My child was admitted to the HGC

[Anonymous]

If you aren't troubled by the multiple threads on HGCs, magnets, appeals, etc., then let's just agree to disagree.

While there are countless parenting styles---and the vast majority are perfectly fine---I think we can quickly separate all parents into 2 broad categories: those who think about HGCs when their kid is only in K, and the rest of us.

'Nuff said.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I take your words that your kids are kind and nice kids. I am sorry to say your posts in this thread sound judgemental and superior. I hope this is an anomaly. Otherwise, they didn't get the kindness from you.

I hear you. And I suppose they might come across as judgmental. But focus on what I'm cautioning folks about: putting too much pressure on their kids. Agonizing over HGC admission and appeals. These are very young kids whose education is just beginning, and some parents seem to be heading down a dangerous path.

I'm not patting myself on my back---because I don't compare myself or my children to others. Rather, I'm trying to get people to take a deep breath and dual it down a bit. The front page of this forum is filled with threads about HGCs, magnets, etc. The angst is palpable.

One last thing: please notice that I'm not throwing rocks or hurling personal insults. I'm talking in the abstract when it comes to other posters. You, on the other hand, are not.

I have a DC in 5th grade HGC, and I tend to agree with OP a bit. Too much angst over 2 yrs of ES. However, DC is my oldest, so I don't have any experience with the home school 4th/5th grade. Is the experience really *that* different between HGC and homeschool? I know the peer group is obviously different, but can the curriculum and depth of what they learn really be that different?

I agree with a PP, that most of the kids in HGC seem very bright, but not to the extreme genius level. Such kids would probably be bored with HGC as well.

[Anonymous]

We didn't think about the HGC when our child was in K. Thought about it in 3rd when it was time to apply. But I think you assume bc my kids go there that we are obsessed parents.

[Anonymous]

Yes the depth is very different and so are the expectations. In the HGC they do multiple drafts. They research and write much more than in the home schools. Part of it is the peer group but it is also a different curriculum and standards n

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We didn't think about the HGC when our child was in K. Thought about it in 3rd when it was time to apply. But I think you assume bc my kids go there that we are obsessed parents.

Not at all. Why would I? I don't know you.

As I commented above, these musings apply to the posters who are clearly obsessed. Why you felt compelled to chime in is a bit befuddling, but that's okay. This is DCUMLandia, and everyone is welcome to comment.

Gentle suggestion: don't take posts on dcum personally...they aren't directed at you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Bright kids don't need a helicopter parent.

But all kids need involved parents.

Involved parents aren't "anxious" about HGC admittance or travel teams...those are competitive helicopter parents who are living vicariously through their children...typically because they weren't as accomplished during their own childhood. Trust me, we can pick you out of the crowd. You aren't doing any favors for your child.

So, if I am anxious about my kid's HGC or magnet acceptance, I am a bad parent? WTF?

Yep. You're likely creating a very stressful environment for your child, and that's not helpful. It can actually be quite harmful.

You need to strike the right balance: be nurturing and supportive, but realize that your child's accomplishments are their own.

I would love to see how your kids turn out.

Thanks for proving my point.

Why are you in competition with a stranger on dcum? How would you measure success between our kids? And why would you want to?

You ladies are truly nutty. I hope your kids don't end up in therapy. You remind me of a girl I went to school with who literally busted out a bottle of Advil every time a new project was assigned. Her mother did a number on her. They were in family therapy and individual therapy starting in middle school. Sure, she graduated from an Ivy...but she's single, childless, and essentially a broken person thanks to her mother's actions. Of course, there are other ways for children of controlling helicopter parents to rebel: eating disorders, drugs, sex, and suicide.

So, do you take total "hands-off" approach? How old is your kid and how is (s)he doing?

My oldest is in high school. Mostly straight As.

Middle schooler is a straight A student.

Elementary student is Ps with 1-2 ES per quarter.

They're fine. Bright, happy, athletic and well-rounded.

I'm a lawyer and was an excellent student who tested well. DH didn't test well and was a solid B (sometimes C) student. (By the way, DH out earns me...which should be a lesson to some of you who erroneously believe that grades and fancy schools are a golden ticket). Education matters to us, but we aren't creating a pressure cooker for our kids. We aren't pushing. We aren't demanding. We aren't setting unrealistic expectations. We don't feel anxious about anything. We realize that we had our own childhood, and that this is their childhood. Their accomplishments are their own---not mine.

And I'm sure many of you will say that you aren't pressuring your kids. But I've heard you before. I've heard you chastise your kid after a soccer game. I've heard you compare your kid's project to a classmate's project. I've heard you say, "a moment on the lips, a lifetime on the hips."

My kids are being raised in an environment where they realize that kids who do a semester or two at MC before graduating from UMCP are on equal footing with the Blair kids who got free rides. That takes the pressure off. They know that DH and I aren't living vicariously through them and that we are always proud of them regardless of their grades and academic accomplishments. Ymmv (heck, I know it does after reading these threads).

Candidly, I derive the most pleasure from hearing compliments on how kind my kids are. From a very early age, my kids have been adept at carrying on conversations with adults, putting people at ease, and charming folks. They're the kids who stand up and introduce themselves when a person joins the group. They're the kids who jump up and offer their seat to an adult.

Last summer my oldest was mowing the lawn when the trash collector pulled up, and my son ran inside to grab water bottles for the men. He chatted with them for a few minutes before they moved on. My neighbor told me the story. That was a proud moment.

I'll beat the snarky comment from the haters by proactively saying that my son will not grow up to be a garbage collector. He's going to college and is on the fence about a career in philanthropy or as a sports agent. He's pushy in a fun way, so he would excel in either arena.

I'm not saying to ignore your child's education. I'm just observing a tremendous amount of angst and pressure that is completely unnecessary and often harmful.

The people who "win" at life typically weren't top of their class...think about that. And think about how you would define "winning at life" for your kids. My definition doesn't contemplate GPA at all.

Does anyone else read her description of her son and think she's raising a real life Eddie Haskil?

Pretty darn close!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Bright kids don't need a helicopter parent.

But all kids need involved parents.

Involved parents aren't "anxious" about HGC admittance or travel teams...those are competitive helicopter parents who are living vicariously through their children...typically because they weren't as accomplished during their own childhood. Trust me, we can pick you out of the crowd. You aren't doing any favors for your child.

So, if I am anxious about my kid's HGC or magnet acceptance, I am a bad parent? WTF?

Yep. You're likely creating a very stressful environment for your child, and that's not helpful. It can actually be quite harmful.

You need to strike the right balance: be nurturing and supportive, but realize that your child's accomplishments are their own.

I would love to see how your kids turn out.

Thanks for proving my point.

Why are you in competition with a stranger on dcum? How would you measure success between our kids? And why would you want to?

You ladies are truly nutty. I hope your kids don't end up in therapy. You remind me of a girl I went to school with who literally busted out a bottle of Advil every time a new project was assigned. Her mother did a number on her. They were in family therapy and individual therapy starting in middle school. Sure, she graduated from an Ivy...but she's single, childless, and essentially a broken person thanks to her mother's actions. Of course, there are other ways for children of controlling helicopter parents to rebel: eating disorders, drugs, sex, and suicide.

So, do you take total "hands-off" approach? How old is your kid and how is (s)he doing?

My oldest is in high school. Mostly straight As.

Middle schooler is a straight A student.

Elementary student is Ps with 1-2 ES per quarter.

They're fine. Bright, happy, athletic and well-rounded.

I'm a lawyer and was an excellent student who tested well. DH didn't test well and was a solid B (sometimes C) student. (By the way, DH out earns me...which should be a lesson to some of you who erroneously believe that grades and fancy schools are a golden ticket). Education matters to us, but we aren't creating a pressure cooker for our kids. We aren't pushing. We aren't demanding. We aren't setting unrealistic expectations. We don't feel anxious about anything. We realize that we had our own childhood, and that this is their childhood. Their accomplishments are their own---not mine.

And I'm sure many of you will say that you aren't pressuring your kids. But I've heard you before. I've heard you chastise your kid after a soccer game. I've heard you compare your kid's project to a classmate's project. I've heard you say, "a moment on the lips, a lifetime on the hips."

My kids are being raised in an environment where they realize that kids who do a semester or two at MC before graduating from UMCP are on equal footing with the Blair kids who got free rides. That takes the pressure off. They know that DH and I aren't living vicariously through them and that we are always proud of them regardless of their grades and academic accomplishments. Ymmv (heck, I know it does after reading these threads).

Candidly, I derive the most pleasure from hearing compliments on how kind my kids are. From a very early age, my kids have been adept at carrying on conversations with adults, putting people at ease, and charming folks. They're the kids who stand up and introduce themselves when a person joins the group. They're the kids who jump up and offer their seat to an adult.

Last summer my oldest was mowing the lawn when the trash collector pulled up, and my son ran inside to grab water bottles for the men. He chatted with them for a few minutes before they moved on. My neighbor told me the story. That was a proud moment.

I'll beat the snarky comment from the haters by proactively saying that my son will not grow up to be a garbage collector. He's going to college and is on the fence about a career in philanthropy or as a sports agent. He's pushy in a fun way, so he would excel in either arena.

I'm not saying to ignore your child's education. I'm just observing a tremendous amount of angst and pressure that is completely unnecessary and often harmful.

The people who "win" at life typically weren't top of their class...think about that. And think about how you would define "winning at life" for your kids. My definition doesn't contemplate GPA at all.

Does anyone else read her description of her son and think she's raising a real life Eddie Haskil?

Nope. My kids are truly kind. They aren't fake. But you can choose to believe that if it makes you feel better.

My kids are the ones who stand up against bullies and welcome everyone to the group. They go out of their way to include the kids with special needs or kids who are often the targets of bully. They're just really cool people. They haven't been raised in a bubble, and I think their exposure to human suffering and compassion made a tremendous impact on their moral compass.

Sure they are. "YOU" are their mother after all. Frankly, you don't sound anything special PP. Just a mom who thinks her kids are the best and all other parents suck. Take a number.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Bright kids don't need a helicopter parent.

But all kids need involved parents.

Involved parents aren't "anxious" about HGC admittance or travel teams...those are competitive helicopter parents who are living vicariously through their children...typically because they weren't as accomplished during their own childhood. Trust me, we can pick you out of the crowd. You aren't doing any favors for your child.

So, if I am anxious about my kid's HGC or magnet acceptance, I am a bad parent? WTF?

Yep. You're likely creating a very stressful environment for your child, and that's not helpful. It can actually be quite harmful.

You need to strike the right balance: be nurturing and supportive, but realize that your child's accomplishments are their own.

I would love to see how your kids turn out.

Thanks for proving my point.

Why are you in competition with a stranger on dcum? How would you measure success between our kids? And why would you want to?

You ladies are truly nutty. I hope your kids don't end up in therapy. You remind me of a girl I went to school with who literally busted out a bottle of Advil every time a new project was assigned. Her mother did a number on her. They were in family therapy and individual therapy starting in middle school. Sure, she graduated from an Ivy...but she's single, childless, and essentially a broken person thanks to her mother's actions. Of course, there are other ways for children of controlling helicopter parents to rebel: eating disorders, drugs, sex, and suicide.

So, do you take total "hands-off" approach? How old is your kid and how is (s)he doing?

My oldest is in high school. Mostly straight As.

Middle schooler is a straight A student.

Elementary student is Ps with 1-2 ES per quarter.

They're fine. Bright, happy, athletic and well-rounded.

I'm a lawyer and was an excellent student who tested well. DH didn't test well and was a solid B (sometimes C) student. (By the way, DH out earns me...which should be a lesson to some of you who erroneously believe that grades and fancy schools are a golden ticket). Education matters to us, but we aren't creating a pressure cooker for our kids. We aren't pushing. We aren't demanding. We aren't setting unrealistic expectations. We don't feel anxious about anything. We realize that we had our own childhood, and that this is their childhood. Their accomplishments are their own---not mine.

And I'm sure many of you will say that you aren't pressuring your kids. But I've heard you before. I've heard you chastise your kid after a soccer game. I've heard you compare your kid's project to a classmate's project. I've heard you say, "a moment on the lips, a lifetime on the hips."

My kids are being raised in an environment where they realize that kids who do a semester or two at MC before graduating from UMCP are on equal footing with the Blair kids who got free rides. That takes the pressure off. They know that DH and I aren't living vicariously through them and that we are always proud of them regardless of their grades and academic accomplishments. Ymmv (heck, I know it does after reading these threads).

Candidly, I derive the most pleasure from hearing compliments on how kind my kids are. From a very early age, my kids have been adept at carrying on conversations with adults, putting people at ease, and charming folks. They're the kids who stand up and introduce themselves when a person joins the group. They're the kids who jump up and offer their seat to an adult.

Last summer my oldest was mowing the lawn when the trash collector pulled up, and my son ran inside to grab water bottles for the men. He chatted with them for a few minutes before they moved on. My neighbor told me the story. That was a proud moment.

I'll beat the snarky comment from the haters by proactively saying that my son will not grow up to be a garbage collector. He's going to college and is on the fence about a career in philanthropy or as a sports agent. He's pushy in a fun way, so he would excel in either arena.

I'm not saying to ignore your child's education. I'm just observing a tremendous amount of angst and pressure that is completely unnecessary and often harmful.

The people who "win" at life typically weren't top of their class...think about that. And think about how you would define "winning at life" for your kids. My definition doesn't contemplate GPA at all.

Does anyone else read her description of her son and think she's raising a real life Eddie Haskil?

Nope. My kids are truly kind. They aren't fake. But you can choose to believe that if it makes you feel better.

My kids are the ones who stand up against bullies and welcome everyone to the group. They go out of their way to include the kids with special needs or kids who are often the targets of bully. They're just really cool people. They haven't been raised in a bubble, and I think their exposure to human suffering and compassion made a tremendous impact on their moral compass.

Sure they are. "YOU" are their mother after all. Frankly, you don't sound anything special PP. Just a mom who thinks her kids are the best and all other parents suck. Take a number.

I think it's interesting how you are internalizing a post and taking it personally. Did I strike a chord?

I'm not criticizing all parents--or any, really. Instead, I'm shining a light on the obvious frenzy in the multiple HGC, magnets, the sky is falling threads that are on the first page of this forum. I realize this most certainly is not representative of most parents. It's merely a small segment of parents. But I think it's helpful for folks to point out that agonizing over HGCs really isn't necessary---and can be harmful. That's all.

And I'll note that I haven't personally attacked anyone or hurled any personal insults. Others have...and perhaps they make up that small segment of parents agonizing over HGCs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Bright kids don't need a helicopter parent.

But all kids need involved parents.

Involved parents aren't "anxious" about HGC admittance or travel teams...those are competitive helicopter parents who are living vicariously through their children...typically because they weren't as accomplished during their own childhood. Trust me, we can pick you out of the crowd. You aren't doing any favors for your child.

So, if I am anxious about my kid's HGC or magnet acceptance, I am a bad parent? WTF?

Yep. You're likely creating a very stressful environment for your child, and that's not helpful. It can actually be quite harmful.

You need to strike the right balance: be nurturing and supportive, but realize that your child's accomplishments are their own.

I would love to see how your kids turn out.

Thanks for proving my point.

Why are you in competition with a stranger on dcum? How would you measure success between our kids? And why would you want to?

You ladies are truly nutty. I hope your kids don't end up in therapy. You remind me of a girl I went to school with who literally busted out a bottle of Advil every time a new project was assigned. Her mother did a number on her. They were in family therapy and individual therapy starting in middle school. Sure, she graduated from an Ivy...but she's single, childless, and essentially a broken person thanks to her mother's actions. Of course, there are other ways for children of controlling helicopter parents to rebel: eating disorders, drugs, sex, and suicide.

So, do you take total "hands-off" approach? How old is your kid and how is (s)he doing?

My oldest is in high school. Mostly straight As.

Middle schooler is a straight A student.

Elementary student is Ps with 1-2 ES per quarter.

They're fine. Bright, happy, athletic and well-rounded.

I'm a lawyer and was an excellent student who tested well. DH didn't test well and was a solid B (sometimes C) student. (By the way, DH out earns me...which should be a lesson to some of you who erroneously believe that grades and fancy schools are a golden ticket). Education matters to us, but we aren't creating a pressure cooker for our kids. We aren't pushing. We aren't demanding. We aren't setting unrealistic expectations. We don't feel anxious about anything. We realize that we had our own childhood, and that this is their childhood. Their accomplishments are their own---not mine.

And I'm sure many of you will say that you aren't pressuring your kids. But I've heard you before. I've heard you chastise your kid after a soccer game. I've heard you compare your kid's project to a classmate's project. I've heard you say, "a moment on the lips, a lifetime on the hips."

My kids are being raised in an environment where they realize that kids who do a semester or two at MC before graduating from UMCP are on equal footing with the Blair kids who got free rides. That takes the pressure off. They know that DH and I aren't living vicariously through them and that we are always proud of them regardless of their grades and academic accomplishments. Ymmv (heck, I know it does after reading these threads).

Candidly, I derive the most pleasure from hearing compliments on how kind my kids are. From a very early age, my kids have been adept at carrying on conversations with adults, putting people at ease, and charming folks. They're the kids who stand up and introduce themselves when a person joins the group. They're the kids who jump up and offer their seat to an adult.

Last summer my oldest was mowing the lawn when the trash collector pulled up, and my son ran inside to grab water bottles for the men. He chatted with them for a few minutes before they moved on. My neighbor told me the story. That was a proud moment.

I'll beat the snarky comment from the haters by proactively saying that my son will not grow up to be a garbage collector. He's going to college and is on the fence about a career in philanthropy or as a sports agent. He's pushy in a fun way, so he would excel in either arena.

I'm not saying to ignore your child's education. I'm just observing a tremendous amount of angst and pressure that is completely unnecessary and often harmful.

The people who "win" at life typically weren't top of their class...think about that. And think about how you would define "winning at life" for your kids. My definition doesn't contemplate GPA at all.

Does anyone else read her description of her son and think she's raising a real life Eddie Haskil?

Pretty darn close!!

???

Why would Eddie Haskell give garbage collectors a drink and chat with them?

I bet you never even watched Leave it to Beaver!

Silly Mommy ;0)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Bright kids don't need a helicopter parent.

But all kids need involved parents.

Involved parents aren't "anxious" about HGC admittance or travel teams...those are competitive helicopter parents who are living vicariously through their children...typically because they weren't as accomplished during their own childhood. Trust me, we can pick you out of the crowd. You aren't doing any favors for your child.

So, if I am anxious about my kid's HGC or magnet acceptance, I am a bad parent? WTF?

Yep. You're likely creating a very stressful environment for your child, and that's not helpful. It can actually be quite harmful.

You need to strike the right balance: be nurturing and supportive, but realize that your child's accomplishments are their own.

I would love to see how your kids turn out.

Thanks for proving my point.

Why are you in competition with a stranger on dcum? How would you measure success between our kids? And why would you want to?

You ladies are truly nutty. I hope your kids don't end up in therapy. You remind me of a girl I went to school with who literally busted out a bottle of Advil every time a new project was assigned. Her mother did a number on her. They were in family therapy and individual therapy starting in middle school. Sure, she graduated from an Ivy...but she's single, childless, and essentially a broken person thanks to her mother's actions. Of course, there are other ways for children of controlling helicopter parents to rebel: eating disorders, drugs, sex, and suicide.

So, do you take total "hands-off" approach? How old is your kid and how is (s)he doing?

My oldest is in high school. Mostly straight As.

Middle schooler is a straight A student.

Elementary student is Ps with 1-2 ES per quarter.

They're fine. Bright, happy, athletic and well-rounded.

I'm a lawyer and was an excellent student who tested well. DH didn't test well and was a solid B (sometimes C) student. (By the way, DH out earns me...which should be a lesson to some of you who erroneously believe that grades and fancy schools are a golden ticket). Education matters to us, but we aren't creating a pressure cooker for our kids. We aren't pushing. We aren't demanding. We aren't setting unrealistic expectations. We don't feel anxious about anything. We realize that we had our own childhood, and that this is their childhood. Their accomplishments are their own---not mine.

And I'm sure many of you will say that you aren't pressuring your kids. But I've heard you before. I've heard you chastise your kid after a soccer game. I've heard you compare your kid's project to a classmate's project. I've heard you say, "a moment on the lips, a lifetime on the hips."

My kids are being raised in an environment where they realize that kids who do a semester or two at MC before graduating from UMCP are on equal footing with the Blair kids who got free rides. That takes the pressure off. They know that DH and I aren't living vicariously through them and that we are always proud of them regardless of their grades and academic accomplishments. Ymmv (heck, I know it does after reading these threads).

Candidly, I derive the most pleasure from hearing compliments on how kind my kids are. From a very early age, my kids have been adept at carrying on conversations with adults, putting people at ease, and charming folks. They're the kids who stand up and introduce themselves when a person joins the group. They're the kids who jump up and offer their seat to an adult.

Last summer my oldest was mowing the lawn when the trash collector pulled up, and my son ran inside to grab water bottles for the men. He chatted with them for a few minutes before they moved on. My neighbor told me the story. That was a proud moment.

I'll beat the snarky comment from the haters by proactively saying that my son will not grow up to be a garbage collector. He's going to college and is on the fence about a career in philanthropy or as a sports agent. He's pushy in a fun way, so he would excel in either arena.

I'm not saying to ignore your child's education. I'm just observing a tremendous amount of angst and pressure that is completely unnecessary and often harmful.

The people who "win" at life typically weren't top of their class...think about that. And think about how you would define "winning at life" for your kids. My definition doesn't contemplate GPA at all.

Does anyone else read her description of her son and think she's raising a real life Eddie Haskil?

Nope. My kids are truly kind. They aren't fake. But you can choose to believe that if it makes you feel better.

My kids are the ones who stand up against bullies and welcome everyone to the group. They go out of their way to include the kids with special needs or kids who are often the targets of bully. They're just really cool people. They haven't been raised in a bubble, and I think their exposure to human suffering and compassion made a tremendous impact on their moral compass.

Sure they are. "YOU" are their mother after all. Frankly, you don't sound anything special PP. Just a mom who thinks her kids are the best and all other parents suck. Take a number.

I think it's interesting how you are internalizing a post and taking it personally. Did I strike a chord?

I'm not criticizing all parents--or any, really. Instead, I'm shining a light on the obvious frenzy in the multiple HGC, magnets, the sky is falling threads that are on the first page of this forum. I realize this most certainly is not representative of most parents. It's merely a small segment of parents. But I think it's helpful for folks to point out that agonizing over HGCs really isn't necessary---and can be harmful. That's all.

And I'll note that I haven't personally attacked anyone or hurled any personal insults. Others have...and perhaps they make up that small segment of parents agonizing over HGCs.

I think you are. At least be honest about it. I really hate people like you - people who criticize other parents and their parenting style - like you are so much better than others. I wish they would (and you too) STFU MYOB.

[Anonymous]

You think you haven't attacked any one. Maybe you haven't. You have done better. You have attacked a whole group of parents. Good for you!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Bright kids don't need a helicopter parent.

But all kids need involved parents.

Involved parents aren't "anxious" about HGC admittance or travel teams...those are competitive helicopter parents who are living vicariously through their children...typically because they weren't as accomplished during their own childhood. Trust me, we can pick you out of the crowd. You aren't doing any favors for your child.

So, if I am anxious about my kid's HGC or magnet acceptance, I am a bad parent? WTF?

Yep. You're likely creating a very stressful environment for your child, and that's not helpful. It can actually be quite harmful.

You need to strike the right balance: be nurturing and supportive, but realize that your child's accomplishments are their own.

I would love to see how your kids turn out.

Thanks for proving my point.

Why are you in competition with a stranger on dcum? How would you measure success between our kids? And why would you want to?

You ladies are truly nutty. I hope your kids don't end up in therapy. You remind me of a girl I went to school with who literally busted out a bottle of Advil every time a new project was assigned. Her mother did a number on her. They were in family therapy and individual therapy starting in middle school. Sure, she graduated from an Ivy...but she's single, childless, and essentially a broken person thanks to her mother's actions. Of course, there are other ways for children of controlling helicopter parents to rebel: eating disorders, drugs, sex, and suicide.

So, do you take total "hands-off" approach? How old is your kid and how is (s)he doing?

My oldest is in high school. Mostly straight As.

Middle schooler is a straight A student.

Elementary student is Ps with 1-2 ES per quarter.

They're fine. Bright, happy, athletic and well-rounded.

I'm a lawyer and was an excellent student who tested well. DH didn't test well and was a solid B (sometimes C) student. (By the way, DH out earns me...which should be a lesson to some of you who erroneously believe that grades and fancy schools are a golden ticket). Education matters to us, but we aren't creating a pressure cooker for our kids. We aren't pushing. We aren't demanding. We aren't setting unrealistic expectations. We don't feel anxious about anything. We realize that we had our own childhood, and that this is their childhood. Their accomplishments are their own---not mine.

And I'm sure many of you will say that you aren't pressuring your kids. But I've heard you before. I've heard you chastise your kid after a soccer game. I've heard you compare your kid's project to a classmate's project. I've heard you say, "a moment on the lips, a lifetime on the hips."

My kids are being raised in an environment where they realize that kids who do a semester or two at MC before graduating from UMCP are on equal footing with the Blair kids who got free rides. That takes the pressure off. They know that DH and I aren't living vicariously through them and that we are always proud of them regardless of their grades and academic accomplishments. Ymmv (heck, I know it does after reading these threads).

Candidly, I derive the most pleasure from hearing compliments on how kind my kids are. From a very early age, my kids have been adept at carrying on conversations with adults, putting people at ease, and charming folks. They're the kids who stand up and introduce themselves when a person joins the group. They're the kids who jump up and offer their seat to an adult.

Last summer my oldest was mowing the lawn when the trash collector pulled up, and my son ran inside to grab water bottles for the men. He chatted with them for a few minutes before they moved on. My neighbor told me the story. That was a proud moment.

I'll beat the snarky comment from the haters by proactively saying that my son will not grow up to be a garbage collector. He's going to college and is on the fence about a career in philanthropy or as a sports agent. He's pushy in a fun way, so he would excel in either arena.

I'm not saying to ignore your child's education. I'm just observing a tremendous amount of angst and pressure that is completely unnecessary and often harmful.

The people who "win" at life typically weren't top of their class...think about that. And think about how you would define "winning at life" for your kids. My definition doesn't contemplate GPA at all.

Does anyone else read her description of her son and think she's raising a real life Eddie Haskil?

Nope. My kids are truly kind. They aren't fake. But you can choose to believe that if it makes you feel better.

My kids are the ones who stand up against bullies and welcome everyone to the group. They go out of their way to include the kids with special needs or kids who are often the targets of bully. They're just really cool people. They haven't been raised in a bubble, and I think their exposure to human suffering and compassion made a tremendous impact on their moral compass.

We get it. Ward and June - with their exemplary parenting skills and empathy for the suffering- have raised tomorrow's saviors.

Thank you!

[Anonymous]

You definitely struck a chord PP! I agree with you and think you sound very sane. But this forum isn't filled with sane, well adjusted people. They are just the people you speak of (not all of them) and they can't hear that their over involvement could have a negative impact. They can't hear criticism.

A lot of very interesting and successful people in the world are merely bright, and not "gifted." The value/meaning/accuracy of these terms/labels tend to fade over time as personal interests and strenghts direct a person's academic studies instead of the labels adults give them based on a test given here or there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You definitely struck a chord PP! I agree with you and think you sound very sane. But this forum isn't filled with sane, well adjusted people. They are just the people you speak of (not all of them) and they can't hear that their over involvement could have a negative impact. They can't hear criticism.

A lot of very interesting and successful people in the world are merely bright, and not "gifted." The value/meaning/accuracy of these terms/labels tend to fade over time as personal interests and strenghts direct a person's academic studies instead of the labels adults give them based on a test given here or there.

+ a million

PSA: Everyone should go watch the latest episode of Blackish on demand ABC (3/16). The parents go bananas over travel basketball, but then see the error in their ways.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:congratulations on successfully and brilliantly illustrating the meaning of a "humble brag."

someone should screen shot this post and copy it when people ask what a humble brag is.

+1. Enough said. I can stop reading this thread right here.