Scared of my husband

[Anonymous]

I worked at a domestic abuse and rape crisis center when I was a social worker. You can ask them to please meet you in a neutral location. You generally do not have to go to the shelter to speak with them or to seek counseling. The attorney suggestion is a good one, but only if you know what you want to do; they tend to be expensive too. Counseling services from a shelter are free and they are the experts. Ask about their confidentiality policy. Some shelters are anonymous (hidden from society) and others are not. That makes a huge difference for your safety.

Do you work? If not, you will immediately qualify for welfare and food stamps once you move into a shelter. There is no shame in this. This will help reimburse the shelter for food, utilities, transporting the kids to school, counseling services, etc. They are also well stocked with clothing and other supplies if you end up needing to leave your house in a hurry. Most shelters also have pro-bono attorneys that will help you with restraining orders and/or child visitation issues. They are positioned to help you get back on your feet and better yet, start a new life.

Lastly, know that they will not judge you. It doesn't matter if the abuse is physical, mental, spiritual, sexual, or economical- abuse is abuse and you have the right to leave him at anytime. It takes the average woman to leave a battering partner 7 times before she leaves for good. They know that and will support you through that rough transition.

[Anonymous]

You can also get a pay as you go phone, pay in cash, and don't give your name when you start the service and add minutes. that way you can call for advice and not leave a trail.

[Anonymous]

If you live in Alexandria, let me know. I have some local resources for you.

[Anonymous]

I second the suggestion to contact Weave. They are experienced counselors and can access free legal advice for you as well.

[Anonymous]

OP, if your husband is dangerous, you may find it useful to read "The Gift of Fear" by Gavin de Becker. He has a lot of experience with sociopaths.

[Anonymous]

Family Justice Center in Rockville

One stop shop for child care, housing, cell phone, restraining orders, job help, counseling, you name it.

http://www.montgomerycountymd.gov/fjctmpl.asp?url=/content/fjc/index.asp

[Anonymous]

OP. We are all worried for you. Will you keep us posted, please? Take care.

[Anonymous]

I am not a lawyer but I am 99% sure that anything you tell your lawyer is protected by attorney client privlege. I think that only if they believe you are going to kill someone are they obligated to turn you in.

I understand you don't want to get him fired, because you will need the child support.

Please talk to a lawyer first. $300 for an hour initial consultation. It will be worth it.

If you do go to a shelter it will probably make your case later even stronger. Your lawyer can tell you that.

[Anonymous]

Is this Siam?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I need confidential help about a scary situation. If I go to a women's shelter for advice, is it confidential? What I am afraid of would also cost my husband his govt job if he was found out. I need to ask some specific questions but know that no one is going to take that question and send a cop to my house to follow up on it. Who could I go to?

I s there family you can go to? Just for shelter at this point?

[Anonymous]

Unless you or your children are in imminent danger (in which case, call the police right now!), I also think you should consult w/ a domestic violence shelter and lawyer. In most DV situations, the perpetrator becomes the most violent when the partner leaves. PLEASE let the professionals help you make a plan to extricate yourself SAFELY. Also, if he is a sociopath, should he really have this gov't job?

[Anonymous]

Even if we wish he didn't have a govt job, the OP needs child support. So she is not going to want to get him fired.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I worked at a domestic abuse and rape crisis center when I was a social worker. You can ask them to please meet you in a neutral location. You generally do not have to go to the shelter to speak with them or to seek counseling. The attorney suggestion is a good one, but only if you know what you want to do; they tend to be expensive too. Counseling services from a shelter are free and they are the experts. Ask about their confidentiality policy. Some shelters are anonymous (hidden from society) and others are not. That makes a huge difference for your safety.

Do you work? If not, you will immediately qualify for welfare and food stamps once you move into a shelter. There is no shame in this. This will help reimburse the shelter for food, utilities, transporting the kids to school, counseling services, etc. They are also well stocked with clothing and other supplies if you end up needing to leave your house in a hurry. Most shelters also have pro-bono attorneys that will help you with restraining orders and/or child visitation issues. They are positioned to help you get back on your feet and better yet, start a new life.

Lastly, know that they will not judge you. It doesn't matter if the abuse is physical, mental, spiritual, sexual, or economical- abuse is abuse and you have the right to leave him at anytime. It takes the average woman to leave a battering partner 7 times before she leaves for good. They know that and will support you through that rough transition.

This is really good advice.

[Anonymous]

Losing his job might also push a sociopath over the edge....

[Anonymous]

Just wanted to say that I'm thinking of you. I'm glad you're seeking help. Stay strong--there are a lot of resources out there!