Your "number": Did you lie to your spouse/SO about it?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When you gave a number to your spouse, did it include only people you had intercourse with? What about oral?

I only included full sex (2) as opposed to oral which would have raised it to 8.

Oral is a grey area. It's "something" but not intercourse.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I told my DH and wish I hadn't; he wa pretty upset my number is 30, even though his is double that. He thought anything over 3 is too high for a woman and ideally I would have been a virgin like his brother's wife (why he even knows that about her is beyond me).

He's over it now but it caused a lot of conflict for awhile. And thank god he got over his whole "men can go have fun while women need to stay home and knit" belief.

What a charmer! Who does he think all the men will be sleeping with if all the women are home knitting? Each other?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Somewhere in the 40s, not counting sex I had with "pros". DW had a very high number, too, and won't even hazard a guess. I like the fact that DW was experienced and it's worked out great for us, except for the fact that our sex life virtually ground to a halt after DS was born. DS is 9 and still insists on sleeping in our bed between us. Guess he doesn't want any siblings.

So you had sex with prostitutes but don't count that in your number? Why not?

[Anonymous]

We have never talked about a number but when first dating did bring up things we have tried or would like to try.

Unless I am missing something, our sex life is very good and frequent. DW knows I have been in love with three other women but nothing about anyone else that was short term. She was married briefly before and dated for about three years before we met so I can imagine.

We do have very good communications skills in terms of expressing desires and areas where things could be improved, which we work on so can't complain.

[Anonymous]

I resented the question because I think it's not his business and I knew I would be judged based on sexist societal double standards. Which I was. It created a big issue and we almost broke up over it. It is one of those marital issues on which we agreed to disagree and disagree to this day. I refused to give an exact number but said the range was 5-10 which was true. His number was one prior to me (dw1).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I resented the question because I think it's not his business and I knew I would be judged based on sexist societal double standards. Which I was. It created a big issue and we almost broke up over it. It is one of those marital issues on which we agreed to disagree and disagree to this day. I refused to give an exact number but said the range was 5-10 which was true. His number was one prior to me (dw1).

You sound angry about it. In terms of it being someone's business, I believe in don't ask don't tell. However, if someone does not believe or enjoy casual sex, wouldn't it be difficult to commit to someone with forty partners?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Somewhere in the 40s, not counting sex I had with "pros". DW had a very high number, too, and won't even hazard a guess. I like the fact that DW was experienced and it's worked out great for us, except for the fact that our sex life virtually ground to a halt after DS was born. DS is 9 and still insists on sleeping in our bed between us. Guess he doesn't want any siblings.

So you had sex with prostitutes but don't count that in your number? Why not?

For one thing, as fun as the experience was at the time, it was usually not memorable (although sometimes it was), so I just don't remember. Secondly, sex with pros just does' mean anything. It doesn't indicate that I was attractive to anyone. Of course, that's not always the case. A few times I ended up hitting it off with a pro and we ended up dating, but that was rare.

[Anonymous]

I lied to DW whose number was three and I was more like 30. She telegraphed that I wasn't getting any (let alone married) if my number was much more than hers. I said "about that" when she said three.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I lied to DW whose number was three and I was more like 30. She telegraphed that I wasn't getting any (let alone married) if my number was much more than hers. I said "about that" when she said three.

Sounds like DW has issues.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Somewhere in the 40s, not counting sex I had with "pros". DW had a very high number, too, and won't even hazard a guess. I like the fact that DW was experienced and it's worked out great for us, except for the fact that our sex life virtually ground to a halt after DS was born. DS is 9 and still insists on sleeping in our bed between us. Guess he doesn't want any siblings.

So you had sex with prostitutes but don't count that in your number? Why not?

For one thing, as fun as the experience was at the time, it was usually not memorable (although sometimes it was), so I just don't remember. Secondly, sex with pros just does' mean anything. It doesn't indicate that I was attractive to anyone. Of course, that's not always the case. A few times I ended up hitting it off with a pro and we ended up dating, but that was rare.

Curious logic. Are you a lawyer?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Lied through my teeth. I was young and embarrassed. Regret the lie to this day. Said 3 real number 7. Married and together 20+ years.

Come clean now! Why not

Or Why?

You're only as sick as your secrets.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Seems like most of the respondents are women and the stock response seems to be something like "It's no big deal, and my DH doesn't care how many dudes I did before I met him." I'm guessing most husbands probably care a LOT more than they let on. There's a reason he didn't ask and it isn't because he loves you just the way you are. He doesn't want to know.

+1

My DH explicitly asked me not to tell. He did not want to know.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When you gave a number to your spouse, did it include only people you had intercourse with? What about oral?

I only included full sex (2) as opposed to oral which would have raised it to 8.

Oral is a grey area. It's "something" but not intercourse.

Oral sex is sex.

[Anonymous]

Um, no, I got married when I was 30, a specific number never really came up for me, and now at 40, I don't even really know what the number is, somewhere between 10 and 20 but too much effort to figure out. M husband's number was zero because before we got together, he dated the same very religious woman (who is super nice, actually) for 12 years.

[Anonymous]

Seems like most of the respondents are women and the stock response seems to be something like "It's no big deal, and my DH doesn't care how many dudes I did before I met him." I'm guessing most husbands probably care a LOT more than they let on. There's a reason he didn't ask and it isn't because he loves you just the way you are. He doesn't want to know.

That's cool, I don't really want to know for him either. Not a big deal, we now have 3 kids and are really busy with work, friends, volunteering, etc. and it is just not something that comes up or that we think about.