Bday parties where no "food" is served

[Anonymous]

OP, I totally agree with you. We moved here from the UK a year ago and have been to many birthday parties for our 3 and 5 yo DCs. Most overlap with mealtimes and at only 1 or 2 has there been food (in both cases it was pizza, which is fine) other than cake and a couple of snacks. I have found it really strange! I don't care at all about food for the parents (though it is appreciated and nice) but I think it's bizarre to invite kids to a party around a meal time and not provide them with a meal. Would you do the same for adults? Invite them over at lunch time and just offer a piece of cake?

[Anonymous]

I'm not sure of the age group, but 10:30-12:30 usually spans lunch for a lot of kids in elementary school. Our K students have lunch at 11:10, and then first and second grade go next. Second grade is having lunch by 11:40. So if you don't serve food except cake, you have really really hungry kids by the time they get home at 1:00. It is really impolite to do that.

[Anonymous]

Is this a new thing where it's expected to provide a meal for the guests, the siblings, and the parents? I recall most parties I attended as a kid having cake and snacks. Now if I were to do that is have to specify in the invitation?! Do I need to list what ingredients will be in what I'm serving as well do to allergy concerns?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is this a new thing where it's expected to provide a meal for the guests, the siblings, and the parents? I recall most parties I attended as a kid having cake and snacks. Now if I were to do that is have to specify in the invitation?! Do I need to list what ingredients will be in what I'm serving as well do to allergy concerns?

I guess it depends...I am 37 and do not recall attending a party or having a party where there was just cake and punch. Yes, they were all home parties - but guests were always served food. Granted it was hotdogs, burgers and chips, but you provided a meal.

You wouldn't have any other party anywhere for any other age group and not serve food at a meal time (I personally think food includes snacks, heavy apps, etc) - why do this at a kid's party?

And yes, if you had a party from 11-1 or 4-6 and had no intent of serving anything other than cake and juice/water, you should specify that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is this a new thing where it's expected to provide a meal for the guests, the siblings, and the parents? I recall most parties I attended as a kid having cake and snacks. Now if I were to do that is have to specify in the invitation?! Do I need to list what ingredients will be in what I'm serving as well do to allergy concerns?

When I was little parents always provided food at birthday parties that fell around mealtimes. I think it is common decency. What is the problem? To expensive? Little sandwiches will do! Too much effort? Then don't have a party. Small kids get sooo grouchy and hungry if they aren't fed lunch or dinner at a regular time.:.:why would you even want to go there? If you just want to serve cake then have a party from 2-4.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is this a new thing where it's expected to provide a meal for the guests, the siblings, and the parents? I recall most parties I attended as a kid having cake and snacks. Now if I were to do that is have to specify in the invitation?! Do I need to list what ingredients will be in what I'm serving as well do to allergy concerns?

Bear in mind, when we were kids (I'm not PP, but I'm 37, too), all parties were drop-off. This deal with parents staying for the duration of the party (mostly for the younger crowd, I realize) is a relatively new phenomenon. So, when we were kids, cake and drinks were pretty standard. But now so many parties are these adults-inclusive affairs at mealtimes, so yes, the birthday party landscape has changed. As for allergies, no, I wouldn't worry about that. That's a bridge too far, IMO.

[Anonymous]

I don't care if the host doesn't provide food for adults, and it is fine not to provide food for kids if the party is at a home or nearby venue. I do find it stressful to drive out to a bounce house in Fairfax (which I am unfamiliar with) and then have to search for a place to feed my kid when the party ends at 6pm.

[Anonymous]

Ha. First of all, I would not consider OPs windows to be meal times. Or they just run up to the beginning of a meal time window.

My mother used to schedule our birthday parties for 2-4 p.m. specifically to avoid being responsible for feeding a full meal to a gazillion kids and parents. Not to say there was no food, but usually it was more like heavy appetizers along with the cake and ice cream. Oh, and always beer for parents.

[Anonymous]

The best way of dealing with it that I've seen is the mom sending an email to guests a few days before the party saying that a light lunch of pizza, salad etc will be served. There will be no nuts, but please let her know if there are any other allergy concerns.

Maybe she got inundated with annoying responses but I thought her message was polite and thoughtful and I was happy to know in advance that my kid would be getting fed (since, like OP, my experience has been that most parties over meal times don't include food other than cake, which I think is strange and rude).

[Anonymous]

I have noticed this trend as well. The worst is when they only provide sickeningly sweet punch for the kids and no cold water for grown ups. One party I was at for my toddler the parents filled a pitcher with warm tap water. It was hot in the venue.

Also, I have been to a neighbor's party and they told people lunch would be served yet didn't get enough pizza. I had one slice and dh didn't even get a slice. And these are not drop off parties and rsvps were provided. It is particularly annoying because this family has been to several of our birthday parties and stay behind to eat all the leftover food. We have even sent them home with doggie bags.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My ethnic group goes growing and serves several meals for every event. When I attended my first kid birthday party around here, I was so confused and embarrassed for the hosts.

+1. Different cultures have different expectations. It would be a major etiquette breach in my culture to not serve copious amounts of food.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:While I agree a polite host should provide something for all guests, anyone other than the most special of snowflakes can certainly go 2 hours without food.

This is especially true, as even per OP, snacks and cake are being servedat the party.

It's sad that we have created a society that must be constantly shoving things into their mouths, and that even simple birthday parties, which used to just be cake and chips at home, are now expected to be 4 course meals at "an establishment".

At lunchtime, I most certainly like to be shoveling things into my mouth.

Would you invite friends to your home at 7:00 pm on a Friday, and not serve any food? I would find that weird.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is this a new thing where it's expected to provide a meal for the guests, the siblings, and the parents? I recall most parties I attended as a kid having cake and snacks. Now if I were to do that is have to specify in the invitation?! Do I need to list what ingredients will be in what I'm serving as well do to allergy concerns?

Bear in mind, when we were kids (I'm not PP, but I'm 37, too), all parties were drop-off. This deal with parents staying for the duration of the party (mostly for the younger crowd, I realize) is a relatively new phenomenon. So, when we were kids, cake and drinks were pretty standard. But now so many parties are these adults-inclusive affairs at mealtimes, so yes, the birthday party landscape has changed. As for allergies, no, I wouldn't worry about that. That's a bridge too far, IMO.

I have always asked people to let us know about allergies or dietary restrictions. I would hate for someone to not have anything to eat. It's not that hard to accommodate (i.e., dairy allergy, no cheese on the salad or whatever). I would be embarrassed if I ordered only pepperoni pizzas and jewish/muslim families had nothing to eat, for example.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:While I agree a polite host should provide something for all guests, anyone other than the most special of snowflakes can certainly go 2 hours without food.

This is especially true, as even per OP, snacks and cake are being servedat the party.

It's sad that we have created a society that must be constantly shoving things into their mouths, and that even simple birthday parties, which used to just be cake and chips at home, are now expected to be 4 course meals at "an establishment".

At lunchtime, I most certainly like to be shoveling things into my mouth.

Would you invite friends to your home at 7:00 pm on a Friday, and not serve any food? I would find that weird.

I agree!
I do think birthday parties have gotten somewhat over the top with high expectations (creative goody bags, crafty decorations, etc), but FOOD is not one of them! Food is what you serve when you have a party for god sakes! god people have gotten lazy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am amazed how many times my child gets invited to a bday party at a mealtime (10:30 to 12:30) or (4:30 to 6:30) but no real food is served. Only cake, fruit and in one particularly egregious case, candy. At one birthday party, there was just one cheese pizza for about 10 kids who has been in a bounce house for about an hour. Nothing for the parents (it was not a drop off party).

I don't live around people who can't afford to do more, they choose not to, or maybe food is just not their priority. But to me having guests leave a party hungry is just odd.

I think your reaction is odd.

Feed your kid before the party, or wait until afterwards.

Our family's dinner time is around 7:00 most days so I would consider that time frame perfect for a light snack or cake and ice cream.