a great career in social justice but it also led to a lot of anxiety and depression. So it's good to be on the look out for it. It's not possible to say from your post whether she has those issues now but probably good for her to be evaluated every once in awhile for those issues or at least if she seems to be wallowing too much.

[Anonymous]

I think you have a very caring daughter. I bet she is learning how to deal with all of the feelings she is having, so it may take some time for her to figure out how to react to them. I saw where one poster mentioned gifted and talented (GT), and I was thinking the same thing as I read your post. GT children show their "giftedness" in many different ways. I suggest that you talk to your daughter's school counselor. Most schools have screening tools to determine what further testing might be helpful.

I also like the idea of teaching her to pray for some of the people she might think are sad or hurting. Hopefully she will learn that God is in control and she can put her thoughts and concerns in a prayer to Him and ask Him to take care of whatever is going on.

You sound like a very caring mom who only wants the very best for her daughter. I hope you get some answers when you talk to the counselor. Blessings to you and your daughter.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
This 10 year old's behavior is outside of the range of normal. It is handicapping her socio-emotional development to a significant degree, and MUST be addressed, because all the smarts and diplomas in the world will not compensate.

As you suspected, this is a case for the pediatric psychologist, for a full evaluation, then possibly, the pediatric psychiatrist, for medication, if recommended by the psychologist. Additionally there may be specific therapies that will be recommended.

Good luck, OP.

MEDICATION??? Are you kidding me?

First response is psych eval and meds. Pathetic.

OP, your daughter is very similar to mine. It sounds like there is some mild anxiety mixed in with all the wonderful empathy. You just need for her to always talk, always know the world isn't perfect, and she can't change everything. My daughter had a tough 12/13yrs old. She has always been sweet and kid-like and the daggers came out with all the kids those ages. Mine just wanted to still play and have fun and really had a hard time adjusting to teen world. She just wasn't ready. But she is 15 now and has come into her own. We get a ton of compliments on how fun, articulate and truly caring she is. A rare find in a young teen.

Embrace your daughter's personality. Treat any mild anxiety with a lot of dialogue, love, and reassurance. Tell for anytime her thoughts focus more on possible sad things to let you know. We were able work on everything with ourselves and some school guidance counselors. We purchased some self help books too. I thought seeing a "shrink" at 12/13 would have made her worry more than she needed to or really thought she was abnormal. Looking back and asking her, she was so thankful we didn't send her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your daughter should not be running around playing Lady Bountiful. Inappropriate.

She's a little kid! She did what she thought was the right thing to do - give her a break. We need more of this little kid than you! The world would be a much better place.

Sorry, I don't want anyone giving me a piece of gum and a hug because they feel sorry for me and want to cry. I'd much rather get a High Five and a You Rock! I'm a survivor, not a victim.

You are hotrible and what makes this country at its worst.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op, one sign of giftedness is this intense empathy/feeling the injustice others may be suffering. To me, and I'm no expert, your daugher may be gifted and this may be one of the manifestations. It becomes a problem when these feelings affect her and cause her to feel depressed.

I have a gifted friend with similar traits and as she got older, she had a more difficult time coping with her strong feelings of empathy. I think your daughter just needs some tools from a knowledgeable professional to help her cope with these feelings as she gets older.

Interesting. DS is gifted but he actually lacks empathy or at least a deep empathy.

He probably is loosely on the spectrum.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your daughter should not be running around playing Lady Bountiful. Inappropriate.

She's a little kid! She did what she thought was the right thing to do - give her a break. We need more of this little kid than you! The world would be a much better place.

Sorry, I don't want anyone giving me a piece of gum and a hug because they feel sorry for me and want to cry. I'd much rather get a High Five and a You Rock! I'm a survivor, not a victim.

+100 The fact that OP finds this indicative of empathy, rather than indicative of a shocking level of sheltered-ness, bothers me a lot. Does this child have no one in her life to counteract the stereotype of the poor downtrodden Black person? Not a pediatrician, a teacher, a neighbor?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There are children like this who occasionally approach my daughter, who is disabled. They run up and hug her because they want to "sympathize" with her. But my daughter is not sad and she does not require pity and sympathy. Anymore than some black stranger required a hug and gum.

There's something kind of weird and tasteless about what your daughter is doing. It's not sensitivity. I'm not trying to be mean, but if your daughter truly cares about BLM, take her to marches. If she truly cares about homeless animals, get her involved.

Stewing in her own emotions is not a sign of sensitivity. In fact, what she's doing can be downright insensitive. It's a sign of self-involvement. It's inward focused, not outward focused.

I agree that there's a need for perhaps some therapy here, or at least some thoughtful dialogue.

Well let's just hope no one approaches your daughter then. I mean honestly. SN parents are insane. I think the main reason kids can not form relationships with any SN kids is because of their parents who want every interaction so peticular that you are ALWAYS disappointed. Most complain of lack of empathy. Now we have too much empathy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your daughter should not be running around playing Lady Bountiful. Inappropriate.

She's a little kid! She did what she thought was the right thing to do - give her a break. We need more of this little kid than you! The world would be a much better place.

Sorry, I don't want anyone giving me a piece of gum and a hug because they feel sorry for me and want to cry. I'd much rather get a High Five and a You Rock! I'm a survivor, not a victim.

You are hotrible and what makes this country at its worst.

+1

[Anonymous]

OP, most of this country is losing their empathy, to see outside of their own being, and to be true, sweet, and helpful. Do not let some of these type of people bring your daughter down to their level. There are some angry, bitter people in this world and the best thing you can teach your daughter to is ignore them and say a small prayer for them instead. No different than this thread and some of the angry responses you have received.

[Anonymous]

I didn't read all the responses, but I was your daughter. In a way, I'm still your daughter. Every story affects me deeply as if it's my own. I get broken down over the stories of others, I don't handle my bad stuff well either. I see how bad I feel about something and then think about everyone else in my situation who has it worse and absorb their pain too. It has led to a life of hurt.

I don't think your daughter needs medication. Validate her feelings, help her channel them in volunteering or other forms, maybe take her to a therapist to help her get in touch with her feelings and figuring out how to control them. It's not a bad idea to help her navigate what is appropriate (BLM movement, what to do, how to raise awareness, etc.) and reaching out to strangers for hugs--not OK.