Scared of my husband

[Anonymous]

Ugh, it's hard to post more so you guys can help me without revealing too much about myself and making it easier for my husband to realize it's about him.

The good news is, I'm talking to a counselor, we're in counseling together trying to encourage him to get anger management help, and I'm talking to family and I have a friend here IRL who I can trust to talk with.

I tried to have a rational convo tonight and it quickly devolved into threats and intimidation, as expected. I'll try again in session and see if I can just get him to agree to anger management done privately. I'd agree to go to the flavor of his choice in return just to get him to sit through the sessions, but I'm not even sure it would help him if he is in denial.

It's wonderful to me that there is this group of strangers who are interested in my safety and my kids. Thank you for that ray of light.

[Anonymous]

OP, everything okay over there?
Thinking about you.

[Anonymous]

Haven't read all the posts but have you considered contacting a Catholic Church nearby you-as I recall, Catholic Churches are good for helping out in this kind of situation. I really hope you get the help you need. Just from what I read, you should leave him and I would not worry about a protective order since I think the kind of people who have a protective order sworn out on them will just throw it away. I also don't think I would be doing anything to hurt his job since you will need that money to help you and no need to really have him go over the edge. Unforunately I think you may need to just get away physcially from him and it could mean anonomous travel.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:op, i only sort of know what you are going through and it is hard. i divorced someone with borderline personality disorder (i am convinced, no formal diagnosis). we have joint custody. he is not violent physically, but angry and a bully. i've had to manage and diffuse him for years. many people have been quite critical of the way i've handled him. they think that i "give in" to him. but they honestly do not understand how to deal with people who have personality disorders. with no history of abuse, i could not challenge him for full custody. i went over his behavior extensively with a lawyer and she said that no judge would ever grant me full custody because so much of it is subtle and manipulative and directed at me. of course, there are also the moments when he caused me to loose it in reaction to his insanity--a few episodes of breakdown and/or screaming at him and freaking out. he would bring every one of those episodes up in excruciating detail whenever i made even the slightest suggestion of full custody.

so, here i am, still managing him every day of my life until my child becomes an adult. if i have to do it in order to protect my child, i will. most people do not understand that that is what i am doing. it can be very hard for others to completely grasp how unrelentingly destructive people like this can be to people who are close to them while they seem relatively benign to the outside world.

I agree with this. It's like a huge mind game. If you act a certain way, they act a certain way. You have to act as if you are in agreement with their made up version of themselves or face their wrath. People give advice and you think, 'yeah, that would work if this person were normal.' OP, if you can do it, just placate him and pretend everything is okay until you have an exit plan.

[Anonymous]

OP we are thinking of you. I hope everything is okay....hugs.

[Anonymous]

or you could just kill them with a steak knife when they are sleeping.