What would you think of an 18 year old...

[Anonymous]

I would assume the family had financial issues that made going away to school to expensive.

I would also think she did not go out much because it is expensive.

[Anonymous]

Initial thought would be -- a millennial snowflake who couldn't handle the dorms for whatever reason -- didn't want to share a room, bathroom, couldn't cope with noise etc. -- so she ran home to Mama and Daddy's McMansion in the suburbs where she can get all the quiet and privacy she needs.

And the reason SOO many PPs are so supportive of this is bc they are raising their snowflakes the same way and many of them realize this could be their kid in another 18 yrs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Initial thought would be -- a millennial snowflake who couldn't handle the dorms for whatever reason -- didn't want to share a room, bathroom, couldn't cope with noise etc. -- so she ran home to Mama and Daddy's McMansion in the suburbs where she can get all the quiet and privacy she needs.

And the reason SOO many PPs are so supportive of this is bc they are raising their snowflakes the same way and many of them realize this could be their kid in another 18 yrs.

What's wrong with not liking dorms?! I am a very successful adult who lived in a dorms for 2 years (living at home was not an option because I grew up in a rural area and the closest college was at least an hour away, and you were required to live in dorms the first 2 years) and I was soooo glad when I could finally get an off campus apartment with my own bathroom (well, to share with two roommates), kitchen, etc. Dorm living was just not my thing...

I mean, they are fun for a lot of people, but not everyone, and I don't think living in a 10x12 space with another person or sharing a bathroom with 20 other people is at all crucial to becoming a successful adult or that if someone doesn't like dorm living, it is an indication that they are unable to cope with the real world or something...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Initial thought would be -- a millennial snowflake who couldn't handle the dorms for whatever reason -- didn't want to share a room, bathroom, couldn't cope with noise etc. -- so she ran home to Mama and Daddy's McMansion in the suburbs where she can get all the quiet and privacy she needs.

And the reason SOO many PPs are so supportive of this is bc they are raising their snowflakes the same way and many of them realize this could be their kid in another 18 yrs.

Living in the dorms for one year now costs more money than my 4 years of undergraduate tuition. It's an exorbitant price to pay for small space, little privacy, shared bathrooms and cafeteria food. My snowflake can afford graduate school on the money we have saved.

[Anonymous]

Honestly this is the norm for the vast majority of university students around the globe. Only in some rich parts of America and England, and only recently, is four years away from home the norm.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Initial thought would be -- a millennial snowflake who couldn't handle the dorms for whatever reason -- didn't want to share a room, bathroom, couldn't cope with noise etc. -- so she ran home to Mama and Daddy's McMansion in the suburbs where she can get all the quiet and privacy she needs.

And the reason SOO many PPs are so supportive of this is bc they are raising their snowflakes the same way and many of them realize this could be their kid in another 18 yrs.

Nope. I did the dorm experience. It's vastly overrated. The cost now is ridiculous. If my kid wanted to live at home for 4 years or rent a space with friends and come out of school without thousands of debt I fully support it. I wish I'd done that myself, and I wouldn't be paying back debt 10 years after grad.

[Anonymous]

I did this. I went to university and lived in my parents basement until I went to grad school. The university was 5 min from my house. I had friends from high school, had a job, and made a few new friends in my classes. I was very introverted and insecure, though. It was good to live at home and greatly reduce expenses, but I think I would have benefited from separating a bit from home-base after the first year or so. It made the move to the grad school environment a bit more challenging for me. But, since then I've moved all over to new cities and lived on my own making friends, got married, etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:who goes to college, but lives at home with her parents and if she is not in class, spends all of her time at home? (aka no friends, boyfriend, etc.)

is she a gamer?

[Anonymous]

Whole Europe does it... They are fine...
I came to US at 21. Attended top college that happened to be in driving distance from home. Went to Grad school too from home base. Did not had a penny in debts. Worked and studied all the time.
My parents did not paid a dime for my education.
I had no time to full around campus. I am completely fine with husband, work and kids.

I do not understand American approach that kids are "entitled" to college, and parties on campus, and parents have to pay for room and board preferably at Ivy, or save all their life every penny for future college.
That is after working hard all life and paying to bring kids up.

If my kids would deserve college they have to earn money either through working and saving, or through merit scholarships. We would help if we can, but I am not getting in debts at age 50-60 with second mortgage.
I will not allow them to take huge loans either.

[Anonymous]

My niece did this, although it was her parents' insistence rather than her choice. It was not driven by costs, just helicoptering (well-intended.) They bought her a fancy car as a bribe. By year 2, she had a PT job and earned enough to pay her own rent in a shared house. She still came home on weekends. I was probably as judgmental as the OP, but you know what - a decade later she is a very happy, successful young woman with a very independent life and lots of friends and fun if her FB selfies are any gauge. More power to her.

If your niece seems depressed or otherwise at risk OP, then it's an issue; otherwise, live and let live.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I actually wish I had done this. I hated the social aspect of college. I hated the parties, the drinking, and the noise. I made only a few friends but have kept them until now. I wish I had been confident enough to just change schools and do what I wanted to do, instead of worrying that I would have seemed "weird" or a failure for leaving my elite (but miserable) university. Good for OP's niece! She probably has friends, she just doesn't need to spend a ton of time with them (and how would one's aunt know that much about their friends anyway).

This. I went to a well-thought-of, selective university on a full scholarship and did all of the expected stuff ---- pledged a fraternity, drank to excess, got high, etc. I hated it and wished I had been brave enough to be the person that I am now and that I like a lot better ( a non-drinker who socializes only occasionally and would MUCH rather go to the gym than to a party).

[Anonymous]

Smart, shy, introvert who most likely has a healthy "toy" collection.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would be damn thrilled to have a good straight laced kid like that!!!

This! After the last couple of years dealing with DD's self-destructive social life, I hope her brother turns out to be an absolute hermit.

[Anonymous]

Cousin is 20 and the same way.

[Anonymous]

My parents would have been thrilled with me lol. My dh did this, he was just very studious and did not like to party. He did have friends in college, but did not go out that often. I think more young people will be living at home to save money. The pare ts should just let her have as much freedom (very few curfews, etc) so she feels more free to participate in college life.