My daughter is extremely sensitive and I have some worries.

[Anonymous]

My 10 year old daughter is extremely sensitive to suffering in others. Which is a beautiful quality and I never want her to lose it. I just feel that sometimes she becomes so upset and so focused on another persons misery that its bordering on unhealthy for her.

For example a classmate had to rehome their dog and was very upset over it. My daughter was upset too for days and days and would constantly ask if we were going to rehome our cats. And talk about how sad her classmate must be and how sad the dog must be. She got very emotional and it just broke my heart for her. And this isn't an isolated incident. I could list dozens.

She has been distraught over everything surrounding the black lives matter movement, even though she has of course been shielded from the worst of it. She went up to a black man in Target the other day and said hello and offered him some gum. He was incredibly sweet about it and accepted the gum then she hugged him and skipped back over to me just delighted. I asked her why she did such a nice thing and she said she "didn't want him to be sad". I am proud that she is so kind and I told her that but I worry about her too. Not every stranger is going to want a gesture like that. As wonderfully as the man in Target handled it he had to wonder what the heck this little white girl was doing, right?

She cannot stand to see a living thing suffer or feel embarrassment or feel pain. She sort of takes it on herself. If she catches one of those charity commercials on with the animals or hungry children she melts down and cries about how horrible it must be to be hungry or scared and alone. Her father and I reassure her over and over. We talk to her about how there are beings in this world that need our help but we cannot take on the weight of the world. We can only do the best we can. She wants to save all of them.

A family friend has cancer and I am dreading her finding out about it. At the same time I know I need to talk her through it. She is close with this person's children.

Again it is good to have empathy and compassion. She is extremely nurturing and mothering. I feel like she gets this from me and I was also similar to her as a child but not this extreme. Her three other siblings are also sweet and caring but don't exhibit the same misery that she does when she is sad for someone else. I just feel like she is taking on too much of other peoples pain.

There are no other issues. She excels in school and thrives in her extracurricular activities. She has lots of friends and is very outgoing and happy until she takes on someone elses problems as her own.

Does anyone have any advice here? Am I just being a mom here and worrying too much? Any ideas on how I can encourage her kindness but gently steer her from taking on the weight of the world?

[Anonymous]

This 10 year old's behavior is outside of the range of normal. It is handicapping her socio-emotional development to a significant degree, and MUST be addressed, because all the smarts and diplomas in the world will not compensate.

As you suspected, this is a case for the pediatric psychologist, for a full evaluation, then possibly, the pediatric psychiatrist, for medication, if recommended by the psychologist. Additionally there may be specific therapies that will be recommended.

Good luck, OP.

[Anonymous]

What a good hearted girl!
Are you religious? If so maybe you could teach her to say a little prayer for someone when she knows they are suffering- that way she feels like she is doing something helpful and hopefully will not dwell on it so much. If not, then maybe just positive thoughts or well wishes?

Additionally, she could earn money from you and make a little donation to causes that would make her feel better.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
This 10 year old's behavior is outside of the range of normal. It is handicapping her socio-emotional development to a significant degree, and MUST be addressed, because all the smarts and diplomas in the world will not compensate.

As you suspected, this is a case for the pediatric psychologist, for a full evaluation, then possibly, the pediatric psychiatrist, for medication, if recommended by the psychologist. Additionally there may be specific therapies that will be recommended.

Good luck, OP.

MEDICATION??? Are you kidding me?

[Anonymous]

Does she have a form of synesthesia (mirror touch or another)?

This describes my DD with synesthesia perfectly. She is now grown and has learned to manage better over time. Read up on mirror neurons.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Does she have a form of synesthesia (mirror touch or another)?

This describes my DD with synesthesia perfectly. She is now grown and has learned to manage better over time. Read up on mirror neurons.

This. Absolutely this. There is a strong link to empathetic behavior with synesthesia.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Does she have a form of synesthesia (mirror touch or another)?

This describes my DD with synesthesia perfectly. She is now grown and has learned to manage better over time. Read up on mirror neurons.

This. Absolutely this. There is a strong link to empathetic behavior with synesthesia.

Isn't that when someone sees color or tastes sounds? When they see someone being touched and they feel it?

[Anonymous]

If you tend to worry, she also could be developing an anxiety disorder by worrying about suffering. I think you are lucky to have her. She is an empath, or a highly sensitive person, but the downside is that she may be prone to depression in the future. It's a hard job of caring in a world where bad things happen left and right. If you teach her boundaries, it might save her some grief. She can empathize with family and friends, but you have to draw the line somewhere. She can pick a specialty as her pet thing to be empathetic about, like animals, and let her indulge in that, but she doesn't need to worry about the homeless, veterans, heart disease, and whatever else there is. They are all worthy causes but she shouldn't spread herself too thin.

[Anonymous]

There are more than fifty types of synesthesia involving combinations of senses. Mirror touch syn is one. Seeing numbers/letters in color is another etc,

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
This 10 year old's behavior is outside of the range of normal. It is handicapping her socio-emotional development to a significant degree, and MUST be addressed, because all the smarts and diplomas in the world will not compensate.

As you suspected, this is a case for the pediatric psychologist, for a full evaluation, then possibly, the pediatric psychiatrist, for medication, if recommended by the psychologist. Additionally there may be specific therapies that will be recommended.

Good luck, OP.

MEDICATION??? Are you kidding me?

Sure, jump to the portion of my post where I say that this is a mere possibility, and one beyond my expertise. But every option has to be considered and discussed, that's just solid common sense.

My point, which hopefully you caught, is that you should consult a doctor about this. This isn't a plain old case of generalized anxiety. It's something to evaluate and treat (non medically for sure, but medically if need be) ASAP, because it will only get worse if you leave it alone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
This 10 year old's behavior is outside of the range of normal. It is handicapping her socio-emotional development to a significant degree, and MUST be addressed, because all the smarts and diplomas in the world will not compensate.

As you suspected, this is a case for the pediatric psychologist, for a full evaluation, then possibly, the pediatric psychiatrist, for medication, if recommended by the psychologist. Additionally there may be specific therapies that will be recommended.

Good luck, OP.

MEDICATION??? Are you kidding me?

Sure, jump to the portion of my post where I say that this is a mere possibility, and one beyond my expertise. But every option has to be considered and discussed, that's just solid common sense.

My point, which hopefully you caught, is that you should consult a doctor about this. This isn't a plain old case of generalized anxiety. It's something to evaluate and treat (non medically for sure, but medically if need be) ASAP, because it will only get worse if you leave it alone.

I am the OP and that wasn't me.

I thank you and the others for advice. My DH and I have already spoken to her pediatrician about this and asked if she should see psychologist. Her pediatrician didn't think it was an issue beyond a sweet and sensitive little girl but we still think it may be a good idea just in case.

The advice about prayer and donating are very good ones! We are catholic and I feel this will help her feel like there is at least something she can do.

Also thank you for the advice about synesthesia. While I don't feel my daughter is having sensory hallucinations I will be sure to bring this up with her doctor.

[Anonymous]

At 10 years old she's way too old to be hugging strange men. I would expect that from a 2 or 3 year old, or an older child with down syndrome. That is so inappropriate at her age.

You need to meet with her doctor and figure out how to get her under control before puberty hits and hormones make this 10 times worse. She needs therapy to learn how to put things in perspective.

[Anonymous]

While you are working on the larger issues, I hope you are also teaching her not to touch strangers. That she would go up to a strange man and hug him is pretty disturbing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you tend to worry, she also could be developing an anxiety disorder by worrying about suffering. I think you are lucky to have her. She is an empath, or a highly sensitive person, but the downside is that she may be prone to depression in the future. It's a hard job of caring in a world where bad things happen left and right. If you teach her boundaries, it might save her some grief. She can empathize with family and friends, but you have to draw the line somewhere. She can pick a specialty as her pet thing to be empathetic about, like animals, and let her indulge in that, but she doesn't need to worry about the homeless, veterans, heart disease, and whatever else there is. They are all worthy causes but she shouldn't spread herself too thin.

Not OP, but I don't understand what you're suggesting. When you say draw the line, you mean what exactly? I don't know how you can stop her from feeling empathy. Or did you mean limit how much time she can talk about it?

[Anonymous]

I am like this OP. Try to teach her that she doesn't have to take on everyone's problems and that they need to work through their own things. It always helps me when I'm reminded I don't HAVE to feel bad for everything and everyone. I feel others' pain as if it's my own. It's a terrible burden, esp when young. Def get her therapy and possibly anxiety meds and tell her that grown ups don't need children to make them feel better. That's going down a dangerous path.