Military families and kid friends

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

We were close with a military family and when they got ready to move, she started pulling up the emotional stakes about two or three months ahead as she obviously began to prepare herself for what she had already been through multiple times. Only heard from them once or twice after they left. We did a lot together and it really hurt my feelings -- and really hurt my kids' feelings, too, which is hard for me to forgive. They miss them.

I would think twice next time. My two cents based on experience.

This is pretty close to our experience. Our military neighbors just vanished - like, I think, they must have moved in the middle of the night. Really! They were just gone. They had mentioned casually that they would be leaving but now that I think about it, I think I initiated that conversation and pressed for details (thought the neighborhood might want to give them a send-off party) For as much "oxygen in the room" they took up on their arrival on the street, like expecting a parade, all eyes on them - they left without any fanfare. And yes, it can be hard on kids who don't understand. It's like the friendship wasn't authentic.

Military moves can be quick - they arrange it all, send packers, do the move for the family, so while there is a lot to do, not anything like what someone else would have to do.

Don't the military wives do all that?

???

The only did I do is make sure they don't accidentally pack up my car keys.

And pack the trash.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

We were close with a military family and when they got ready to move, she started pulling up the emotional stakes about two or three months ahead as she obviously began to prepare herself for what she had already been through multiple times. Only heard from them once or twice after they left. We did a lot together and it really hurt my feelings -- and really hurt my kids' feelings, too, which is hard for me to forgive. They miss them.

I would think twice next time. My two cents based on experience.

This is pretty close to our experience. Our military neighbors just vanished - like, I think, they must have moved in the middle of the night. Really! They were just gone. They had mentioned casually that they would be leaving but now that I think about it, I think I initiated that conversation and pressed for details (thought the neighborhood might want to give them a send-off party) For as much "oxygen in the room" they took up on their arrival on the street, like expecting a parade, all eyes on them - they left without any fanfare. And yes, it can be hard on kids who don't understand. It's like the friendship wasn't authentic.

Military moves can be quick - they arrange it all, send packers, do the move for the family, so while there is a lot to do, not anything like what someone else would have to do.

Baha you are clearly not military. They absolutely do not 'arrange it all' they pay for the physical move and that is it. It's not easy and it falls on us.

Yes, I am, my husband is retired. They pay for packing and unpacking. Easy, not fully, but much easier than a civilian move. They do far less if you choose to do it yourself.

When did your husband retire?

Tye PCS moving process has changed quite a bit in the past few years. What was the standard when your husband was active is not the standard now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

We were close with a military family and when they got ready to move, she started pulling up the emotional stakes about two or three months ahead as she obviously began to prepare herself for what she had already been through multiple times. Only heard from them once or twice after they left. We did a lot together and it really hurt my feelings -- and really hurt my kids' feelings, too, which is hard for me to forgive. They miss them.

I would think twice next time. My two cents based on experience.

This is pretty close to our experience. Our military neighbors just vanished - like, I think, they must have moved in the middle of the night. Really! They were just gone. They had mentioned casually that they would be leaving but now that I think about it, I think I initiated that conversation and pressed for details (thought the neighborhood might want to give them a send-off party) For as much "oxygen in the room" they took up on their arrival on the street, like expecting a parade, all eyes on them - they left without any fanfare. And yes, it can be hard on kids who don't understand. It's like the friendship wasn't authentic.

Military moves can be quick - they arrange it all, send packers, do the move for the family, so while there is a lot to do, not anything like what someone else would have to do.

Don't the military wives do all that?

???

The only did I do is make sure they don't accidentally pack up my car keys.

And pack the trash.

Only a problem if it's going into storage!

I must admit I'm surprised by the claim by the recent PP that she had to do so much. My husband calls TMO and sets it up, and the locusts descend. They absolutely DO arrange it all, as of two years ago.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I can't believe this is your actual question. Very sad really on how shallow you are.

We were close with a military family and when they got ready to move, she started pulling up the emotional stakes about two or three months ahead as she obviously began to prepare herself for what she had already been through multiple times. Only heard from them once or twice after they left. We did a lot together and it really hurt my feelings -- and really hurt my kids' feelings, too, which is hard for me to forgive. They miss them.

I would think twice next time. My two cents based on experience.

OP again. This is what I'm worried about. The last time we moved, the kids weren't in school yet, and it was still really hard on them and the couple of families we had gotten close to. We Skyped a few times, and the grown-ups are friends on facebook, but it was sad.

I guess I'm not asking if you'd let them play at school or arrange a play date, but more if you'd facilitate a deep friendship or maybe even discourage it. My kids are prepared for moving and I'm prepared for the sadness, but if I could avoid it for them? I might.

It sounds like they're old enough that you don't need to facilitate, but I certainly wouldn't discourage it. They know the score, and they need close friends, even if it's just for a season.

-military brat and military spouse

It's not me I'm worried about; I'm worried about the other parents discouraging their kids from getting close to mine. I know I can't prevent it if it happens, but I was wondering whether I needed to prepare for the possibility or not. It looks like there are mixed responses here, so we'll just wait and see, and I'll be ready to comfort my kids if things don't work out the way they hope.

Got it. Honestly, it wouldn't cross my mind.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

We were close with a military family and when they got ready to move, she started pulling up the emotional stakes about two or three months ahead as she obviously began to prepare herself for what she had already been through multiple times. Only heard from them once or twice after they left. We did a lot together and it really hurt my feelings -- and really hurt my kids' feelings, too, which is hard for me to forgive. They miss them.

I would think twice next time. My two cents based on experience.

This is pretty close to our experience. Our military neighbors just vanished - like, I think, they must have moved in the middle of the night. Really! They were just gone. They had mentioned casually that they would be leaving but now that I think about it, I think I initiated that conversation and pressed for details (thought the neighborhood might want to give them a send-off party) For as much "oxygen in the room" they took up on their arrival on the street, like expecting a parade, all eyes on them - they left without any fanfare. And yes, it can be hard on kids who don't understand. It's like the friendship wasn't authentic.

Military moves can be quick - they arrange it all, send packers, do the move for the family, so while there is a lot to do, not anything like what someone else would have to do.

Baha you are clearly not military. They absolutely do not 'arrange it all' they pay for the physical move and that is it. It's not easy and it falls on us.

Yes, I am, my husband is retired. They pay for packing and unpacking. Easy, not fully, but much easier than a civilian move. They do far less if you choose to do it yourself.

When did your husband retire?

Tye PCS moving process has changed quite a bit in the past few years. What was the standard when your husband was active is not the standard now.

Oh, please. I'm the OP. Our last move was 1.5 years ago. The only difference was that we could actually pick the moving company and arrange the dates ourselves. They did everything.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

We were close with a military family and when they got ready to move, she started pulling up the emotional stakes about two or three months ahead as she obviously began to prepare herself for what she had already been through multiple times. Only heard from them once or twice after they left. We did a lot together and it really hurt my feelings -- and really hurt my kids' feelings, too, which is hard for me to forgive. They miss them.

I would think twice next time. My two cents based on experience.

This is pretty close to our experience. Our military neighbors just vanished - like, I think, they must have moved in the middle of the night. Really! They were just gone. They had mentioned casually that they would be leaving but now that I think about it, I think I initiated that conversation and pressed for details (thought the neighborhood might want to give them a send-off party) For as much "oxygen in the room" they took up on their arrival on the street, like expecting a parade, all eyes on them - they left without any fanfare. And yes, it can be hard on kids who don't understand. It's like the friendship wasn't authentic.

Military moves can be quick - they arrange it all, send packers, do the move for the family, so while there is a lot to do, not anything like what someone else would have to do.

Don't the military wives do all that?

???

The only did I do is make sure they don't accidentally pack up my car keys.

And pack the trash.

Only a problem if it's going into storage!

I must admit I'm surprised by the claim by the recent PP that she had to do so much. My husband calls TMO and sets it up, and the locusts descend. They absolutely DO arrange it all, as of two years ago.

Civilian here but am surrounded by military families who tell me that the movers will pack up everything in sight, including dirty underwear!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

We were close with a military family and when they got ready to move, she started pulling up the emotional stakes about two or three months ahead as she obviously began to prepare herself for what she had already been through multiple times. Only heard from them once or twice after they left. We did a lot together and it really hurt my feelings -- and really hurt my kids' feelings, too, which is hard for me to forgive. They miss them.

I would think twice next time. My two cents based on experience.

This is pretty close to our experience. Our military neighbors just vanished - like, I think, they must have moved in the middle of the night. Really! They were just gone. They had mentioned casually that they would be leaving but now that I think about it, I think I initiated that conversation and pressed for details (thought the neighborhood might want to give them a send-off party) For as much "oxygen in the room" they took up on their arrival on the street, like expecting a parade, all eyes on them - they left without any fanfare. And yes, it can be hard on kids who don't understand. It's like the friendship wasn't authentic.

Military moves can be quick - they arrange it all, send packers, do the move for the family, so while there is a lot to do, not anything like what someone else would have to do.

Don't the military wives do all that?

???

The only did I do is make sure they don't accidentally pack up my car keys.

And pack the trash.

Only a problem if it's going into storage!

I must admit I'm surprised by the claim by the recent PP that she had to do so much. My husband calls TMO and sets it up, and the locusts descend. They absolutely DO arrange it all, as of two years ago.

Civilian here but am surrounded by military families who tell me that the movers will pack up everything in sight, including dirty underwear!

They do, hence my joke about the car keys.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'd be less likely to facilitate a friendship with a military brat because I don't support the military.

But enjoy what it provides for you

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'd be less likely to facilitate a friendship with a military brat because I don't support the military.

You don't have a problem living in a country that has been defended by the military though.

I do, actually and we're moving out of the country in seven years.

Good - to Europe probably where we carry their weight as well

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

We were close with a military family and when they got ready to move, she started pulling up the emotional stakes about two or three months ahead as she obviously began to prepare herself for what she had already been through multiple times. Only heard from them once or twice after they left. We did a lot together and it really hurt my feelings -- and really hurt my kids' feelings, too, which is hard for me to forgive. They miss them.

I would think twice next time. My two cents based on experience.

This is pretty close to our experience. Our military neighbors just vanished - like, I think, they must have moved in the middle of the night. Really! They were just gone. They had mentioned casually that they would be leaving but now that I think about it, I think I initiated that conversation and pressed for details (thought the neighborhood might want to give them a send-off party) For as much "oxygen in the room" they took up on their arrival on the street, like expecting a parade, all eyes on them - they left without any fanfare. And yes, it can be hard on kids who don't understand. It's like the friendship wasn't authentic.

It's very hard on their side as well. They have to do it over and over.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

It's not me I'm worried about; I'm worried about the other parents discouraging their kids from getting close to mine. I know I can't prevent it if it happens, but I was wondering whether I needed to prepare for the possibility or not. It looks like there are mixed responses here, so we'll just wait and see, and I'll be ready to comfort my kids if things don't work out the way they hope.

I wouldn't actively discourage the friendships, but I would not go out of my way to encourage friendships with anyone that I know is probably going to leave soon. My oldest became best friends with a kid who moved - not military and not that far away - and it's been such a bummer for him. I so wish he'd found someone else to be his best friend because he's just not moving along into other friends and friend groups and he really misses B.

[Anonymous]

We live in a city where there are both large Army and Air Force presences and there are a lot of officers' families in our neighborhood. Also a lot of former military. All of my 3 kids have had good friends move away. I wouldn't discourage friendships with other military kids at all (and probably wouldn't even know if the parents were military unless I saw them in uniform because we're not in DC so people don't exchange credentials before arranging a playdate). I just wish we could manage to visit our friends who have moved to Germany and England before they move again!

I do find that the military wives are pretty involved with other military families more and if their spouse is a higher rank they can have lots of obligations on post, so it can be a little hard to get to know them. But I don't have the best social skills, so it could just be me.

Maybe you'll be our neighbor OP, the house behind us is for rent and we'd love a nice military family with young kids to move in.

[Anonymous]

OP here. We actually moved away from DC, where we have lots of friends. We met there, so I had years in the area before we got married. We've had a couple of moves (and a few children) since we married 10 years ago, and currently live outside of the DC area. I would LOVE to come "home" again, but it will probably be somewhere else. It will be our first move with older children, and I'm already anticipating some heartbreak on this end.

And I'm not involved in military things at all. Maybe it's my husband's job, but no one has ever asked me to do anything anyway. We have a few friends through people he knows from work, and other military folks are usually looking for friends, so they tend to move faster and be more available, but our biggest social group comes from our synagogue and our kids' schools.

[funnysunny]

Always deal with good people, especially children, and try to be good and kind. This is my rule. Other kids move too and it might be nice to keep in touch after or at least have fun memories and hope to meet someday in the future! ))

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Would you be less inclined to facilitate a friendship with military children because you know they won't be around long? Particularly older children (3rd-4th grade) because friend groups and routines are already established? Is it too much work?

I would facilitate for that reason. Kids need to learn that it's okay to put a lot of effort into a friendship and have it change or end when the friend moves.