Second Wedding Etiquette

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Have you been to a bride's elaborate second wedding? I have. The second time bride's parents looked like they were incredibly uncomfortable and the toasts from the bride's side were awkward. I also heard a lot of weird comments like comparing the bride's two weddings, etc. So it might be uncomfortable for the bride and I don't think she should be forced into it. Like it or not everyone will assume she wanted the big wedding because most grooms don't care.

OP here, I have! One of my couisns had an elaborate second wedding and there were awkward stares and whispers and half of our family didn't show up because it was deemed tacky. I don't want this to be me.

Your family is very judgemental. They can go pound sand. And probably half of their husbands are schtupping the secretary anyway that's why they have such a bitter outlook.

[Anonymous]

I know all the rules of what to do or not to do.

Sure, not wear white after Labor Day, do not give a baby shower for a second baby, etc.

But times are randomly evolving and so is traditional etiquette.
Men are now attending their wives baby showers and women who have been married before are wearing white wedding gowns, etc.

I say do what you want in life as long as it doesn't negativity impact others!

[Anonymous]

I remarried and had a wedding both times. I was very young the first time (early 20s) and still young (early 30s) the second time. No children were involved. My husband has never been married and is very religious (protestant), and it was very important to him that he have a traditional wedding. I invited about 40 people on my side and he invited about 80 on his. It was not weird at all...my friends and family were so happy for me and same for his. I did not have a second bridal shower but I did have a night out downtown with friends.

I would not think anything of a friend who got remarried and had a wedding, of any size. its your wedding and your marriage.

I had a few people on my side not give gifts and I choose to be happy they attended both weddings.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is shaping up to be the start of your second divorce. You can't spend your entire relationship not doing X because some busy body might say something.

You can't penalize your husband or yourself for that matter for being married before.

Yes you were married before and it ended. That's the facts.

It's also fact that you have found someone else you would like to share the rest of your life with and if you want the second half of that statement to come true your DH's feelings need to matter more to you than your nosy aunt or gossipy cousins.

So what if most men don't have ideas for their wedding, your fiance does. This is his first and hopefully only wedding, this is the mark of the start of your lives together. Don't treat it like some dirty side show act that should only be viewed behind a curtain and talked about in hushed tones.

Congrats and good luck!

OP here, thank you! Thank you! Thank you! This honestly is probably the best advice I've gotten from anyone! Again, thank you.

NP and I love this too! Your day together is what you want it to be and who cares what other people say about how you "should" celebrate it or not. All happiest wishes to you!

I had a second wedding too, which was my DH's first. It was absolutely lovely and it still fills my heart with joy to think about that day. It was a very festive start to a wonderful marriage and we planned it the way we wanted to.

I don't include my former husband in anything in my life, so why would he have anything to do with how I plan my wedding or marriage?

[Anonymous]

How about a small and intimate wedding and then a huge party to celebrate. You can invite everyone and they can choose whether or not to attend. You can say "no presents" if you are worried about that.

I think your instincts are right about the second wedding; however, I'd say your family are being pretty tacky themselves by talking amongst themselves about the wedding and whether or not it is appropriate. You can always just invite a few people from your side and forget about the others.

If this is important to your fiancé, you need to be generous about it (especially if you can afford it). If finances are a big concern, I'd appeal to him on those grounds.