Stay at home mom

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I work, I make over $200k, DH works a lot too, makes more but is volatile income, we have two little Pre-K kids and a live-out nanny.

Someone asked me the other day if I have ever considered quitting my career and staying at home with the kids. Q1 - Why did you or your spouse do it?

I would strongly consider it as, while it is hard work too, I think it would be best for the kids. But I also won't consider it because I have a great fear that it would cause my husband to "check out" even more. He already doesn't pay attention to any going on with the house, yard, kids, vacations, or family and it has been a real struggle for me. I feel I don't have a partner to help plan or tackle anything coming up in our lives. Meanwhile, he is not like that at work or with his parents or with friends he wants to impress.

DH would like me to stay at home, but because he feels it would be best way to run the household smoothly. I feel it would build greater resentment, I already do close to everything and have tried various tactics to get him more involved but he just isn't. He doesn't even make time to talk about decisions or deadlines we have coming up (e.g. plan 4 of july trip, his parents want to visit for 2-3 weeks, summer camp or not, what lawn service, etc.).

Q2 - What would you do if you were me?

This is a huge red flag for me. I SAH and wouldn't have it any other way but DH is 100% my partner in every way and we both give it our all. I've been home almost 10 years.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm from Sweden and the concept of SAHM is so foreign to me.

This is surprising. Given the myths about your Nirvana state perpetuated by American media, I'm shocked people work in Sweden at all. Why?

Not working is strange, no matter if you are a man or woman. I was seriously stunned when I moved here. The thought of a Swedish mother not working is indeed extremely foreign. I'd say it is as strange as an American man not working. Sure it happend, but it is seen as an oddity and generally not very respected. The same standards are applied to Swedish women. Though, I think this is changing with the influx of uneducated immigrants.

Of course, swedish women are given ample maternity leave, so there's no point in staying home, ad swish children go to school at 2yrs old, funded by the state.

Swedish people HAVE to work. It is expensive to live.

[Anonymous]

Don't risk financial dependence in an unequal and apparently unhealthy marriage. If you two were collaborative and respectful partners, it might work (but ironically would be less needed). This way? No way.