Is this an unreasonable ask for a SAHM?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I sure do hope you're a troll. In fact I definitely think you're a troll. Did you never discuss this with your DH prior to your decision?

I'm a SAHM, have never had to ask for money. Ever. You're in a marriage together and the bank account should be joint.

I wish I was a troll. The reality is I got married and had a kid late in life. We've only been married 6 years, and I was pretty much set in my dis axial ways and so was he. We created some joint saving goals (kid college, house, retirement etc) and the rest was our own money to do as we liked. Since we were making the same it was no big deal.

Why would you need a house cleaner? You're home all day, clean it yourself!!

She's got a 15 month old. They are all over the place. Better to watch the kid than wash the floor.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:ITA with these PPs - when I stayed at home, i did the cooking, cleaning, childcare, and spent funds from the joint account. WTF OP? Now that I am working outside the home, I purposely took a job with much less responsibility and hours than DH so I can maintain the household w/out outsourcing. I would rather do the work myself and build our own coffers, rather than those of hired help.

You would hate me. I stay at home and have a regular housekeeper and a part time nanny who comes 20 hours/week. I like outsourcing and I treat these people well. Our coffers are fine.

So you're just lazy, then.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I sure do hope you're a troll. In fact I definitely think you're a troll. Did you never discuss this with your DH prior to your decision?

I'm a SAHM, have never had to ask for money. Ever. You're in a marriage together and the bank account should be joint.

Fellow SAHM here. You guys should create a budget together. I couldn't imagine being in a position where I had to ask dh for some sort of weekly allowance.

Isn't an allowance just sort of the end game of the budget?

Each of you can have an "allowance" for personal/discretionary, but you don't have to "ask" for it. Any more than he has to "ask" for money to pay the mortgage.

He doesn't have to ask because it's his money. She does because it's not hers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:ITA with these PPs - when I stayed at home, i did the cooking, cleaning, childcare, and spent funds from the joint account. WTF OP? Now that I am working outside the home, I purposely took a job with much less responsibility and hours than DH so I can maintain the household w/out outsourcing. I would rather do the work myself and build our own coffers, rather than those of hired help.

I don't really care about your take on outsourcing, not to be rude, but DH does almost nothing wrt childcare and housework, and SAHM doesn't mean 24/7 on call. I know I need a few hours per week to go to the gym and have a little adult time, and I know I want to spend the weekends doing stuff with our kid and not cleaning the bathroom and mopping floors.

Not OP or PP, but I totally agree with OP. SAHM are not slaves. They take care of the kids and household during working hours, and then after work hours, everything should be split 50/50. That's not a reality in many marriages, and so outsourcing often helps maintain everyone's sanity.

How long does it take to clean a bathroom and mop floors during the week? Sheesh!

Well, considering it takes my cleaners of 4 women, 2 hours to clean my house, I'd guess that it would take me 10 hours at least. Do you have a free 10 hours in your week?

I spend probably 2-3 hours picking up and putting away the cr@p and sorting the papers the night before the cleaners come.

Good lord, you must be pigs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I take $200 every two weeks out of our account for tchotchke money. We have no kids, I don't work for a paycheck so it's just for me. I can spend or save it, depend on what I want. I mostly just save it because I use our money for everything else.

My husband thinks I need to have pocketbook money.

I don't think you know what tchotchke means. Or your house is REALLY cluttered.

Hoarders in the making ...

[Anonymous]

Well, you shouldn't need to ask for money. But maybe your spouse is leery of you just spending at will because you quit work to take care of your child and home and now you're outsourcing both.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:ITA with these PPs - when I stayed at home, i did the cooking, cleaning, childcare, and spent funds from the joint account. WTF OP? Now that I am working outside the home, I purposely took a job with much less responsibility and hours than DH so I can maintain the household w/out outsourcing. I would rather do the work myself and build our own coffers, rather than those of hired help.

You would hate me. I stay at home and have a regular housekeeper and a part time nanny who comes 20 hours/week. I like outsourcing and I treat these people well. Our coffers are fine.

So you're just lazy, then.

Haters gonna hate!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:ITA with these PPs - when I stayed at home, i did the cooking, cleaning, childcare, and spent funds from the joint account. WTF OP? Now that I am working outside the home, I purposely took a job with much less responsibility and hours than DH so I can maintain the household w/out outsourcing. I would rather do the work myself and build our own coffers, rather than those of hired help.

You would hate me. I stay at home and have a regular housekeeper and a part time nanny who comes 20 hours/week. I like outsourcing and I treat these people well. Our coffers are fine.

So you're just lazy, then.

Haters gonna hate!

Go back to bed, princess.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:ITA with these PPs - when I stayed at home, i did the cooking, cleaning, childcare, and spent funds from the joint account. WTF OP? Now that I am working outside the home, I purposely took a job with much less responsibility and hours than DH so I can maintain the household w/out outsourcing. I would rather do the work myself and build our own coffers, rather than those of hired help.

You would hate me. I stay at home and have a regular housekeeper and a part time nanny who comes 20 hours/week. I like outsourcing and I treat these people well. Our coffers are fine.

So you're just lazy, then.

Haters gonna hate!

Go back to bed, princess.

Kisses to you!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I got a house cleaner because DH was tired of being told he couldn't get laid at night/in the morning because I had to clean the house.

So what excuse do you use now?

She doesn't need to. She outsources housekeeping, and he outsources sex.

Can you doofuses stay on topic for op?

NP. Whatever, it was funnier than the other replies.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Well, I wouldn't stay home if I had to ask for money from my husband. That would seem to introduce a weird power imbalance. But no, $300/week for everything including groceries seems to be pretty bare bones.

+1. Why are you asking for money? Income=family income.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I sure do hope you're a troll. In fact I definitely think you're a troll. Did you never discuss this with your DH prior to your decision?

I'm a SAHM, have never had to ask for money. Ever. You're in a marriage together and the bank account should be joint.

Fellow SAHM here. You guys should create a budget together. I couldn't imagine being in a position where I had to ask dh for some sort of weekly allowance.

Isn't an allowance just sort of the end game of the budget?

Each of you can have an "allowance" for personal/discretionary, but you don't have to "ask" for it. Any more than he has to "ask" for money to pay the mortgage.

He doesn't have to ask because it's his money. She does because it's not hers.

No, it isn't. It's family money. They aren't filing a separate tax return, I'm sure of that.

[Anonymous]

We recently went to a cash system for everything except mortgage, utilities, medical, and gas. So, yes, I do get a set amount of cash per week (I sah). We're in a very low cost of living area, and I get $250. That is for groceries and other household necessities like toiletries and cleaning products and pet care; and all other day to day things, like admission to the indoor gym play place, lunch out, birthday gifts, and non-necessary shopping for me and my kid (and I've even been able to use it for necessary new clothes and shoes for our son).

Some weeks I do come up short, but it is just as important to me to stay within this budget as it is for my husband (he gives himself even less cash each week), so I don't feel like I'm being kept under his thumb. It was my idea in the first place. Before this change, I spent money from our joint account, but we weren't saving as much as we wanted. BTW, we still have our debit cards and each have full access to the accounts. I don't have to go through dh to get money.

OP, I do not think asking for 300 a week is extravagant at all. But it depends only on the family's budget. How much do you want to sock away, how much are your monthly expenses? If 300 doesn't put you in the hole, and also allows for savings, great.

[Anonymous]

OP I am in a similar situation except my status in the country depends on my husband's status. I will eventually get my own status and then file for divorce.
He is using this allowance thing that to me is just plain derogatory
I hate him but I cannot do anything right now so I have to wait

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I sure do hope you're a troll. In fact I definitely think you're a troll. Did you never discuss this with your DH prior to your decision?

I'm a SAHM, have never had to ask for money. Ever. You're in a marriage together and the bank account should be joint.

Fellow SAHM here. You guys should create a budget together. I couldn't imagine being in a position where I had to ask dh for some sort of weekly allowance.

Isn't an allowance just sort of the end game of the budget?

Each of you can have an "allowance" for personal/discretionary, but you don't have to "ask" for it. Any more than he has to "ask" for money to pay the mortgage.

He doesn't have to ask because it's his money. She does because it's not hers.

No, it isn't. It's family money. They aren't filing a separate tax return, I'm sure of that.

It's his money, he earned it. He can give his wife whatever allowance from his money that he wants. If she wants more, she should get a job.