What is the hardest decision you've ever made?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Putting my elderly dog down instead of spending the $3,000 on an emergency surgery that *might* have saved him. At the time, I felt like if I really loved him I should pay for the surgery, damn the cost. However, I couldn't justify the money given that it wasn't that likely to work and that we'd already paid several thousand over the preceding months on vet care that didn't help him. Now I realize I made the right call by letting him go, even if it was for money reasons at the time.

+100. The hardest decision we ever had to make was putting our dog to sleep.

I'm an animal person, and I've had to make that decision a few times. I think, though, that it isn't that that decision is hard in the sense of it's difficult to decide which will lead to the best outcome. It's that that decision is painful, as in you know it's the best and appropriate thing to do (as in things aren't going to get better), but it's extremely gutwrenching to actually do it.

There is a big difference between painful decisions and hard decisions. I consider the hard decisions the ones where it really wasn't obvious which option was the best, as in it was hard figuring out which choice made more sense (perhaps because they both made equal sense).

Those decisions are the ones that lead to more potential for regret. I have had to put to sleep a few dogs, but I don't regret doing it because they were suffering, there was little hope that the suffering would be alleviated by any means, and even if some expensive treatment helped a little, it would really be just very temporary. Those were sad times, but not difficult decisions.

The most difficult decisions had to do with relationships, marriage, and whether or not to have children because in all of those decisions, it's just so difficult to predict the outcome because it involves another person and their choices.

Don't get me wrong. I loved my dogs (and cats). But the most painful thing about putting them down wasn't that I didn't know what to do; it was realizing that they don't live as long as I'd like them to live and there really wasn't anything I could do to change that. I'd say those decisions were painful because they weren't really decisions; they were acknowledging reality.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:- Not reporting my rape in college because I didn't want to let my parents down (yes, that was my thought process). I now regret that decision and wish I had but at that point, I thought it would hurt them too much and I know they wouldn't be okay with me living away from them. It was tough to keep that to myself and to this day, they don't know. It still hurts.

- Finally deciding to fight back against my abusive ex boyfriend. It saved my life although when 911 finally showed up (took a while) they didn't know what my chances would be with how much blood I had lost.

- Deciding to walk away from my fiancé after a devastating miscarriage. He tried to rush me to get over it and didn't understand why I didn't want to immediately try again. He had no idea what losing a baby felt like and despite being perfect in every other way, I knew that I couldn't one day marry this man. I loved him then and part of me still loves him now, but my whole world came crashing down when the miscarriage happened and I still don't know if I've fully recovered from it.

Counseling would have been another option. People respond very differently to grief.

PP here. Not an option when your fiancé is firmly against counseling and thinks it's all fake and BS.

Well then sounds like you made the right call. You said "perfect I every other way," but refusing counseling when you're clearly struggling says something about him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Putting my elderly dog down instead of spending the $3,000 on an emergency surgery that *might* have saved him. At the time, I felt like if I really loved him I should pay for the surgery, damn the cost. However, I couldn't justify the money given that it wasn't that likely to work and that we'd already paid several thousand over the preceding months on vet care that didn't help him. Now I realize I made the right call by letting him go, even if it was for money reasons at the time.

+100. The hardest decision we ever had to make was putting our dog to sleep.

I'm an animal person, and I've had to make that decision a few times. I think, though, that it isn't that that decision is hard in the sense of it's difficult to decide which will lead to the best outcome. It's that that decision is painful, as in you know it's the best and appropriate thing to do (as in things aren't going to get better), but it's extremely gutwrenching to actually do it.

There is a big difference between painful decisions and hard decisions. I consider the hard decisions the ones where it really wasn't obvious which option was the best, as in it was hard figuring out which choice made more sense (perhaps because they both made equal sense).

Those decisions are the ones that lead to more potential for regret. I have had to put to sleep a few dogs, but I don't regret doing it because they were suffering, there was little hope that the suffering would be alleviated by any means, and even if some expensive treatment helped a little, it would really be just very temporary. Those were sad times, but not difficult decisions.

The most difficult decisions had to do with relationships, marriage, and whether or not to have children because in all of those decisions, it's just so difficult to predict the outcome because it involves another person and their choices.

Don't get me wrong. I loved my dogs (and cats). But the most painful thing about putting them down wasn't that I didn't know what to do; it was realizing that they don't live as long as I'd like them to live and there really wasn't anything I could do to change that. I'd say those decisions were painful because they weren't really decisions; they were acknowledging reality.

Well the decision was hard for me, not just painful. Your experiences have clearly been different.

[Anonymous]

Agreeing to support my spouse in applying for jobs in his hometown, that I don't particularly like, knowing if we moved I'd probably be stuck there for 15 years (through High School for youngest.). Has played out as I expected, we are 4 years in, and while I could force a move its a good fit for everyone in the family (including my ILs) except me.

I'm pretty sure it was the right decision, but it was (and is) a damn hard one for me to live with.

[Anonymous]

Haven't made it yet, but it's going to be whether to have 3 kids.

My husband and I would both love to and when I think about my life 15 or 20 years from now, I see it with 3 kids. But we struggle to get pregnant, both work full time, and I know we are so lucky to have two happy, healthy kids.

Even though it hasn't been mentioned here yet, I know I'm not alone in this given that every other thread on DCUM is about whether to take the plunge on #3.

[Anonymous]

Terminating a pregnancy for T21. The entire experience was awful.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Haven't made it yet, but it's going to be whether to have 3 kids.

My husband and I would both love to and when I think about my life 15 or 20 years from now, I see it with 3 kids. But we struggle to get pregnant, both work full time, and I know we are so lucky to have two happy, healthy kids.

Even though it hasn't been mentioned here yet, I know I'm not alone in this given that every other thread on DCUM is about whether to take the plunge on #3.

Deciding whether or not to have a third kid is a happy decision.

[Anonymous]

I'm trying to decide whether to leave my emotionally abusive husband. I'm Catholic, so if I leave him, that's it - I'll be alone for life. I don't want my kids to go through a divorce. And I'm sick/disabled, so I can't actually support us. So many reasons not to leave, but my soul is dying. He is so cruel to me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm trying to decide whether to leave my emotionally abusive husband. I'm Catholic, so if I leave him, that's it - I'll be alone for life. I don't want my kids to go through a divorce. And I'm sick/disabled, so I can't actually support us. So many reasons not to leave, but my soul is dying. He is so cruel to me.

I'll just note that you may find that you have more energy to deal with the sick/disability part of your life when you don't need to spend so much energy protecting your (and presumably your children's) souls from the emotional abuse. Your children will thank you for it later - so long as you're honest with them about why.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm trying to decide whether to leave my emotionally abusive husband. I'm Catholic, so if I leave him, that's it - I'll be alone for life. I don't want my kids to go through a divorce. And I'm sick/disabled, so I can't actually support us. So many reasons not to leave, but my soul is dying. He is so cruel to me.

See book Surviving the Storm (Dalkeith Peess) about divorcing narcissists. He has a section at the end about how it actually fits with Catholic doctrine. I think because abuse is not indicative of it being a real marriage and so it can be annulled? I am not Catholic do I forget the details.

[Anonymous]

Deciding whether or not to switch high schools and if I should stay in an unhappy marriage or not.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Terminating a pregnancy for T21. The entire experience was awful.

I'm so sorry pp.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm trying to decide whether to leave my emotionally abusive husband. I'm Catholic, so if I leave him, that's it - I'll be alone for life. I don't want my kids to go through a divorce. And I'm sick/disabled, so I can't actually support us. So many reasons not to leave, but my soul is dying. He is so cruel to me.

Of course. Catholicism is very good at making women miserable. Think of all the unwanted children born all over this world because the church says not to use birth control. Now the church is keeping you in an abusive marriage. Unbelievable. Such a man made religion.

[Anonymous]

Whether to have an abortion. I was only 5 weeks but was elated when I found out and wanted the baby very, very, very much but the father immediately took off (we were in a committed relationship but he was an immature asshole) and my family would have ostracized me for having it out of wedlock and told me as much. I did go through with it but regretted it for a really long time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:To have a child on my own - single mom by choice style, not an 'oops, now what do I do' situation. Hardest but best decision of my life.

Great for you. Same here but why do you feel the need to clarify is was not an "oops, now what do I do' situation?
Do you think you are a better person or mother b/c you actively made the choice before conceiving?