I saw your nanny - Is your daughter called Francesca?

[Anonymous]

Can Francesca's mom please post after she has spoken with the OP about this incident? I am a little concerned that the OP still hasn't called the mother. Especially since some people have posted of people/friends causing trouble for other nanny's by anonymously posting I saw your nanny posts on here.

[Anonymous]

If someone sees my nanny being neglectful, I would like to know. Francesca's mother needs to use her instincts, get a new nanny.

[Anonymous]

I think it is beyond ridiculous to talk about being wary of setting up a forum in which to post caretaker-related concerns because of fear of nanny-bashing or flaming of parents with nannies.

The welfare of the children should come FIRST.

I am a parent with a nanny and could care less what someone thinks or says about my childcare choice in general. However, if someone sees my child receiving poor care, being neglected or being emotionally abused in some way, I would absolutely want that information.

[Anonymous]

This is Francesca's mother.

I have spoken with the OP and was very appreciative for her candor and willingness to discuss this difficult situation. We also appreciate everyone else's concern and feedback.

[jsteele]

Anonymous wrote:I think it is beyond ridiculous to talk about being wary of setting up a forum in which to post caretaker-related concerns because of fear of nanny-bashing or flaming of parents with nannies.

It is exactly this attitude that causes me to be concerned about an "I saw your nanny" forum. "Anonymous" will not receive emails complaining about messages and demanding that they be removed. "Anonymous" will not potentially receive a subpoena demanding computer records because of a defamation suit. "Anonymous" will not be the recipient of demands to lock a thread that has degenerated into a 10 page flame war. "Anonymous" will never be put in a position of being forced to decided if a post is legitimate or an outright lie simply meant to harm someone. Since concerns about nanny bashing are "beyond ridiculous", any guidelines aimed at preventing nanny bashing would presumably also be "beyond ridiculous" and "Anonymous" would be unlikely to concern herself with such guidelines. Unfortunately, I am not "Anonymous" and I do have to concern myself with these things, despite that they are "beyond ridiculous".

In the over five years that we have been involved with DCUM, I've seen countless reports of unacceptable nanny behavior. The report that launched this thread was by far the most detailed and most specific that I have ever seen. Far more common is something along the lines of "I saw a nanny at Turtle Park ignore a young blond-haired boy who was about 3 years old and wearing a red shirt." Half the moms in NorthWest panic because they have a young blond-haired boy and they can't remember what color shirt they dressed him in, but it might have been red. In the end, no useful purpose is served by the post.

This thread is likely a one in a million time that a "I saw your nanny" post actually helps alert the parents. I am sympathetic that there is still value in such "one in a million" opportunities, and we have not ruled out the forum. We are considering all implications, but posts such as the above don't make me very optimistic.

[Anonymous]

I have been following this interesting post and would like to give kudos to the OP. As J Steele notes above, I think the key to this successful case was the detail that the OP was able to give, and thank goodness that the mother was reading DCUM. It is good to know that people - even strangers - are watching out for each other. We don't use a nanny, but I know I would want someone to report in if they saw my child being mistreated in any way. Good job, OP and I hope it all turns out well for the family.

[Anonymous]

jsteele wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think it is beyond ridiculous to talk about being wary of setting up a forum in which to post caretaker-related concerns because of fear of nanny-bashing or flaming of parents with nannies.

It is exactly this attitude that causes me to be concerned about an "I saw your nanny" forum. "Anonymous" will not receive emails complaining about messages and demanding that they be removed. "Anonymous" will not potentially receive a subpoena demanding computer records because of a defamation suit. "Anonymous" will not be the recipient of demands to lock a thread that has degenerated into a 10 page flame war. "Anonymous" will never be put in a position of being forced to decided if a post is legitimate or an outright lie simply meant to harm someone. Since concerns about nanny bashing are "beyond ridiculous", any guidelines aimed at preventing nanny bashing would presumably also be "beyond ridiculous" and "Anonymous" would be unlikely to concern herself with such guidelines. Unfortunately, I am not "Anonymous" and I do have to concern myself with these things, despite that they are "beyond ridiculous".

In the over five years that we have been involved with DCUM, I've seen countless reports of unacceptable nanny behavior. The report that launched this thread was by far the most detailed and most specific that I have ever seen. Far more common is something along the lines of "I saw a nanny at Turtle Park ignore a young blond-haired boy who was about 3 years old and wearing a red shirt." Half the moms in NorthWest panic because they have a young blond-haired boy and they can't remember what color shirt they dressed him in, but it might have been red. In the end, no useful purpose is served by the post.

This thread is likely a one in a million time that a "I saw your nanny" post actually helps alert the parents. I am sympathetic that there is still value in such "one in a million" opportunities, and we have not ruled out the forum. We are considering all implications, but posts such as the above don't make me very optimistic.

Your "attitude" is unnecessarily hostile and judgmental, in my opinion.

As I read it, the poster of the subject response was emphasizing that the development of a forum for reporting concerns should be based on the potential benefit to children, rather than the potential hurt feelings of adults, which is a valid comment. You also raise good logistical points about the challenges in creating and running such a forum.

Perhaps there is a way to make the posts in such a forum be ones in which identification by the poster is mandatory, rather than giving the option of being anonymous?

[Anonymous]

I disagree that this was a one in a million chance--there was so much detail and actually the world is much smaller than we know it. I have a feeling even if the mom of Francesca wasn't on DCUM, someone who knew her and her child would be on and would be in a position to tell. I think the benefits of having a separate area for these kinds of things would outweigh any negatives.

[Anonymous]

Following up on a recent PP . . . . I'm reasonably new to DCUM, and already have learned so much and benefited so much from lurking, reading, thinking, and every once in a while participating. J. Steele, you do an amazing service for all of us, and an unbelievably outstanding job of taking care of DCUM. I say this, then, with deep and genuine admiration and appreciation: you're in skirmishes on threads all around DCUM, and from my perspective, distract from insights you're trying to share by pouring gasoline on embers with frustrated, aggressive language. It would be perfectly understandable if the immense amount of work and concentration and commitment to this wonderful resource and to all of us who grow from it is shortening your fuse just a bit. Please, for your sake and for the sake of this great project, take a breath or take a break and perhaps slow down before responding in anger in the future.

[Anonymous]

I didn't sense any hostility in J. Steele's post. I think he was simply direct about the concerns he has about such a forum -- and I actually admire his restraint, given the tone of some of the posts he's responding to. I think his concerns are valid.

If you want a DC-specific "I saw your nanny" forum, start one. J.Steele, perhaps you'd allow a post on the parenting or nanny forum where someone willing to maintain an e-mail list for bad-nanny sightings could solicit e-mail addresses.

[Anonymous]

I'm not going to get into the fray about whether or not it's worth dedicating a thread to this topic, but just wanted to add my .02 that it is a small world and people are watching and you never know who will see your nanny or babysitter out with your children and in a perfect world, you will get feedback on both the good and the bad.

We had a sitter come 2x a week for 2 years and as my daughter got older and more mobile the sitter began taking her out more and more. At first I was a bit taken aback to hear of their adventures but for me, it was okay that they were getting out of the house and doing some things. I know some of their activities were as much to entertain the sitter as my daughter, but my daughter is very verbal and always detailed their outings and spoke positively about their time together. The best part is that on MANY occasions I had friends and acquaintances that would tell me "Oh, I saw your daughter today/yesterday/last week at (fill in the blank) and she was having a great time."

I guess my point is that I think this is as much of a service as the OP's note to Francesca's mom. Obviously we all want to help out if we see something that is not right, but it is also a big help to confirm to parents that their children are happy and being well cared for!

[Anonymous]

I think J.Steele's comments are always very insightful and helpful. (Those that don't are usu reacting to the political threads and who don't share the same beliefs.)

I think his thoughts re: such a forum are valid. But, I also think that there are ways to maybe address them. I think part of making such a forum reliable is to make sure that they post their identities and provide SPECIFIC information.

[Anonymous]

Ok, so an open "I saw your nanny" forum is a potential nightmare, especially for the site administrator.

I envision a vetted bulletin board of sorts, where folks could email their sighting, complete with their contact information, to a gatekeeper, who would then decide if it was detailed and useful enough to post. Any complaints or requests for contact would be directed back to the poster, though her/his contact information would remain private from the general readership.

It comes down to this: I am not always with my child. I don't see everything that happens. If YOU see something you think I would want to know about, I want you to have a way to tell me. After all, you (as a community) have already helped my child sleep through the night, diagnosed his pinkeye, counseled me on my marriage, and offered opinions about her school. It seems only logical that you should be able to communicate to me about my childcare, if it's needed, and if you're in a position to.

[Anonymous]

To those who want this sort of forum -- what is wrong with Isawyournanny.com?

[Anonymous]

I just checked out the isawyournanny site, and the last post for the DC area was from July '07.

The advantage of having it here is that dcurbanmom has an active, engaged community already in place. We're already here for other reasons, so it's more likely that such a forum would achieve the traffic it needs to be effective.