What would you think of an 18 year old...

[Anonymous]

Totally fine.

[Anonymous]

Op ~ why do you know this? you don't know everything.

[Anonymous]

That she's me

That's what I did. I lived in a foreign country with a dozen very good universities right in the city - all of my friends lived at home like I did. Only the students coming from the provinces rented flats and lived with roommates.

I studied hard and was introverted. I saw my friends occasionally on nights out.

[Anonymous]

My son is very much like this. We insisted that he live on campus, even though the college is only 30-45 minutes from our house and it ends up costing us twice as much, so he'd get some social "practice." He's definitely doing things he wouldn't be doing if he lived at home, but he still comes home a lot of weekends.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'd think she's sad - that she's not getting the quintessential college experience. It COULD be okay to live at home IF she were making friends in her classes, joining clubs, having fun, etc.

But everyone is not the same. Some people do prefer a quiet life and limited socializing, even when young. And being so young, she might jump right into college life next year. She's pacing herself. And I say that as someone who didn't look back after being dropped off at the freshman dorms. I loved the social side of college life, going out everywhere, meeting loads of people, etc.

Some people know that most people are full of crap and would rather not waste time having fake relationships with them. I avoid most social interaction because most people I meet are so fake I can't stand it.

[Anonymous]

introvert

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How are the grades? I think most freshman underestimate how hard college really is, especially in the first two semesters.

The flip side, the student is not putting themselves in room and board debt (or the parents are not putting themselves in the same debt).

Avoiding that monster debt is BRILLIANT.
Think about it.
The "experience" is way overblown.

[Anonymous]

Introvert, social anxiety maybe. I have a freshman who is doing the same. He's fine and working on his anxiety. Not everyone is ready to leave the nest at the magic age of 18.

[Anonymous]

Introvert, homebody, or just a very ambitious student. Any and all of the three are acceptable. Other possibilities include anxiety, depression, possible abuse or rape in the dorm, etc. Those are all negatives which might force her home to deal with them (or not deal with them). Whatever the reason is, it's not OP's business.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think it's only important what the student thinks. Is she happy? Would she be happier if she lived in a dorm and developed her independence? Is she holding back or are her parents hanging on?

It is my niece. She is the same age as my daughter and it's just interesting to me to see the difference!!

She tried dorm living the first semester at a school 3 hours from home, hated it, transferred back to a university close by and is living at home for the semester. But I think she's trying the dorms again in the fall. Parents are happy to have her, but yeah...it's her that's holding back.

Holding her back?

Seems like she knows what she wants. Her last school wasn't a good fit for whatever reason and she corrected that by coming home, and is willing to try dorms in the fall. Sounds good.

It's not a big deal she doesn't have a boyfriend maybe she's not interested in one right now or maybe she keeps that part of her life private.

Same with friends- she may have them, but just isn't out every night or posting all about it on social media which is fine.

Seems like she is probably more mature than he busy body aunt who gets her jollies by scrutinizing and judging her niece. I feel bad for your daughter and the pressure she must be under to live up to your standards of happiness.

[Anonymous]

My freshman son is like that. He has some friends and goes out some nights but he is happy to be at home and me too! I don't see the problem

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Introvert, social anxiety maybe. I have a freshman who is doing the same. He's fine and working on his anxiety. Not everyone is ready to leave the nest at the magic age of 18.

This. But worth exploring if there is social anxiety that is unaddressed and might lead to depression. If so, it needs to be treated.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:That she's me

That's what I did. I lived in a foreign country with a dozen very good universities right in the city - all of my friends lived at home like I did. Only the students coming from the provinces rented flats and lived with roommates.

I studied hard and was introverted. I saw my friends occasionally on nights out.

+1

The comments about this girl being sad and missing out on the experience are so crazy to me. I grew up in western Canada and out of myself and my large group of high school friends (all partial or full IB diploma), I knew 2 people who went away for undergrad. There's a great, well respected research uni in the city and everyone went there, stayed at home, saved money and had fun. The "college experience" is an American construct - many people in other countries don't have that experience and are happy and successful, so why shouldn't that be true of some Americans too?

[Anonymous]

I lived at home my sophomore year of college after transferring. I am an introvert and being around people 24/7 my freshman year living in a dorm was a lot for me. I didn't make too many friends at my new school as a commuter but some of my HS friends still lived nearby so I would occasionally get together with them. I also had a PT job in addition to FT school. Just like now, I am very happy to come home to a quiet house on Friday nights. I've never had social anxiety though. If the student is happy with her situation, so be it. Not everyone wants or needs to be surrounded by people all of the time.

[Anonymous]

I wish I had been able to do this. My parents would never have tolerated it, of course: they very much believed in the "dorm experience", and my school was in another state. But I am an introvert, and I value quiet and calm time each day, so living in a dorm was a shock. Looking back, cultural expectations aside, I would have been very happy living at home and seeing my friends for dinner or on the weekends. I think the dorm experience is vastly overrated.