What are your DH's work days like?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is he home for dinner? Does he travel a lot? Mine is basically at the office Monday-Friday, and by the time he gets home in the evenings, I'm too worn out with the kids to even deal with whatever 'sympathies' he's looking for with traffic or work stress. I realize this is disrespectful to single moms, but sometimes I feel like one. I dream about leaving DC, the city where it seems like you commit your entire life to your career, above all else. I guess I'm just venting. I'm from a small town where life is just more enjoyable.

LOL what if you WOH? C'mon you can muster up some sympathy. Don't you want him to be supportive of your stresses?

OP seems to be coming from an extremely limited worldview. She doesn't even acknowledge two WOH parents. She should go back to Mayberry. FWIW, my work days are longer, I travel for longer periods and do all the kid-related work and family business as well. DH does bits, when I ask explicitly. So, I too sometimes "feel" like a single mom but I'm not and wouldn't insult single parents by comparing my plight to theirs. I don't love it, but it is my bed, and I can (mostly) sleep in it. IDH and I do vent to each other about stress in work, kids, other family business, etc. It goes both ways.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ironically, we just moved from DC, where he used to get off work at 4pm, pick up DD, and then usually cook dinner when I got home from work. Now we live in the Bay Area, he works 12 hour days, I do all the pick up, drop off, about half of what cooking is still done, etc. It's more the job (and the DH personality) than the place I think...

We are looking at Bay Area job but worry won't have the same work life balance as here (at least for those not in big jobs). How is the culture, what hours go other parents keep?

[Anonymous]

We never see him. He keeps an apartment near work and stays there most of the time. When the oldest kids turned into teenagers, he decided it was just too much, he wanted to go to sleep at 8 and wake up at 3am (gym then get to work by 5am), on the weekends the kids had friends over. We have a lot of pets; he hates pets but the kids love them. We built this huge house on a country property including mancave bar in the backyard, and then he decided he's more of a city person.

I think he works, drinks, eats, sleeps and works out. Rinse and repeat, 7 days a week. On his "easy" days he gets off work and starts drinking at 2 as far as I can tell.

Hasn't seen the kids now in about 2 or 3 (?) weeks but he texts them every day.

No real reason to divorce, though. We're friendly, talk and text every day, he pays for everything without question, I have total free rein to make any decisions for the kids that I want. He probably shouldn't ever have been married or had a family. He's not that kind of guy, it's not in him. He just wants to work and have someone else take care of everything else.

I'm so used to it at this point (it has been years now) that I just go with the flow. Too used to being by myself to care about getting into another relationship, sex is overrated to me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We never see him. He keeps an apartment near work and stays there most of the time. When the oldest kids turned into teenagers, he decided it was just too much, he wanted to go to sleep at 8 and wake up at 3am (gym then get to work by 5am), on the weekends the kids had friends over. We have a lot of pets; he hates pets but the kids love them. We built this huge house on a country property including mancave bar in the backyard, and then he decided he's more of a city person.

I think he works, drinks, eats, sleeps and works out. Rinse and repeat, 7 days a week. On his "easy" days he gets off work and starts drinking at 2 as far as I can tell.

Hasn't seen the kids now in about 2 or 3 (?) weeks but he texts them every day.

No real reason to divorce, though. We're friendly, talk and text every day, he pays for everything without question, I have total free rein to make any decisions for the kids that I want. He probably shouldn't ever have been married or had a family. He's not that kind of guy, it's not in him. He just wants to work and have someone else take care of everything else.

I'm so used to it at this point (it has been years now) that I just go with the flow. Too used to being by myself to care about getting into another relationship, sex is overrated to me.

I'm sure people will get on here and tell you how much your life sucks and how their husbands would never ever do that. But, good for you for seeing the positive in your situation.

[Anonymous]

Husband and teen leave every day at 7:15am. He does drop off and then goes to work. He is usually at work before 8am and home by 6:30pm. I am at work by 8:30am and do the pick up in the afternoon so I usually leave around 3:30. He does whatever I ask of him and he does all the dishes. Typically he does not think to do something helpful on his own, but every now and then he does. He will do anything kid related. Anything. I ask him to take care of a lot of kid related errands -- shoe shopping, athletic gear shopping, sick visits to the doctor. He will do all of that readily. I think I will keep him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is he home for dinner? Does he travel a lot? Mine is basically at the office Monday-Friday, and by the time he gets home in the evenings, I'm too worn out with the kids to even deal with whatever 'sympathies' he's looking for with traffic or work stress. I realize this is disrespectful to single moms, but sometimes I feel like one. I dream about leaving DC, the city where it seems like you commit your entire life to your career, above all else. I guess I'm just venting. I'm from a small town where life is just more enjoyable.

LOL what if you WOH? C'mon you can muster up some sympathy. Don't you want him to be supportive of your stresses?

OP seems to be coming from an extremely limited worldview. She doesn't even acknowledge two WOH parents. She should go back to Mayberry. FWIW, my work days are longer, I travel for longer periods and do all the kid-related work and family business as well. DH does bits, when I ask explicitly. So, I too sometimes "feel" like a single mom but I'm not and wouldn't insult single parents by comparing my plight to theirs. I don't love it, but it is my bed, and I can (mostly) sleep in it. IDH and I do vent to each other about stress in work, kids, other family business, etc. It goes both ways.

Uh. She does work. Read.

[Anonymous]

Damn...we are so lucky. Both have Tele work options and both make over 200k/yr. Long hours we do not have and never have had.

No bring an asshole here, but with so many job options (it related field ) we've been able to be picky and only select jobs thst fit into our family. Not the other way around. That's probably why being a SAHM has never crossed my mind.

[Anonymous]

DH wakes up kids for school, makes lunch and breakfast, and drops them at school. He reaches work at 9:00 am. Leaves work around 6:30 pm, home by 7:30 pm. I SAHM.

Going early to work does not work for him because he cannot leave for home before 6:30 pm, regardless of how early he reaches the office So, he spends his time with the children in the morning. I benefit, because I can sleep in every day!

Kids eat dinner before he comes home, but will have dessert with him at night and watch some TV program or show with him. They usually are done with homework, activities etc before he comes back home.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Husband and teen leave every day at 7:15am. He does drop off and then goes to work. He is usually at work before 8am and home by 6:30pm. I am at work by 8:30am and do the pick up in the afternoon so I usually leave around 3:30. He does whatever I ask of him and he does all the dishes. Typically he does not think to do something helpful on his own, but every now and then he does. He will do anything kid related. Anything. I ask him to take care of a lot of kid related errands -- shoe shopping, athletic gear shopping, sick visits to the doctor. He will do all of that readily. I think I will keep him.

Same here, it was the only workable arrangement. All my DH can do is execution. No planning, no managing, no anticipating, no opinion on anything. He can only think of office work - where ironically he eagerly does all sorts of planning, foresight, and managing - but cops out at home, with the family, with the house property. It was awful when the kids were little - I could not count on him to do anything nor anything right. He vastly underestimated what it takes to raise a family. Now, he realizes if he isn't in top of a few things or anything, he must listen to those who are.

If something were to happen to me there would be serious issues. He'd try to pay to outsource everything, maybe even move his mom in.
But ultimately, you cannot outsource mentoring, listening to, and being a role model to your children.

Plus I work FT so have to waste time making lists for him and the nanny.