When you're in a meeting and school calls

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:school is not daycare, unless you make 400k a year and are the primary breadwinner, you can leave your meeting.

Not alway an option or you lose your job. I ended up leaving my last job as I had no flexibility. The boss and other staff took off when every they liked. I had a serious medical issue that I wanted to get checked out. Doctor had a same day appointment and my boss refused (I told her the issue). She was completely unreasonable about it. There was absolutely no reason for me not to leave. I ended up waiting till she left the office (she'd disappear for hours) and told a co-worker what happened and she said to go. I ended up quitting as I couldn't handle the stress and drama with the boss. Sometimes you do not have the option to leave. Fortunately, we could manage without my income temproarily but not everyone has that luxary. I put up with her and her craziness for years because prior to that point I could not afford to quit.

[Anonymous]

Unless your kid has an IEP with a proven emotional need for quiet space, it's not going to be tolerated that he just gets up under tables because adults are "annoying" him.

[Anonymous]

I can understand not being able to talk during this meeting, but why wait to discuss until the end of the day? Can't you call the counselor back after your meeting is over? If my kid wanted to hide under a table at school, I'd have trouble working until I had talked with someone there and helped figure out the problem/got her out from under the table/knew she was feeling better about things. Who expects their kid to white-knuckle their way out of being so stressed out/upset that they hide under a table?

Also, before getting off the phone, I think you should have asked whether there is information about your son that you could give her RIGHT NOW that she thinks would help her deal with the situation, i.e., is he anxious, ADHD, not sleeping well, upset about something going on at home, having trouble with a kid in class, etc. Maybe the counselor called you looking for clues about your son's behavior and you gave her nothing and then hung up.

Or maybe the counselor in a situation where she was not allowed to physically touch your child to get him out from under the table, but needed to get him out of there because it was disrupting the whole class? Maybe she wanted a tip from you like, he'll do anything for a peanut butter and jelly sandwitch! Or, he hides under stuff at home when it's too loud, if everyone is quieter I bet he'll come out. Again, if that's what she really wanted and you basically hung up on her, things would have gone easier on your kid if you had actually given info that could have helped.

I also don't get the anger here at getting calls from the school. If my kid is going through something I WANT THE SCHOOL TO CALL ME. I want to know way more info than they give me already. I can see how I would feel differently if (1) my kid was a troublemaker and I was always getting bad news; (2) my kid was special needs and I was always getting difficult news (ps my kid IS special needs, but she doesn't act out at school); or (3) I had a workplace that was sort of a punchclock situation that counted my minutes and gave me no flexibility. I could understand if THOSE people wouldn't want too many calls from the school. But to get mad at the school counselor because she wants to talk to you for too long about your child and, it's like the only time she has ever called you before? You and I may as well be living on different parenting planets, OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Justice Ginsburg said that if you tell the school to call the kid's father at work, they will suddenly call less often and only for true emergencies. She swore it worked like a charm! Give it a try!

This sounds great!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
There we go again, blaming the parent for everything!
What nasty pieces of work you two are!

1. A parent might need a paying job to care for her child.

2. We all wish you a behaviorally, emotionally or otherwise special needs child that you can cry about, agonize over, lose your sleep over, break your marriage over, while spending your retirement in therapies and treatments, while everyone else looks at you nastily and says it's all YOUR fault.

Another thank you to PP. There really are some mean and judgmental people on this thread.

Or maybe parents that put their kids above work. If the OP had time to post and reply on DCUM during the work day, she had enough time to call the counselor back and get some answers. Just asking your K child isn't good enough. Takes some responsibility.

[Anonymous]

I honestly don't get what the counselor was trying to accomplish with this call if it wasn't to come and pick up the child. Does she want to hand the child a phone so you talk to them? No? then what possible good would this accomplish?

I would tell her to leave him/her alone, she or he won't stay under the table for a whole day, they'll come out eventually. When I come home, I'll talk to the child, and revert to her. This is all very silly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I honestly don't get what the counselor was trying to accomplish with this call if it wasn't to come and pick up the child. Does she want to hand the child a phone so you talk to them? No? then what possible good would this accomplish?

I would tell her to leave him/her alone, she or he won't stay under the table for a whole day, they'll come out eventually. When I come home, I'll talk to the child, and revert to her. This is all very silly.

What's silly is that you think it's okay for your child to be so disruptive.

[Anonymous]

The OP offered to come and get the kid and the counselor declined the offer. It could not have been that disruptive if the counselor declined the offer.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I honestly don't get what the counselor was trying to accomplish with this call if it wasn't to come and pick up the child. Does she want to hand the child a phone so you talk to them? No? then what possible good would this accomplish?

I would tell her to leave him/her alone, she or he won't stay under the table for a whole day, they'll come out eventually. When I come home, I'll talk to the child, and revert to her. This is all very silly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I always take the call when I see the school number. Could be any number of reasons why they are calling. But today, I was in an multi hour meeting this morning and the guidance counselor called. My son was having a rough day and she wanted to discuss it. I told her I was in a meeting and I could not discuss this with her now. I told her if he was being disruptive I would leave work and come get him or I would call her back at the end of the day. She was put off by my unwillingness to discuss his behavior at the moment.

I cut her off after 10 min of listening to her. It took her that long to tell me that he was hiding under a table and wouldn't come out and that it started when he didn't want to participate in a drawing activity. What should I have said to her?

I would tell her to do her job as the guidance counselor and figure out what he is upset with and get him out from under the table. You dealt with it. If it is an emergency you will leave now and get him or call her back after your meeting is over. That sounds reasonable. What does her going on for 10 minutes think she is helping? Get under the table with him and talk to him. Or, ask him if he'd like to leave with her for a few minutes to talk about what is going on. Its drawing, really...

Wow. I think the parent needs to do THEIR job as a parent. Child comes first. Work comes second. If you can't handle both, don't take on a job.

+1,000,000

Do you think they just call every time someone is under the table? He was having issues. He was disruptive. This is school. Not childcare. Maybe if you spent less time worrying about meetings and help your child, he wouldn't be the one with the issues.

OMG

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The OP offered to come and get the kid and the counselor declined the offer. It could not have been that disruptive if the counselor declined the offer.

HA HA HA HA. There is boy in my kid's class who is disruptive all day long: acting out, making noise, sidling up to kids and starting conversations during class, etc. If that kid's mom offered to take him home, the school would also refuse, because that's not a problem you solve by taking the kid home. It's behavioral and emotional. Similarly, if OP's child crawled under the table today but in general can't deal with the overstimulation he is getting from the other kids and the classroom and is causing disruptions because of his inability to deal with his feeling of anxiousness or overstimulation, that's the sort of low-level-but-almost-constant-disruption that doesn't get solved by sending the kid home today. You need to figure that shit out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I honestly don't get what the counselor was trying to accomplish with this call if it wasn't to come and pick up the child. Does she want to hand the child a phone so you talk to them? No? then what possible good would this accomplish?

I would tell her to leave him/her alone, she or he won't stay under the table for a whole day, they'll come out eventually. When I come home, I'll talk to the child, and revert to her. This is all very silly.

What's silly is that you think it's okay for your child to be so disruptive.

This is why I moved to private. It is amazing how many parents believe their kids aren't an issue and no one should bother them. I am teaching a class. Not babysitting your child.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I always take the call when I see the school number. Could be any number of reasons why they are calling. But today, I was in an multi hour meeting this morning and the guidance counselor called. My son was having a rough day and she wanted to discuss it. I told her I was in a meeting and I could not discuss this with her now. I told her if he was being disruptive I would leave work and come get him or I would call her back at the end of the day. She was put off by my unwillingness to discuss his behavior at the moment.

I cut her off after 10 min of listening to her. It took her that long to tell me that he was hiding under a table and wouldn't come out and that it started when he didn't want to participate in a drawing activity. What should I have said to her?

I would tell her to do her job as the guidance counselor and figure out what he is upset with and get him out from under the table. You dealt with it. If it is an emergency you will leave now and get him or call her back after your meeting is over. That sounds reasonable. What does her going on for 10 minutes think she is helping? Get under the table with him and talk to him. Or, ask him if he'd like to leave with her for a few minutes to talk about what is going on. Its drawing, really...

Wow. I think the parent needs to do THEIR job as a parent. Child comes first. Work comes second. If you can't handle both, don't take on a job.

+1,000,000

Do you think they just call every time someone is under the table? He was having issues. He was disruptive. This is school. Not childcare. Maybe if you spent less time worrying about meetings and help your child, he wouldn't be the one with the issues.

OMG

The truth tends to be what people don't want to hear.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I honestly don't get what the counselor was trying to accomplish with this call if it wasn't to come and pick up the child. Does she want to hand the child a phone so you talk to them? No? then what possible good would this accomplish?

I would tell her to leave him/her alone, she or he won't stay under the table for a whole day, they'll come out eventually. When I come home, I'll talk to the child, and revert to her. This is all very silly.

Agree. I was going to bold the "this is all very silly" and post an eyeroll. If anyone thinks a child this disruptive to involve a teacher, GC, and a parent is just clueless.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Unless your kid has an IEP with a proven emotional need for quiet space, it's not going to be tolerated that he just gets up under tables because adults are "annoying" him.

A lot of kids who are 6 need quiet space and it's not just the ones with IEPs. In our classroom's quiet corner a lot of kids who do not have IEPs use it.
Refusing to do an activity is not the same as disrupting the class unless he's doing something else like screaming. If he's quietly under a table the children should be able to ignore and go about their own work. The only time it becomes a classroom disruption is when an inexperienced teacher panics and calls in the guidance counselor.
This happened once in my child's class one year while I was volunteering. Teacher let the kid go under the table. Teacher ignored her, told kids who were giggling to ignore her. The child was there for 5 minutes and came right back out. I couldn't tell if she was doing it for attention or because she was upset or being silly. I know the parents and am pretty sure the child does not have an IEP.