How to not be pissy with DH

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He is passive aggressive.
Did that on purpose to piss you off.
Ask him what he is really angry about. Tell him he needs to find healthy ways to process his anger instead of purposely messing up your things.

No, this is the stupidest possible response.

You must be OP's DH!

Actually, this response fits my now-ex to the letter. I didn't think "passive-aggressive" was a thing that grown-ass men actually did, but it turns out it's fairly common behavior, and this is exactly what it looks like.

Sorry, OP. If your spouse does this often, you're probably dealing with some core damage or mommy issues or unpacked childhood drama/trauma.

This is literally the worst possible advice you could give OP.

DH did something that is unquestionably frustrating. But OP is a grownup and recognizes that getting pissy about it wouldn't be productive. So she asked for some advice on how to not get pissy (and perhaps some sympathetic confirmation that what DH did was in fact extremely annoying).

Your advice is the exact opposite of what OP asked for: A suggestion that she instead go back to DH and make a big deal about it, claiming that him drinking a bottle of water must be a sign of some deeper issue that he needs to identify and work through. This conversation will go very, very poorly. DH will her OP condescendingly suggest that she knows better why he did something than he does, they'll get into a big, counterproductive fight, and then DH will be left alone thinking "Jesus fucking christ, all this because I drank a bottle of water?" Who possibly wins in that scenario?

And if we really want to engage in wild speculation about other people's psychological states based on limited information: Shouldn't we conclude that you're projecting your own frustration over your ex husband onto some guy that you've literally never met and know two sentences of information about?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He is passive aggressive.
Did that on purpose to piss you off.
Ask him what he is really angry about. Tell him he needs to find healthy ways to process his anger instead of purposely messing up your things.

No, this is the stupidest possible response.

You must be OP's DH!

Actually, this response fits my now-ex to the letter. I didn't think "passive-aggressive" was a thing that grown-ass men actually did, but it turns out it's fairly common behavior, and this is exactly what it looks like.

Sorry, OP. If your spouse does this often, you're probably dealing with some core damage or mommy issues or unpacked childhood drama/trauma.

This is literally the worst possible advice you could give OP.

DH did something that is unquestionably frustrating. But OP is a grownup and recognizes that getting pissy about it wouldn't be productive. So she asked for some advice on how to not get pissy (and perhaps some sympathetic confirmation that what DH did was in fact extremely annoying).

Your advice is the exact opposite of what OP asked for: A suggestion that she instead go back to DH and make a big deal about it, claiming that him drinking a bottle of water must be a sign of some deeper issue that he needs to identify and work through. This conversation will go very, very poorly. DH will her OP condescendingly suggest that she knows better why he did something than he does, they'll get into a big, counterproductive fight, and then DH will be left alone thinking "Jesus fucking christ, all this because I drank a bottle of water?" Who possibly wins in that scenario?

And if we really want to engage in wild speculation about other people's psychological states based on limited information: Shouldn't we conclude that you're projecting your own frustration over your ex husband onto some guy that you've literally never met and know two sentences of information about?

I'm going to suggest you practice reading, because your comprehension is crap.

I didn't suggest anything, let alone that OP "make a big deal about it." I merely echoed what a previous poster had said, because it was QFT of my now-former husband.

You need to calm your life down. Maybe you're hangry? Have a Lunchable and some water.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He is passive aggressive.
Did that on purpose to piss you off.
Ask him what he is really angry about. Tell him he needs to find healthy ways to process his anger instead of purposely messing up your things.

No, this is the stupidest possible response.

You must be OP's DH!

Actually, this response fits my now-ex to the letter. I didn't think "passive-aggressive" was a thing that grown-ass men actually did, but it turns out it's fairly common behavior, and this is exactly what it looks like.

Sorry, OP. If your spouse does this often, you're probably dealing with some core damage or mommy issues or unpacked childhood drama/trauma.

This is literally the worst possible advice you could give OP.

DH did something that is unquestionably frustrating. But OP is a grownup and recognizes that getting pissy about it wouldn't be productive. So she asked for some advice on how to not get pissy (and perhaps some sympathetic confirmation that what DH did was in fact extremely annoying).

Your advice is the exact opposite of what OP asked for: A suggestion that she instead go back to DH and make a big deal about it, claiming that him drinking a bottle of water must be a sign of some deeper issue that he needs to identify and work through. This conversation will go very, very poorly. DH will her OP condescendingly suggest that she knows better why he did something than he does, they'll get into a big, counterproductive fight, and then DH will be left alone thinking "Jesus fucking christ, all this because I drank a bottle of water?" Who possibly wins in that scenario?

And if we really want to engage in wild speculation about other people's psychological states based on limited information: Shouldn't we conclude that you're projecting your own frustration over your ex husband onto some guy that you've literally never met and know two sentences of information about?

I'm going to suggest you practice reading, because your comprehension is crap.

I didn't suggest anything, let alone that OP "make a big deal about it." I merely echoed what a previous poster had said, because it was QFT of my now-former husband.

You need to calm your life down. Maybe you're hangry? Have a Lunchable and some water.

I'm not eating lunchables. Not because they're not delicious, but because I don't want a DCUM thread about me where everyone demands my spouse force me into therapy over my snacking habits.

[Anonymous]

Label the waters and the lunchables with an actual pen and large brightly colored piece of paper. OR, just buy enough for DH if you know he will eat/drink them. Don't bother texting anything like that.

[Anonymous]

He probably ignores all your texts OP.

[Anonymous]

If he hadn't texted back "OK" I would totally agree. But he actually acknowledged it!
Happy to say all remaining pissiness left me last night. Lots of interesting posts on here. Appreciate the advice and commiseration!!

[Anonymous]

If he just forgetting what you told him, or is he directly challenging you?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If he hadn't texted back "OK" I would totally agree. But he actually acknowledged it!
Happy to say all remaining pissiness left me last night. Lots of interesting posts on here. Appreciate the advice and commiseration!!

I think that in his weak defense, he probably noted the Lunchables part and missed the water part. Heck, there are people on this thread who haven't figured out he didn't eat the Lunchables. The Lunchables part is pretty distracting. It's like saying "Look over there! There's a dragon and a pine cone!" Nobody is going to remember you mentioned the pine cone.

[Anonymous]

So, I'm not clear on why he could not just drink the water you already have in the house? Why did he need to drink water from an individual water bottle? Was your faucet broken?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So, I'm not clear on why he could not just drink the water you already have in the house? Why did he need to drink water from an individual water bottle? Was your faucet broken?

Why do people ever drink bottled water in their own home? (I honestly don't understand why, but tens of millions of people do, so DH isn't exactly being an odd duck here).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So, I'm not clear on why he could not just drink the water you already have in the house? Why did he need to drink water from an individual water bottle? Was your faucet broken?

This is an excellent question. We have a water dispenser in the fridge that we always use. The water bottles were purchased because the field trip info sheet asked us to pack a disposable lunch. We hardly ever have bottles in the house.

I cannot answer your question.

[Anonymous]

OP you are 100% an enabler. Have you labeled things in the fridge? And seriously, who doesn't have reusable water bottles or a case of water?

Label
If DH eats/drinks something then you send HIM out to pickup what he ate/drank. If you do that enough he should be more careful (or at least you won't need to to run back out and get more).

DD is 11 and would NEVER take a lunchable. Apparently they are the food of the poor (or so says her friends). We don't pack kale chips (although DD does love the broccoli poppers, dehydrated broccoli florets covered in a dried vegan cheese spread of some sort), normally a piece of fruit, sandwich, hummus and some sort of trailmix for dessert.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP you are 100% an enabler. Have you labeled things in the fridge? And seriously, who doesn't have reusable water bottles or a case of water?

Label
If DH eats/drinks something then you send HIM out to pickup what he ate/drank. If you do that enough he should be more careful (or at least you won't need to to run back out and get more).

DD is 11 and would NEVER take a lunchable. Apparently they are the food of the poor (or so says her friends). We don't pack kale chips (although DD does love the broccoli poppers, dehydrated broccoli florets covered in a dried vegan cheese spread of some sort), normally a piece of fruit, sandwich, hummus and some sort of trailmix for dessert.

We understand. Kale chips are beneath your Larla.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP you are 100% an enabler. Have you labeled things in the fridge? And seriously, who doesn't have reusable water bottles or a case of water?

Label
If DH eats/drinks something then you send HIM out to pickup what he ate/drank. If you do that enough he should be more careful (or at least you won't need to to run back out and get more).

DD is 11 and would NEVER take a lunchable. Apparently they are the food of the poor (or so says her friends). We don't pack kale chips (although DD does love the broccoli poppers, dehydrated broccoli florets covered in a dried vegan cheese spread of some sort), normally a piece of fruit, sandwich, hummus and some sort of trailmix for dessert.

We understand. Kale chips are beneath your Larla.

Nope, she doesn't like them. DH could inhale a bag, I like certain kinds we can never seem to find and DD outright refuses them. The poppers are wicked expensive though, so we don't buy those much ($8 for a small bag).

Point being she eats a well rounded whole foods based diet without the need of processed crap like lunchables.

The OP let's her husband (and child) walk all over her. She's a people pleaser and enabler and she's wondering why she's always pissy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP you are 100% an enabler. Have you labeled things in the fridge? And seriously, who doesn't have reusable water bottles or a case of water?

Label
If DH eats/drinks something then you send HIM out to pickup what he ate/drank. If you do that enough he should be more careful (or at least you won't need to to run back out and get more).

DD is 11 and would NEVER take a lunchable. Apparently they are the food of the poor (or so says her friends). We don't pack kale chips (although DD does love the broccoli poppers, dehydrated broccoli florets covered in a dried vegan cheese spread of some sort), normally a piece of fruit, sandwich, hummus and some sort of trailmix for dessert.

We understand. Kale chips are beneath your Larla.

Nope, she doesn't like them. DH could inhale a bag, I like certain kinds we can never seem to find and DD outright refuses them. The poppers are wicked expensive though, so we don't buy those much ($8 for a small bag).

Point being she eats a well rounded whole foods based diet without the need of processed crap like lunchables.

The OP let's her husband (and child) walk all over her. She's a people pleaser and enabler and she's wondering why she's always pissy.

OP here. I'm curious as to how my husband and child walk all over me. Could you elaborate a bit?