He slept with someone else.

[Anonymous]

I thought this was a cheating husband thread from the title.

OP, I think you need some tough love. He slept with someone else when you had been on two dates with him. That is not a problem. He was not committed to you and for all he knew you may have been seeing someone else.

I think he made a bad move in telling you. There was no reason to. When I had that conversation with a now-ex he let it slip that he had been on a date with someone when we were seeing each other in the start, but only in the first few weeks. It made me slightly uncomfortable but I wasn't upset and got over it.

I was in a situation a few years ago when I started dating a guy but wasn't really into him. We just went on a few dates and I had been planning to go out of town to visit a guy Id been seeing when I lived in a different city, who I knew Id be sleeping with. I didn't feel bad about it, but I did end things with the new guy because I wasn't really into him and thought it would be weird to go visit this other guy when I was kind of starting something with him.

So I see where you're coming from. Everyone is different. But if all else is good, I would let this roll off.

[Anonymous]

I am not a person who is comfortable with casual sex. If my wife told me when we started dating that she slept with another guy right after our second date, would not have felt great about it. I would rather not have known. If she had told me at the time, would it have been a deal breaker? Very difficult to say because she has a lot of good qualities but would have definitely felt awkward.

OP, I get the sense that you are trying to rationalize feeling the way that you do. If this is a guy where you believe there is a future, I would talk it through and see how things work out. If this is just a decent guy who might be fun to date, I would move on because this is always going to bug you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Last poster is CRAZY. People date more than one person. It's not like he slept at the same time. In some ways more flattering he ended things with her to continue with her. Being exclusive now is no commitment either. You'll see how things go as they go.

Only two a 12 year old or someone still at that age in maturity.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here. I accidentally left out some information. The woman he was causally dating when he met me is a mutual friend of his best friends girlfriend. He went on three dates with her. He went on two dates with me by the time they slept together but he realized he was more interested in me. Most people keep those things private, but he wanted to tell me in case I found it out later, and thought he was hiding something. I realized I acting ridiculously because he has nothing to be ashamed of. He didn't do anything wrong, and I'm the woman he asked to be exclusive. He a nice guy, maybe a little too honest! We are older - 29 and 32.

So why are you asking if you should be upset if you believe he did nothing wrong?

Or do you only believe he did nothing wrong because a few posters on an anonymous board told you so?

You sound dizzy and a little immature.

This little update doesn't make him sound any better.

You know what you just wrote?

I'm dating a guy who instead of being mature enough to tell his best friend and girlfriend the bff he went on a few dates and had sex with her.

But I feel like I won the prize because teehee he picked me!


Okay. been there. done that. bought the t-shirt. I can tell you like I'd tell my baby sis and girlfriends this is just the tip of the iceberg and I can tell you there is so much more to this story and you won't get to the core of it until you are way deep in with your feelings, and when that happens he'll say " But baby I was honest. I told you about her."

Run.

Just in case you or someone else tries it it has nothing to do with him having other partners.

[Anonymous]

You're overreacting, OP. Maybe that sex with her created feelings in him that helped him to realize how strong his feelings for you are. Fresh start and look forward, not back.

[Anonymous]

OP - sounds like you're very put out by the fact that he had sex with another woman who he found attractive/interesting enough to date instead of being this starry-eyed guy who fell in love with you at first sight. You had a fantasy about how love should unfold and it just didn't involve him falling into bed with a mutual friend, even if you did bond over pasta and champagne (or whatever you did on your dates). He told you about her because he is afraid that you might freak out if you heard it from any source other than him.

[Anonymous]

I always assume that everyone I'm dating is sleeping with other people unless we've had a talk about being exclusive. In fact, I dated/slept with several people when I first started dating my now-boyfriend. Doesn't mean, I wasn't interested in him, just that I didn't know him well enough yet. He was sleeping with other people at the time, too.

I feel totally comfortable with people I'm casually dating sleeping with other people and vice versa, but that's my personal preference. If it feels bad to you, you're entitled to your feelings, but I don't think there's anything objectively wrong with what he did.

[sweetbee1]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How long ago was this?

FWIW, he made a total mistake by telling you.

+1. It was in bad taste and intended to make him feel superior to you.

Disagree. This dirt will come out sooner or later and could have come out when he was angry or after they married and then she'd feel even more betrayed. He told her now because he's giving her the option to stay or leave.

[Anonymous]

Sounds like you are upset and disappointed so own it. It's ok. You don't have to justify or talk yourself out of feeling the way you do. Think about what you really want, not what you ought to do. If you want not to continue with him because of this, then don't.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like you are upset and disappointed so own it. It's ok. You don't have to justify or talk yourself out of feeling the way you do. Think about what you really want, not what you ought to do. If you want not to continue with him because of this, then don't.

+1

[Anonymous]

Wouldn't bother me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wouldn't bother me.

Though it's got to suck for the woman he dumped. But he didn't really do anything wrong.

[Anonymous]

Why in the world did he feel the need to disclose this bit of info with you??!

I am all for honesty in relationships but this was unnecessary in my book.
He had nothing to gain by coming clean, in fact he just caused a dilemma that will haunt you.

I wonder what he thinks to gain by telling you.

[Anonymous]

Don't worry about it op. He is technically single.

I am the exact same Demario except I am the woman who slept with someone else in the early days of dating my now husband. Of course I did t tell him until about 5 years into our marriage when something came up.

J am the most loyal wife you could ever imagine to him and we are happily married ten years later. Yes I was an ass for doing that but technically j was still single and so was he.

I think it stung you for him to tell you but it was an honorable thing to do just in case it came up.

If this is the only thing bothering let it go and know he truly cares about you. If you are truly unhappy and there are ten other things bothering you then move on but personally do t worry about it. He loves you and wants to be exclusive.

Good luck!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Meh. What's the big deal? He's just being open, and he did nothing wrong. Some people appreciate and actually value that kind of openness, and some do not. I personally prefer it, though it means you have to deal with knowing some yucky stuff you really didn't want to or need to. So process it, set it aside, and move forward.

I do. I would dump him.