Initiating sex again after a long drought

[novaguy]

Anonymous wrote:Why do you need her to "give" you a hall pass?
Why haven't you just "declared" the marriage is open?
This would be the only possible way to save your marriage, as most normal/healthy people can not be celibate.

They can, but it takes a lot more commitment to making sex with each other exciting enough to minimize the need for variety. Very, very few couples seem to be able to do this, mainly because it takes both parties to make it work and typically one spouse just isn't interested in putting in the effort. And, no, upping the number of times you give your spouse duty sex per week is not what I'm talking about. It goes a heck of a lot deeper than that.

(Oops...reading comprehension fail on my part. My post is still valid (if you substitute the word monogamous for celibate) just not in response to the quote! I happen to agree with that one.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why do you need her to "give" you a hall pass?
Why haven't you just "declared" the marriage is open?
This would be the only possible way to save your marriage, as most normal/healthy people can not be celibate.

Because I love her, she needs help with her issues, and I don't want to lose my daughter. Having said that, if this goes on long enough and she doesn't make an effort to get help, it won't make this easy. Put another way, I'm no longer judgemental about people who look outside a marriage for intimacy.

[Anonymous]

You love her, she loves you too, so what does that have to do with sex? Sex isn't part of your marriage! Obviously, for your wife, sex has nothing to do with love. You are free to look your wife while meeting your sexual needs outside the marriage.

So help her with her issues, and if she ever decides to be sexually active again you can stop having affairs.

Under what circumstances would you "lose" your daughter? That makes absolutely no sense!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You love her, she loves you too, so what does that have to do with sex? Sex isn't part of your marriage! Obviously, for your wife, sex has nothing to do with love. You are free to look your wife while meeting your sexual needs outside the marriage.

So help her with her issues, and if she ever decides to be sexually active again you can stop having affairs.

Under what circumstances would you "lose" your daughter? That makes absolutely no sense!

Being disingenuous and deliberately obtuse about how things work in the real world isn't notably helpful.

[Anonymous]

Maybe in your real world, a spouse can just ignore your important/legitimate needs without any consequences. But THAT sounds pretty unrealistic to me!