When you're in a meeting and school calls

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Am I having major déjà vu? I swear I remember a post from a couple of years ago about a guidance counselor that insisted on discussing a situation with a mom who was in the middle of a meeting and a kid under the table.

TROLL is back stirring the pot

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I always take the call when I see the school number. Could be any number of reasons why they are calling. But today, I was in an multi hour meeting this morning and the guidance counselor called. My son was having a rough day and she wanted to discuss it. I told her I was in a meeting and I could not discuss this with her now. I told her if he was being disruptive I would leave work and come get him or I would call her back at the end of the day. She was put off by my unwillingness to discuss his behavior at the moment.

I cut her off after 10 min of listening to her. It took her that long to tell me that he was hiding under a table and wouldn't come out and that it started when he didn't want to participate in a drawing activity. What should I have said to her?

I would tell her to do her job as the guidance counselor and figure out what he is upset with and get him out from under the table. You dealt with it. If it is an emergency you will leave now and get him or call her back after your meeting is over. That sounds reasonable. What does her going on for 10 minutes think she is helping? Get under the table with him and talk to him. Or, ask him if he'd like to leave with her for a few minutes to talk about what is going on. Its drawing, really...

Wow. I think the parent needs to do THEIR job as a parent. Child comes first. Work comes second. If you can't handle both, don't take on a job.

+1,000,000

Do you think they just call every time someone is under the table? He was having issues. He was disruptive. This is school. Not childcare. Maybe if you spent less time worrying about meetings and help your child, he wouldn't be the one with the issues.

THIS! How old is your child that he is under tables and not coming out in elementary school? You do realize they can't lay a hand on them. I would have gone and got him. Teach him some better behaviors.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Justice Ginsburg said that if you tell the school to call the kid's father at work, they will suddenly call less often and only for true emergencies. She swore it worked like a charm! Give it a try!

Your response was good; hers was not.

LOL, mom my always had the school call dad and if there was an issue he'd get us usually as he had more flexibility. My husband cannot have his cell phone at work so good luck getting him.

Does he work in a SCIF? I am sure he has a landline phone. Don't let him off the hook so easily. What would he do if he were a single dad?

Love RBG!!!

OP, here is what I don't get. What was the guidance counselor hoping to accomplish in this call that (1) could be accomplished in a phone call and (2) somehow could not be accomplished in 10 minutes? If she was not asking you to pick up your kid, what exactly was she asking you to do?

OP here. My son is in K. The bolded was my problem. What exactly did she want me to do? I called her back this afternoon and left am mail and then followed up again with an email. I told her that I would be happy to discuss the issue further and gave her my availability for the rest of this week.

When my son got home from school, I asked him why he was under the table. He said people were annoying him and he wanted some quiet time. He said it was bad because adults kept trying to talk to him and wouldn't leave him alone. We discussed how in the future if he wanted some quiet time, he needed to tell the teacher first and she would help him find an appropriate space as well as keep other adults away way from him (since an adult would know why he was having quiet time).

[Anonymous]

You handled it appropriately. I only expect the school to call me if there is an emergency where I need to pick them up immediately, like they are throwing up or hurt. Certainly if they got into serious trouble and need to be removed from school. I am also a teacher and I can't take calls when I'm teaching so I have to see the missed call on my cell, tell my own class to hold on for a minute and listen to the voicemail. If I need to speak to a parent of my students I email and set up a time.

[Anonymous]

NP. I hadn't appreciated until now that our kids school only seems to calls when it's a 'pick your child up' situation. Basically I've only gotten calls from the nurse about illness or injury, so I will always answer school calls and would be annoyed if it weren't a situation that needed my immediate attention.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Justice Ginsburg said that if you tell the school to call the kid's father at work, they will suddenly call less often and only for true emergencies. She swore it worked like a charm! Give it a try!

Your response was good; hers was not.

LOL, mom my always had the school call dad and if there was an issue he'd get us usually as he had more flexibility. My husband cannot have his cell phone at work so good luck getting him.

Does he work in a SCIF? I am sure he has a landline phone. Don't let him off the hook so easily. What would he do if he were a single dad?

Love RBG!!!

OP, here is what I don't get. What was the guidance counselor hoping to accomplish in this call that (1) could be accomplished in a phone call and (2) somehow could not be accomplished in 10 minutes? If she was not asking you to pick up your kid, what exactly was she asking you to do?

OP here. My son is in K. The bolded was my problem. What exactly did she want me to do? I called her back this afternoon and left am mail and then followed up again with an email. I told her that I would be happy to discuss the issue further and gave her my availability for the rest of this week.

When my son got home from school, I asked him why he was under the table. He said people were annoying him and he wanted some quiet time. He said it was bad because adults kept trying to talk to him and wouldn't leave him alone. We discussed how in the future if he wanted some quiet time, he needed to tell the teacher first and she would help him find an appropriate space as well as keep other adults away way from him (since an adult would know why he was having quiet time).

You just got played Mom!

He was the one being annoying and disruptive and obviously does not listen to authority. Your little angel disrupted the entire class and the teacher needed to get the guidance counselor (probably after repeated requests) and you got a phone call (probably after more attempts.) And when he got home and told you this, you believed him?? And you are thinking the guidance counselor was in the wrong here? Parents like you are the ones who make the jobs of teachers so hard. How about you go back into school with him the following morning to make sure he apologizes to both the teacher, the counselor and the class. Then sit down with the guidance counselor and figure out what has been going on and put a plan in place. My guess is since you got a phone call, this was not the first or last time he just won't listen to authority. This has to be nipped in the bud. If you give him any reason or empathy to forgo listening to teachers, counselors, or principals, you will have many more calls in the next 12 years.

And just to let you know, my daughter was in K last year and there were 2 kids that were always disruptive and took away class time. I knew both parents and they were both of the attitude that kids are just kids sometimes. The one mom laughs that the principal and guidance counselor both told her, her daughter does not listen to authority or backs down. Her response to me after telling me this? She is a leader, she will be a great CEO one day. Don't be like these parents. Your kid will sadly get labeled by teachers, staff, other students, and parents.

[Anonymous]

If my son was hiding under a table and refusing to participate, even in K, I would want to know about it ASAP, because it would be totally out of character and indicate that something was amiss. Once the information is conveyed, though, there's not much more I could do at that second, but I'd address it with DS as soon as I got home and try to arrange a meeting with his teacher to figure out how to fix whatever the problem was.

[Anonymous]

When my son got home from school, I asked him why he was under the table. He said people were annoying him and he wanted some quiet time. He said it was bad because adults kept trying to talk to him and wouldn't leave him alone. We discussed how in the future if he wanted some quiet time, he needed to tell the teacher first and she would help him find an appropriate space as well as keep other adults away way from him (since an adult would know why he was having quiet time).

Why on earth would you tell him this without speaking to the teacher first? You don't know what her policy is on quiet time, or kids have time where no adults can speak to them or have to stay away from them. I cannot imagine my son's K teacher would have agreed to this.

[Anonymous]

Is your child special needs? I'm surprised that OP does not think this is a big deal.

If this happened to my child, I would want him evaluated.

[Anonymous]

Agree with 10:16.

Your 6yr old just manipulated you and probably does the same in school.

[Anonymous]

This is not totally out of the norm for K students who are not accustomed to large classes and the noise. A group of adults coming to talk to you and making demands can be very scary at that age. It sounds to me like the school mishandled the incident. There should not be "adults" coming to talk to him. They should have had one person like the guidance counselor get down on the floor and watch him for safety reasons but give him the space to calm down.

Many K classrooms have a "safe space" that's a little set off from the rest of room where kids who are upset or whatever can go to have quiet time. I know our classroom had one and there were maybe half a dozen kids who used it occasionally and it was no big deal. This is pretty standard among teachers who recently got their degrees or certificates. I was told they are taught to create this kind of space when learning how to set up their classrooms.

OP is your teacher kind of old or old-fashioned?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is not totally out of the norm for K students who are not accustomed to large classes and the noise. A group of adults coming to talk to you and making demands can be very scary at that age. It sounds to me like the school mishandled the incident. There should not be "adults" coming to talk to him. They should have had one person like the guidance counselor get down on the floor and watch him for safety reasons but give him the space to calm down.

Many K classrooms have a "safe space" that's a little set off from the rest of room where kids who are upset or whatever can go to have quiet time. I know our classroom had one and there were maybe half a dozen kids who used it occasionally and it was no big deal. This is pretty standard among teachers who recently got their degrees or certificates. I was told they are taught to create this kind of space when learning how to set up their classrooms.

OP is your teacher kind of old or old-fashioned?

This Mom excuse might have worked in Sept/Oct. It is now mid March. All the K kids are completely accustomed to their classes and expectations.

[Anonymous]

I have tons of sympathy for your DC, but I do have to agree with the PPs that there are two issues here. One is that maybe the guidance counselor shoud have known better and should have been able to handle this kind of issue. This is why you are annoyed and IMO rightfully so. The other, which I would try not to lose sight of here, is that your child may need some extra support at school and you should try to figure out what's bothering him and how you can help.

Has this happened before? Is it defiant behavior or is it because he's upset about something in the environment or with the interactions with the school? This is important as this will determine how you should react. If the former, I would evaluate my own discipline methods at home and try to think about how they might impact his ability to follow directions at school. If the latter have you considered getting him evaluated or in having a specialist do an observation to see what might be bothering him? Does he need a school with smaller classes? Is he being bullied? There are so many possibilities.

[Anonymous]

school is not daycare, unless you make 400k a year and are the primary breadwinner, you can leave your meeting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
There we go again, blaming the parent for everything!
What nasty pieces of work you two are!

1. A parent might need a paying job to care for her child.

2. We all wish you a behaviorally, emotionally or otherwise special needs child that you can cry about, agonize over, lose your sleep over, break your marriage over, while spending your retirement in therapies and treatments, while everyone else looks at you nastily and says it's all YOUR fault.

Another thank you to PP. There really are some mean and judgmental people on this thread.