Bday parties where no "food" is served

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
1. Etiquette says you should not expect free food, except the tradition of cake (and candles and Happy Birthday song) at birthday parties.

2. At children's parties, parents should not expect food for themselves.

3. If the birthday party spans lunch or dinner, the host or hostess should provide something more substantial than cake, but again, you cannot expect it.

4. Be aware that some cultures have meals at completely different times. For example, in our country, lunch starts at 1pm and dinner at 7 or 8 pm. In Spain, it's even later. Since I've been here awhile, I know American children have lunch around noon and dinner perhaps around 6. But others may not know this.

I fully agree with this!

So let me get this straight op... I am inviting Larlo to a party and j am expected to provide a full meal for Larlo, Larla, Larlo #2, you and your husband plus goody bags for all three? I can not afford to host my sons entire preschool class plus all the siblings plus meals for all and all of the parents. I want to have a simple party with cake and maybe a pizza for the kids celebrating the birthday. What is wrong with this or what do you suggest I do?

There are several things you can do. Don't have the party at mealtime and state clearly that cake and punch will be served. Simple.

I still think if you are hosting a non-drop off party you can provide SOMETHING for the parents. A case of water is less than $5. A box of chips is less than $10. A bag of cuties is $5. A large one topping pizza from any large chain is less than $10. Ask them to cut smaller slices.

[Anonymous]

Wow. These responses are hilarious -- The guests are fat anyway! This is how Europeans do it! Bring crackers in your pocket! Cake for dinner is fine!

You are being cheap. Your guests notice. They are annoyed. If you don't care how they feel, they shouldn't be your guests.

[Anonymous]

While I agree a polite host should provide something for all guests, anyone other than the most special of snowflakes can certainly go 2 hours without food.

This is especially true, as even per OP, snacks and cake are being servedat the party.

It's sad that we have created a society that must be constantly shoving things into their mouths, and that even simple birthday parties, which used to just be cake and chips at home, are now expected to be 4 course meals at "an establishment".

[Anonymous]

Have to say, we're probably going to do our next home party NOT at mealtime, i.e. wrap up by 5:30. Just hosted one and yes, we did provide a solid meal for kids and adults in attendance (pizza, sandwich, hot dogs, fruit, snacks, + cake of course) as we expected to wrap up around 6:30. We ended up spending way more money than planned on food - everyone we invited was able to make it, with two parents for each kid plus a sibling or two. Guest list for what we thought would be a small party turned into a big party. So next time, we will cull the invite list considerably and/or not be mealtime.

[Anonymous]

I think the solution for parents who do not want to serve lunch or dinner is to host the birthday party at 3:00. Then it should be pretty clear that only cake, drinks and maybe a few light snacks are served.

I agree with other posters that birthday party's have gotten really out of hand. Party's can easily have 50 people there, if you invite 10-20 kids and everyone shows up with their parents and maybe a sibling. Having to provide a full spread of food and activities for all gets crazy expensive.

Don't even get me started on the pinterest decorations, perfectly coordinated "candy buffets" and the special drinks served in mason jars. Damn you, pinterest!

[Anonymous]

Pizza is really cheap. Just spend $40 and order a few pies!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Have to say, we're probably going to do our next home party NOT at mealtime, i.e. wrap up by 5:30. Just hosted one and yes, we did provide a solid meal for kids and adults in attendance (pizza, sandwich, hot dogs, fruit, snacks, + cake of course) as we expected to wrap up around 6:30. We ended up spending way more money than planned on food - everyone we invited was able to make it, with two parents for each kid plus a sibling or two. Guest list for what we thought would be a small party turned into a big party. So next time, we will cull the invite list considerably and/or not be mealtime.

This is what is happening now for a party we are hosting this weekend. Everyone is coming and bringing siblings. We've had to double the amount of food we planned to serve. I'm hoping it turns out well, but next year will definitely limit our invites to close friends only.

[Anonymous]

DD's party will be from 5-7:30, we will be serving food and cupcakes. If you have a party during a main meal time it will be assumed that food will be served (probably pizza).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Bouncy house + lots of food = ?
Maybe they were looking to do preemptive damage control.

I saw this once - it was like a frat party with 7 year olds (granted, only one kid puked into the trash can, but the others were out of control hyped up on sugar and soda).

[Anonymous]

I like planning my child's birthday parties in time ranges such as 2-4 so it's not a mealtime and we can serve only cake, drinks, etc. Maybe a few snacky things.

[Anonymous]

I think pizza and cake is pretty standard regardless of the time of the party. I think a good host will have enough pizza and cake for the parents too, but not everyone is great at hosting. I personally don't consider 10:30- 12:30 and 4:30-6:30 "meal times". I tend to eat later (1pm for lunch and 7pm for dinner) and would not expect to be "fed" a meal at those parties.

If you've been to a bunch of these parties, and they are all similar in that they don't provide an actual meal, then you should be the one to adjust your expectations rather than judging/shaming them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wow. These responses are hilarious -- The guests are fat anyway! This is how Europeans do it! Bring crackers in your pocket! Cake for dinner is fine!

You are being cheap. Your guests notice. They are annoyed. If you don't care how they feel, they shouldn't be your guests.

I totally agree. And I will say that there is one family that we know that is so cheap and so inhospitable at occasions like these that it has made us not want to be friends with them at all. They keep asking to hang out and we keep turning them down. Makes me think of those threads here where people wonder why they don't have friends or why people always turn them down. Maybe they are like these "friends" of ours that invite us to birthday parties in their home and serve no food. Or invite us over to dinner but turn it everything into a potluck, assigning us a main dish to bring.

This type of hosting is a real turn-off for me and reveals a lot about these peoples' character. If you do not want to take care of your guests, make them feel comfortable, welcome, well-fed, then I do not want to be your friend.

Also, I am American but have lived in many countries. This is the ONLY place in the world I have seen this sort of behavior.

[Anonymous]

I own one of those kid party venues, the hosts that really surprise me are the ones that won't spend the extra $3-$10 to buy drinks for the adults (drinks for kids are covered).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I like planning my child's birthday parties in time ranges such as 2-4 so it's not a mealtime and we can serve only cake, drinks, etc. Maybe a few snacky things.

+ one

But I make an effort to have good snacks and drinks for the adults as well.

[Anonymous]

Not serving food at any party is very poor host behaviour. I'm not expecting an extravagant catered meal with waiters, but some pizza lying around on tables? Yes.