My child was admitted to the HGC

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Bright kids don't need a helicopter parent.

But all kids need involved parents.

Involved parents aren't "anxious" about HGC admittance or travel teams...those are competitive helicopter parents who are living vicariously through their children...typically because they weren't as accomplished during their own childhood. Trust me, we can pick you out of the crowd. You aren't doing any favors for your child.

So, if I am anxious about my kid's HGC or magnet acceptance, I am a bad parent? WTF?

Yep. You're likely creating a very stressful environment for your child, and that's not helpful. It can actually be quite harmful.

You need to strike the right balance: be nurturing and supportive, but realize that your child's accomplishments are their own.

I would love to see how your kids turn out.

Thanks for proving my point.

Why are you in competition with a stranger on dcum? How would you measure success between our kids? And why would you want to?

You ladies are truly nutty. I hope your kids don't end up in therapy. You remind me of a girl I went to school with who literally busted out a bottle of Advil every time a new project was assigned. Her mother did a number on her. They were in family therapy and individual therapy starting in middle school. Sure, she graduated from an Ivy...but she's single, childless, and essentially a broken person thanks to her mother's actions. Of course, there are other ways for children of controlling helicopter parents to rebel: eating disorders, drugs, sex, and suicide.

So, do you take total "hands-off" approach? How old is your kid and how is (s)he doing?

My oldest is in high school. Mostly straight As.

Middle schooler is a straight A student.

Elementary student is Ps with 1-2 ES per quarter.

They're fine. Bright, happy, athletic and well-rounded.

I'm a lawyer and was an excellent student who tested well. DH didn't test well and was a solid B (sometimes C) student. (By the way, DH out earns me...which should be a lesson to some of you who erroneously believe that grades and fancy schools are a golden ticket). Education matters to us, but we aren't creating a pressure cooker for our kids. We aren't pushing. We aren't demanding. We aren't setting unrealistic expectations. We don't feel anxious about anything. We realize that we had our own childhood, and that this is their childhood. Their accomplishments are their own---not mine.

And I'm sure many of you will say that you aren't pressuring your kids. But I've heard you before. I've heard you chastise your kid after a soccer game. I've heard you compare your kid's project to a classmate's project. I've heard you say, "a moment on the lips, a lifetime on the hips."

My kids are being raised in an environment where they realize that kids who do a semester or two at MC before graduating from UMCP are on equal footing with the Blair kids who got free rides. That takes the pressure off. They know that DH and I aren't living vicariously through them and that we are always proud of them regardless of their grades and academic accomplishments. Ymmv (heck, I know it does after reading these threads).

Candidly, I derive the most pleasure from hearing compliments on how kind my kids are. From a very early age, my kids have been adept at carrying on conversations with adults, putting people at ease, and charming folks. They're the kids who stand up and introduce themselves when a person joins the group. They're the kids who jump up and offer their seat to an adult.

Last summer my oldest was mowing the lawn when the trash collector pulled up, and my son ran inside to grab water bottles for the men. He chatted with them for a few minutes before they moved on. My neighbor told me the story. That was a proud moment.

I'll beat the snarky comment from the haters by proactively saying that my son will not grow up to be a garbage collector. He's going to college and is on the fence about a career in philanthropy or as a sports agent. He's pushy in a fun way, so he would excel in either arena.

I'm not saying to ignore your child's education. I'm just observing a tremendous amount of angst and pressure that is completely unnecessary and often harmful.

The people who "win" at life typically weren't top of their class...think about that. And think about how you would define "winning at life" for your kids. My definition doesn't contemplate GPA at all.

Thank you for this post. It's leaving me feeling really good. (Imagine that, I'm about to leave DCUMland feeling inspired!)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Bright kids don't need a helicopter parent.

But all kids need involved parents.

Involved parents aren't "anxious" about HGC admittance or travel teams...those are competitive helicopter parents who are living vicariously through their children...typically because they weren't as accomplished during their own childhood. Trust me, we can pick you out of the crowd. You aren't doing any favors for your child.

So, if I am anxious about my kid's HGC or magnet acceptance, I am a bad parent? WTF?

Yep. You're likely creating a very stressful environment for your child, and that's not helpful. It can actually be quite harmful.

You need to strike the right balance: be nurturing and supportive, but realize that your child's accomplishments are their own.

I would love to see how your kids turn out.

Thanks for proving my point.

Why are you in competition with a stranger on dcum? How would you measure success between our kids? And why would you want to?

You ladies are truly nutty. I hope your kids don't end up in therapy. You remind me of a girl I went to school with who literally busted out a bottle of Advil every time a new project was assigned. Her mother did a number on her. They were in family therapy and individual therapy starting in middle school. Sure, she graduated from an Ivy...but she's single, childless, and essentially a broken person thanks to her mother's actions. Of course, there are other ways for children of controlling helicopter parents to rebel: eating disorders, drugs, sex, and suicide.

So, do you take total "hands-off" approach? How old is your kid and how is (s)he doing?

My oldest is in high school. Mostly straight As.

Middle schooler is a straight A student.

Elementary student is Ps with 1-2 ES per quarter.

They're fine. Bright, happy, athletic and well-rounded.

I'm a lawyer and was an excellent student who tested well. DH didn't test well and was a solid B (sometimes C) student. (By the way, DH out earns me...which should be a lesson to some of you who erroneously believe that grades and fancy schools are a golden ticket). Education matters to us, but we aren't creating a pressure cooker for our kids. We aren't pushing. We aren't demanding. We aren't setting unrealistic expectations. We don't feel anxious about anything. We realize that we had our own childhood, and that this is their childhood. Their accomplishments are their own---not mine.

And I'm sure many of you will say that you aren't pressuring your kids. But I've heard you before. I've heard you chastise your kid after a soccer game. I've heard you compare your kid's project to a classmate's project. I've heard you say, "a moment on the lips, a lifetime on the hips."

My kids are being raised in an environment where they realize that kids who do a semester or two at MC before graduating from UMCP are on equal footing with the Blair kids who got free rides. That takes the pressure off. They know that DH and I aren't living vicariously through them and that we are always proud of them regardless of their grades and academic accomplishments. Ymmv (heck, I know it does after reading these threads).

Candidly, I derive the most pleasure from hearing compliments on how kind my kids are. From a very early age, my kids have been adept at carrying on conversations with adults, putting people at ease, and charming folks. They're the kids who stand up and introduce themselves when a person joins the group. They're the kids who jump up and offer their seat to an adult.

Last summer my oldest was mowing the lawn when the trash collector pulled up, and my son ran inside to grab water bottles for the men. He chatted with them for a few minutes before they moved on. My neighbor told me the story. That was a proud moment.

I'll beat the snarky comment from the haters by proactively saying that my son will not grow up to be a garbage collector. He's going to college and is on the fence about a career in philanthropy or as a sports agent. He's pushy in a fun way, so he would excel in either arena.

I'm not saying to ignore your child's education. I'm just observing a tremendous amount of angst and pressure that is completely unnecessary and often harmful.

The people who "win" at life typically weren't top of their class...think about that. And think about how you would define "winning at life" for your kids. My definition doesn't contemplate GPA at all.

Does anyone else read her description of her son and think she's raising a real life Eddie Haskil?

Nope. My kids are truly kind. They aren't fake. But you can choose to believe that if it makes you feel better.

My kids are the ones who stand up against bullies and welcome everyone to the group. They go out of their way to include the kids with special needs or kids who are often the targets of bully. They're just really cool people. They haven't been raised in a bubble, and I think their exposure to human suffering and compassion made a tremendous impact on their moral compass.

Sure they are. "YOU" are their mother after all. Frankly, you don't sound anything special PP. Just a mom who thinks her kids are the best and all other parents suck. Take a number.

I think it's interesting how you are internalizing a post and taking it personally. Did I strike a chord?

I'm not criticizing all parents--or any, really. Instead, I'm shining a light on the obvious frenzy in the multiple HGC, magnets, the sky is falling threads that are on the first page of this forum. I realize this most certainly is not representative of most parents. It's merely a small segment of parents. But I think it's helpful for folks to point out that agonizing over HGCs really isn't necessary---and can be harmful. That's all.

And I'll note that I haven't personally attacked anyone or hurled any personal insults. Others have...and perhaps they make up that small segment of parents agonizing over HGCs.

I think you are. At least be honest about it. I really hate people like you - people who criticize other parents and their parenting style - like you are so much better than others. I wish they would (and you too) STFU MYOB.

I don't take offense to PPs post about her kids being kind, because kindness is something that can be taught and that everyone can aspire to (if they so choose). To me, this is different than an HGC brag.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Bright kids don't need a helicopter parent.

But all kids need involved parents.

Involved parents aren't "anxious" about HGC admittance or travel teams...those are competitive helicopter parents who are living vicariously through their children...typically because they weren't as accomplished during their own childhood. Trust me, we can pick you out of the crowd. You aren't doing any favors for your child.

So, if I am anxious about my kid's HGC or magnet acceptance, I am a bad parent? WTF?

Yep. You're likely creating a very stressful environment for your child, and that's not helpful. It can actually be quite harmful.

You need to strike the right balance: be nurturing and supportive, but realize that your child's accomplishments are their own.

I would love to see how your kids turn out.

Thanks for proving my point.

Why are you in competition with a stranger on dcum? How would you measure success between our kids? And why would you want to?

You ladies are truly nutty. I hope your kids don't end up in therapy. You remind me of a girl I went to school with who literally busted out a bottle of Advil every time a new project was assigned. Her mother did a number on her. They were in family therapy and individual therapy starting in middle school. Sure, she graduated from an Ivy...but she's single, childless, and essentially a broken person thanks to her mother's actions. Of course, there are other ways for children of controlling helicopter parents to rebel: eating disorders, drugs, sex, and suicide.

So, do you take total "hands-off" approach? How old is your kid and how is (s)he doing?

My oldest is in high school. Mostly straight As.

Middle schooler is a straight A student.

Elementary student is Ps with 1-2 ES per quarter.

They're fine. Bright, happy, athletic and well-rounded.

I'm a lawyer and was an excellent student who tested well. DH didn't test well and was a solid B (sometimes C) student. (By the way, DH out earns me...which should be a lesson to some of you who erroneously believe that grades and fancy schools are a golden ticket). Education matters to us, but we aren't creating a pressure cooker for our kids. We aren't pushing. We aren't demanding. We aren't setting unrealistic expectations. We don't feel anxious about anything. We realize that we had our own childhood, and that this is their childhood. Their accomplishments are their own---not mine.

And I'm sure many of you will say that you aren't pressuring your kids. But I've heard you before. I've heard you chastise your kid after a soccer game. I've heard you compare your kid's project to a classmate's project. I've heard you say, "a moment on the lips, a lifetime on the hips."

My kids are being raised in an environment where they realize that kids who do a semester or two at MC before graduating from UMCP are on equal footing with the Blair kids who got free rides. That takes the pressure off. They know that DH and I aren't living vicariously through them and that we are always proud of them regardless of their grades and academic accomplishments. Ymmv (heck, I know it does after reading these threads).

Candidly, I derive the most pleasure from hearing compliments on how kind my kids are. From a very early age, my kids have been adept at carrying on conversations with adults, putting people at ease, and charming folks. They're the kids who stand up and introduce themselves when a person joins the group. They're the kids who jump up and offer their seat to an adult.

Last summer my oldest was mowing the lawn when the trash collector pulled up, and my son ran inside to grab water bottles for the men. He chatted with them for a few minutes before they moved on. My neighbor told me the story. That was a proud moment.

I'll beat the snarky comment from the haters by proactively saying that my son will not grow up to be a garbage collector. He's going to college and is on the fence about a career in philanthropy or as a sports agent. He's pushy in a fun way, so he would excel in either arena.

I'm not saying to ignore your child's education. I'm just observing a tremendous amount of angst and pressure that is completely unnecessary and often harmful.

The people who "win" at life typically weren't top of their class...think about that. And think about how you would define "winning at life" for your kids. My definition doesn't contemplate GPA at all.

You're just as obnoxious as the HGC parents. Fine you want to give advice that parents need to relax, but going on and on about how great your parenting is and how great your kids are kind of ruins the message.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Bright kids don't need a helicopter parent.

But all kids need involved parents.

Involved parents aren't "anxious" about HGC admittance or travel teams...those are competitive helicopter parents who are living vicariously through their children...typically because they weren't as accomplished during their own childhood. Trust me, we can pick you out of the crowd. You aren't doing any favors for your child.

So, if I am anxious about my kid's HGC or magnet acceptance, I am a bad parent? WTF?

Yep. You're likely creating a very stressful environment for your child, and that's not helpful. It can actually be quite harmful.

You need to strike the right balance: be nurturing and supportive, but realize that your child's accomplishments are their own.

I would love to see how your kids turn out.

Thanks for proving my point.

Why are you in competition with a stranger on dcum? How would you measure success between our kids? And why would you want to?

You ladies are truly nutty. I hope your kids don't end up in therapy. You remind me of a girl I went to school with who literally busted out a bottle of Advil every time a new project was assigned. Her mother did a number on her. They were in family therapy and individual therapy starting in middle school. Sure, she graduated from an Ivy...but she's single, childless, and essentially a broken person thanks to her mother's actions. Of course, there are other ways for children of controlling helicopter parents to rebel: eating disorders, drugs, sex, and suicide.

So, do you take total "hands-off" approach? How old is your kid and how is (s)he doing?

My oldest is in high school. Mostly straight As.

Middle schooler is a straight A student.

Elementary student is Ps with 1-2 ES per quarter.

They're fine. Bright, happy, athletic and well-rounded.

I'm a lawyer and was an excellent student who tested well. DH didn't test well and was a solid B (sometimes C) student. (By the way, DH out earns me...which should be a lesson to some of you who erroneously believe that grades and fancy schools are a golden ticket). Education matters to us, but we aren't creating a pressure cooker for our kids. We aren't pushing. We aren't demanding. We aren't setting unrealistic expectations. We don't feel anxious about anything. We realize that we had our own childhood, and that this is their childhood. Their accomplishments are their own---not mine.

And I'm sure many of you will say that you aren't pressuring your kids. But I've heard you before. I've heard you chastise your kid after a soccer game. I've heard you compare your kid's project to a classmate's project. I've heard you say, "a moment on the lips, a lifetime on the hips."

My kids are being raised in an environment where they realize that kids who do a semester or two at MC before graduating from UMCP are on equal footing with the Blair kids who got free rides. That takes the pressure off. They know that DH and I aren't living vicariously through them and that we are always proud of them regardless of their grades and academic accomplishments. Ymmv (heck, I know it does after reading these threads).

Candidly, I derive the most pleasure from hearing compliments on how kind my kids are. From a very early age, my kids have been adept at carrying on conversations with adults, putting people at ease, and charming folks. They're the kids who stand up and introduce themselves when a person joins the group. They're the kids who jump up and offer their seat to an adult.

Last summer my oldest was mowing the lawn when the trash collector pulled up, and my son ran inside to grab water bottles for the men. He chatted with them for a few minutes before they moved on. My neighbor told me the story. That was a proud moment.

I'll beat the snarky comment from the haters by proactively saying that my son will not grow up to be a garbage collector. He's going to college and is on the fence about a career in philanthropy or as a sports agent. He's pushy in a fun way, so he would excel in either arena.

I'm not saying to ignore your child's education. I'm just observing a tremendous amount of angst and pressure that is completely unnecessary and often harmful.

The people who "win" at life typically weren't top of their class...think about that. And think about how you would define "winning at life" for your kids. My definition doesn't contemplate GPA at all.

You're just as obnoxious as the HGC parents. Fine you want to give advice that parents need to relax, but going on and on about how great your parenting is and how great your kids are kind of ruins the message.

Who's bragging?

Merely highlighting what I would assume is normal behavior of good kids and underscoring that we value happiness over academic measures. The majority of kids I know behave just like my kids.

But I wonder if I might have unintentionally struck a chord here. There have been a number of posts from some of the more anxious parents claiming their kids are wired differently and act out at school because they are bored/not challenged. There were comments from a parent whose kid was kicked out of a private school for rude behavior, etc. Again, my comments weren't aimed at the behavior of other kids (or HGC kids) at all, but given the backlash I'm wondering if some parents are interpreting it differently because they do in fact struggle with their child's behavior? The gifted kids I know are kind and well behaved, so I sincerely wasn't offering my comments as some sort of veiled attack on the behavior of HGC kids. In hindsight--after reflecting on the multiple comments about HGC applicants/students with behavior issues--I can understand why a parent struggling with a kid with behavior issues or social issues might internalize my comments about my own kids and lash out. I apologize if that's the case. I can imagine how difficult it must be to deal with such issues.

[Anonymous]

Your point is that parents need to relax. But you keep talking about your children's behavior. I don't get the connection frankly. Are you saying kids with stressed parents aren't kind of good kids? I get the point of your message until you go into how kind your children are. I don't correlate helicopter parenting with unkind children.

[Anonymous]

Who's bragging?

Merely highlighting what I would assume is normal behavior of good kids and underscoring that we value happiness over academic measures. The majority of kids I know behave just like my kids.

But I wonder if I might have unintentionally struck a chord here. There have been a number of posts from some of the more anxious parents claiming their kids are wired differently and act out at school because they are bored/not challenged. There were comments from a parent whose kid was kicked out of a private school for rude behavior, etc. Again, my comments weren't aimed at the behavior of other kids (or HGC kids) at all, but given the backlash I'm wondering if some parents are interpreting it differently because they do in fact struggle with their child's behavior? The gifted kids I know are kind and well behaved, so I sincerely wasn't offering my comments as some sort of veiled attack on the behavior of HGC kids. In hindsight--after reflecting on the multiple comments about HGC applicants/students with behavior issues--I can understand why a parent struggling with a kid with behavior issues or social issues might internalize my comments about my own kids and lash out. I apologize if that's the case. I can imagine how difficult it must be to deal with such issues.

OMG, are you serious? You are!!! Are you really so blind you don't see it?

[Anonymous]

Sometimes insecure people or defensive people assign a malicious intent (like bragging) when none actually exists. That has everything to do with the reader (not the writer).

It's the same thing that happens on FB when someone posts an innocuous vacation picture and some people interpret it as bragging.

[Anonymous]

@21:46 - Supermom, can you please go away?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sometimes insecure people or defensive people assign a malicious intent (like bragging) when none actually exists. That has everything to do with the reader (not the writer).

It's the same thing that happens on FB when someone posts an innocuous vacation picture and some people interpret it as bragging.

I think most people recognize bragging when they see one.

[Anonymous]

Poster with the "kind" children,

You do realize that you being on this board (and clearly being familiar with a lot of the posts) pretty much disproves most of the points that you are trying to make about yourself, right?

[Anonymous]

I'm rea!ly unclear why PP even brought up her children's behavior. I thought she was trying to give "advice" to parents who are concerned about HGC. What does her kids behavior have to do with that. Definitely PP is patting herself on the back for being the "superior" parent. Comes across as bragging to me because there really was no need for PP to bring her children into it.

[Anonymous]

I think PP just wanted to brag. As shallow as any post I've ever seen on DCUM.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sometimes insecure people or defensive people assign a malicious intent (like bragging) when none actually exists. That has everything to do with the reader (not the writer).

It's the same thing that happens on FB when someone posts an innocuous vacation picture and some people interpret it as bragging.

It IS bragging. Why else share it. Really...no one but your mom actually cares about your vacay.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sometimes insecure people or defensive people assign a malicious intent (like bragging) when none actually exists. That has everything to do with the reader (not the writer).

It's the same thing that happens on FB when someone posts an innocuous vacation picture and some people interpret it as bragging.

And sometimes it really is bragging. And I don't really feel that bragging in general has a malicious intent - its just about making the messenger feel good about themselves somehow.

[Anonymous]

I think the point - don't worry about getting into hgc's -- would be better served written by parents whose kids didn't get in and are fine. I'm sure there are tons. This is - I didn't worry about getting into an hgc bit my kids did anyway and they are kind, therefore you shouldn't worry either. I'm missing the logic. However, I do love kind kids, so thanks for that, I guess.