My daughter is extremely sensitive and I have some worries.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:While you are working on the larger issues, I hope you are also teaching her not to touch strangers. That she would go up to a strange man and hug him is pretty disturbing.

To be clear. She said hello to this man and offered him some gum. She was wearing a team t-shirt and he asked her if she liked baseball and if that was her favorite team. They chatted about that for a minute and then he gave her a "fist bump" and she gave him a side hug. I was about six feet away. I guess I should have been more descriptive in the OP but it was getting long as it is. If she were walking up to random strangers and hugging them out of the blue I would be a lot more alarmed. She gets her chattiness from me. I talk to everyone and am friendly.

This is really the least of my worries as it was a one off. I am more worried about her developing depression later in life as another poster suggested. I am also worried about how to navigate talking to her about our friend who has cancer.

I really like the suggestion about her focusing on one cause. That way she might feel as if she is helping. Instead of feeling overwhelmed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am like this OP. Try to teach her that she doesn't have to take on everyone's problems and that they need to work through their own things. It always helps me when I'm reminded I don't HAVE to feel bad for everything and everyone. I feel others' pain as if it's my own. It's a terrible burden, esp when young. Def get her therapy and possibly anxiety meds and tell her that grown ups don't need children to make them feel better. That's going down a dangerous path.

Thank you for your reply. Like I said in the OP I am like this also to an extent.

I agree about telling her grown ups don't need children to make them feel better. We did talk to her about that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What a good hearted girl!
Are you religious? If so maybe you could teach her to say a little prayer for someone when she knows they are suffering- that way she feels like she is doing something helpful and hopefully will not dwell on it so much. If not, then maybe just positive thoughts or well wishes?

Additionally, she could earn money from you and make a little donation to causes that would make her feel better.

My mom always said to "offer it up." I think we may have interpreted it slightly different than intended, but to me it meant to say a prayer for the suffering animal or whatever and allow god to do the worrying for me. God would take care of it. It did help me as a kid to know that I could notify god of the particular injustice and he'd look into it. I'm not religious anymore, but this idea still comforts me in certain situations.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
This 10 year old's behavior is outside of the range of normal. It is handicapping her socio-emotional development to a significant degree, and MUST be addressed, because all the smarts and diplomas in the world will not compensate.

As you suspected, this is a case for the pediatric psychologist, for a full evaluation, then possibly, the pediatric psychiatrist, for medication, if recommended by the psychologist. Additionally there may be specific therapies that will be recommended.

Good luck, OP.

LOL, oh yes, OP should probably have her daughter lobotomized. Sorry your parents never hugged you, PP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
This 10 year old's behavior is outside of the range of normal. It is handicapping her socio-emotional development to a significant degree, and MUST be addressed, because all the smarts and diplomas in the world will not compensate.

As you suspected, this is a case for the pediatric psychologist, for a full evaluation, then possibly, the pediatric psychiatrist, for medication, if recommended by the psychologist. Additionally there may be specific therapies that will be recommended.

Good luck, OP.

LOL, oh yes, OP should probably have her daughter lobotomized. Sorry your parents never hugged you, PP.

I'm a scientist, I've got experience in the fields of medicine and psychology, so don't scoff like an idiot. OP needs concrete suggestions, and if they're scary, I'm sure she can handle it. She's not made of glass.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
This 10 year old's behavior is outside of the range of normal. It is handicapping her socio-emotional development to a significant degree, and MUST be addressed, because all the smarts and diplomas in the world will not compensate.

As you suspected, this is a case for the pediatric psychologist, for a full evaluation, then possibly, the pediatric psychiatrist, for medication, if recommended by the psychologist. Additionally there may be specific therapies that will be recommended.

Good luck, OP.

LOL, oh yes, OP should probably have her daughter lobotomized. Sorry your parents never hugged you, PP.

I'm a scientist, I've got experience in the fields of medicine and psychology, so don't scoff like an idiot. OP needs concrete suggestions, and if they're scary, I'm sure she can handle it. She's not made of glass.

OP here. I absolutely need suggestions and advice. This is why I posted here.

I also knew it might get a bit snippy as DCUM most often does. But that is okay. My daughter is worth it and I want to be able to ask the right questions and give her the best support possible.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What a good hearted girl!
Are you religious? If so maybe you could teach her to say a little prayer for someone when she knows they are suffering- that way she feels like she is doing something helpful and hopefully will not dwell on it so much. If not, then maybe just positive thoughts or well wishes?

Additionally, she could earn money from you and make a little donation to causes that would make her feel better.

My mom always said to "offer it up." I think we may have interpreted it slightly different than intended, but to me it meant to say a prayer for the suffering animal or whatever and allow god to do the worrying for me. God would take care of it. It did help me as a kid to know that I could notify god of the particular injustice and he'd look into it. I'm not religious anymore, but this idea still comforts me in certain situations.

You know my grandmother used to tell me this. Thank you so much PP, I hadn't even thought to use that with her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you tend to worry, she also could be developing an anxiety disorder by worrying about suffering. I think you are lucky to have her. She is an empath, or a highly sensitive person, but the downside is that she may be prone to depression in the future. It's a hard job of caring in a world where bad things happen left and right. If you teach her boundaries, it might save her some grief. She can empathize with family and friends, but you have to draw the line somewhere. She can pick a specialty as her pet thing to be empathetic about, like animals, and let her indulge in that, but she doesn't need to worry about the homeless, veterans, heart disease, and whatever else there is. They are all worthy causes but she shouldn't spread herself too thin.

Not OP, but I don't understand what you're suggesting. When you say draw the line, you mean what exactly? I don't know how you can stop her from feeling empathy. Or did you mean limit how much time she can talk about it?

No, I'm suggesting that she try to limit her empathy. You can't stop yourself from feeling it, but you can set boundaries on what you will and won't dwell on. For instance, I don't watch the news because it's too depressing. I'm like a sponge and soak up too much and then feel heavy. I also try not to feel too bad when random celebrities die because I don't know them. I did grieve when Prince died, but I had soft spot for him. In other words, don't feel for every Tom, Dick, and Harry. If she doesn't need to know about someone with cancer, then don't tell her. On the other hand, if it's someone close to her, OP should not hold back telling her just because she might have an emotion. You can't prevent someone from feeling things but you can decide in advance what you will or won't focus on.

[Anonymous]

Do her emotions linger and stay or pass?

My youngest sounds a lot like this, though her emotions also tend to pass quickly. I see it as a positive thing. She is a bit scattered, yet consistently has more emotional insight into situations than other children her age or her older sister.

I think you've gotten good advice above, but would just add that you should talk to your daughter about how her empathy can be a force for good in her life. That while it can seem overwhelming at present and she needs to learn to manage it, that it isn't easy for everyone to understand how others are feeling the way she can, and that she can learn to use that intuitive understanding to help others.

Like most traits this one has 2 sides, just don't lose sight of the positive side while focusing on the issues.

[Anonymous]

My son is this way. He is 11, and has gotten better about not dwelling so much on the sadness of the world. At 8 though, he would cry about a schoolmate who could not walk or run, and how unfair and sad he found this. It's interesting because his sister lacks empathy for others.

[Anonymous]

I want to return to the stranger part. How few Black folks must your child have in her life that she feels the need to offer gum to a stranger "so he won't be sad."

It's weird, and the kind of thing that happens when a person only sees Black people on the news or at Target.

[Anonymous]

Just to clarify, OP, synesthesia is not a hallucination. It is sort of like the opposite of being colorblind, if that makes sense. Do read up on it. If your DD has it, she will be in the company of Einstein, Billy Joel and his daughter, numerous musical composers who have heard music in color, Lady Gaga (no kidding), Pharell Williams, and so many others. It mostly enhances peoples' lives, especially musically and with eidetic memory.

If your DD has mirror touch syn, she can get accommodations for some school assignments that would be cruel to put her through, such as dissection in high school biology.

Synesthesia has some very cool neurobiology behind it and most "synnies" cannot imagine what it's like for others to live in a world that is less colorful. It's not something I think about daily, but when I do, I'm grateful for it.

[Anonymous]

Start with a child psychiatrist and get her evaluated. I know it sounds extreme, but you will probably get sent to a CBT therapist, who basically will help her ior help you help her deal with all of these feelinngs. Do not think of it as a problem that needs to be fixed. Think of it as a way to get help in how to handle this situation in the best way.

[Anonymous]

To me it sounds like mild anxiety. I woukd talk to a specialist. Good luck!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:To me it sounds like mild anxiety. I woukd talk to a specialist. Good luck!

I think it is anxiety, too. I think CBT or hypnosis may help. Hypnosis for a child is more like guided meditation.