I saw your nanny - Is your daughter called Francesca?

[Anonymous]

I'm the 18:06 poster, and I can say with certainty that people will write in about nannies running errands with their charges. I've seen it happen on my neighborhood listserv, and the ensuing debate about appropriate nanny care made clear how different people's expectations are. Some people think that a nanny should be interacting with a child every moment of every day and that any whine in a CVS is evidence that the nanny is ignoring the child. Some people think that a toddler/child should never be on a bus. Trust me -- "mistreatment" really is in the eye of the beholder, and every time one poster disagrees with another poster's interpretation of mistreatment, a huge debate will ensue.

Now, if J.Steele can come up with a standard that he wants to apply, that's different. Or, even better, start an e-mail listserv that people could sign up for, where he would serve as gatekeeper for all messages. But a board like this one would be a disaster, I think -- and most importantly not serve the very important purpose to of alerting parents to truly problematic nanny behavior.

[usa007]

oops ...if you guys want I nanny forun I want a parents forun.....BECAUSE THEY ARE BAD BOSSES OUT THERE TO.
I just want to say that if you see something say something...

that's all..

[Anonymous]

I think people here think that they can get away with too much. It is such a largely populated area, and it seems less likely that they will be discovered. Well, a forum dedicated to this, would keep the world a little bit smaller.

My Au Pair and I actually had a discussion about this today. We checked the kids into the Ikea playroom, got some coffees and had a chat. She said she worries about loosing it with the kids, because she knows the world isn't as large as it seems, and that she knows things like that will be put on these sights. Granted she is absolutely grand, and I can't see her ever doing something like what this nanny had done, but it nice to know that she has an awareness of it all.


For the mom. I am so glad that you have found out the truth about your nanny. I am sure that you are sick about it, but I am also sure that you were placing your daughter with a person that you thought would truly care for her. I have no doubt that as a loving, caring mother, you did the absolute best you could. The fact that you are so upset reflects this. I am so sorry about your nanny, but I am also so relieved that the OP cared enough to post this, and that so many other moms bumped this thread, and wanted to make sure you saw this. It shows the good side of human nature.

[Anonymous]

Also, don't let your nannies take your kids out. Those trips to the mall or grocery store are all about their own shopping.

This is one mom who thinks this is utterly ridiculous. Do you never go shopping on the weekends and bring the kids along? Is every activity every moment of the day all about the kids? Is that what they are supposed to grow up believing?

[Anonymous]

This is Francesca's mother, again.

Can the OP please contact me off-line? I would really like to speak with you about what took place yesterday. We appreciate your posting and, before taking action, would like to have a ‘live’ conversation as this situation has to do with our daughter as well as our (long-term) nanny's livelihood. Thanks.

[Anonymous]

I can not imagine letting my nanny drive my kids around for her trips. It is individual, but I am a bit skeptical about safety issues like talking on the phone while driving, holding the child's hand.... I have only had one nanny that I trust more than myself with my kids. I have come up on some of them innocently missing near falls or accidents. I have seen kids not strapped in to their seats. To me, going out to the mall only poses more safety issues. Kids don't need to be gallivanting all over the place. Home is a great place for a child under 5. They can walk to the park or a neighbors. When I come home, then we go out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:


Also, don't let your nannies take your kids out. Those trips to the mall or grocery store are all about their own shopping.

This is one mom who thinks this is utterly ridiculous. Do you never go shopping on the weekends and bring the kids along? Is every activity every moment of the day all about the kids? Is that what they are supposed to grow up believing?

Do you spend an entire work day going out shopping for yourself? I doubt it, and I pretty much doubt the fact that you drag a someone along that doesn't want to go.

Yes parents do shopping on the weekends with their children, because they are their children. Nearly every moment for a nanny should be about the kids, because that is their job. The kids that have nannies are not old enough to have a to have the deluded sense of the world you are describing. Children under the age of five often think that things are all about them anyway.

Saying this, I do allow my Au Pair to take my children to Target every now and then, mostly because I know shopping for her never is an all day event. She usually goes when she runs out of things she needs, not something that she wants. She will also take them on occasion to Dunkin' Donuts. Ask my children their favorite places to go, and they will tell you Target and D.D.. My Au Pair is not to take the children to the post office or to the bank, the children hate it there, and for them it is torturous standing in line. There are just some things she needs to do on her own time.

[Anonymous]

Don't be put off about nannies, I've seen so many wonderful nannies. It's great that parents and even other nannies keep an eye out for everyones children.

[Anonymous]

Just want to give a word of support to the mom who warned about what was happening to Francesca (pretty name by the way) and it really made me happy to see that, through a forum like this, her mom was made aware. I think it's good to have some oversight and we need to take care of each other. This is not a knock on nannies, I have a nanny I love and I am sure this is not the norm but..when something like this happens, boy is it nice to know that there is a mom, dad or nanny out there who is trying to help. Also, hope Francesca's mom is not too traumatized, I have a feeling you are going to need a new nanny and have faith that someone else great is just around the horizen.

[Anonymous]

To Francesca's mom (and any other mom in a nanny sighting if we go with an 'I saw your nanny' forum)

Talk to the OP first, and try to avoid jumping to conclusions. It sounds ominous and there's no redeeming this nanny if this is true. BUT... and not a knock on the OP, but anytime... just validate the source before firing someone. I can think of a few scenarios where a couple of nannies friendship goes awry, and one tarnishes the other in a public forum posing as an "I saw your nanny"? Or even a poaching mom who's trying to get a nanny fired so she could swoop in? Just saying.... be careful before you have all the facts about making a knee-jerk reaction.

In this case, if the nanny's guilty, she's out and kudos to the OP for reporting it here. But in other cases, it could be petty conflicts between former friends or enemies, and setting up a good nanny for a fall. And sometimes, no matter how thin the pancake, there's still always two sides.

[Anonymous]

PP again.. and to Francesca's mom, there is hope for good nannies! I just quit to stay home with my kids and one of my good friends took me by the side with what I was afraid was going to be a bad "I saw your nanny once doing..." and it turned out she was telling me "I saw your nanny in the park with your kids one day, and she was SO good to them. You really have a loving nanny in her, but I'm sure you already knew that" I can't TELL YOU how happy that made me to hear her say that (she's a major helicopter mom, hovering ever near...) Good nannies are out there! (mine's still looking for a job, by the way if you live in western Fairfax county)

Good luck sorting all this out!

[Anonymous]

I can't believe that, from what I read, the original poster who witnessed all this still hasn't called the mother. The parents must be quite upset and dying to speak to the poster who reported all this. The original poster put up another message after the mother's post, but the mother continues to implore the poster to call. Call her!

[Anonymous]

I have no problem with "I saw your nanny". Get real folks, the whole world is watching. Treat the kids the way you would if the parents were there. All of our jobs have some kind of oversight, why should nannies' be any different?

[Anonymous]

If I got a penny for every nanny talking on her cell phone at the park, ignoring the kids and not looking out for them, I'd be rich. I never made as many personal calls at work as these nanny's do on the job...it's disgusting.

[Anonymous]

It doesnt seem as if the OP has called Francesca's mom yet. I used to have playdates with a mom who got very upset when I asked if she could stick around for the playdates instead of dropping her THREE children off and in essence getting free childcare for 2 hours or more. The playdates slowly stopped and then the rude playdate mom called my employers and told them I was listening to my IPOD and reading a book while waiting in the carpool line. Luckily the day that she claims to have saw me neglecting the children happened to be a Wed when the youngest hangs out at Grandmas. She also said that I refuse to let the youngest out of the car to play during the long wait. She and I would always talk playdate times while her son and my charge where feeding the ducks OUTSIDE. My charge was old enough to speak up for me and say that the things were not true but my employers lost a bit of trust in me after that and it was totally not warranted. When I stopped working with this family to finish up schooling that same mom called and asked if I could be the summer nanny. I think the nanny sighting forum could open up a can of worms.