Second Wedding Etiquette

[Anonymous]

I'm engaged, planning to get married in the fall. This will be my second wedding, but my fiancé's first. I would prefer either a small wedding in someone's backyard or go to courthouse, but my fiancé wants a big extravagant wedding. I get it since it his first, but aren't there etiquette rules about having a big second wedding?

[Anonymous]

The etiquette rules for a second wedding were:

1. if it's the bride's first wedding, it can be big.
2. if it's the bride's second wedding, it must be small.
3. the groom's previous marital status is irrelevant.

The sexism is obvious.

So, if you don't want a big extravagant wedding, don't cite etiquette. Tell your fiancé, "I really don't want a big extravagant wedding."

[Anonymous]

My friend was in a similar situation (her first, his second). Ultimately they decided that anyone who judged them wasn't really someone they wanted to celebrate with anyways. And it was a blast.

[Anonymous]

How long ago were you married and how big was it? I would support any of my friends with a second wedding. But a huge registry, bridal showers, etc would be a little overkilll...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm engaged, planning to get married in the fall. This will be my second wedding, but my fiancé's first. I would prefer either a small wedding in someone's backyard or go to courthouse, but my fiancé wants a big extravagant wedding. I get it since it his first, but aren't there etiquette rules about having a big second wedding?

Eh, I think your fiance's feelings should be more important than what other people think about your wedding. Find a middle ground, as your feelings are valid as well - as long as they aren't because you aren't afraid of being judged.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How long ago were you married and how big was it? I would support any of my friends with a second wedding. But a huge registry, bridal showers, etc would be a little overkilll...

I got married 15 years ago, about 200 guests. I don't want any of that. I have friends offering to plan a bridal shower and a bachelorette party, but I told them not to.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How long ago were you married and how big was it? I would support any of my friends with a second wedding. But a huge registry, bridal showers, etc would be a little overkilll...

I got married 15 years ago, about 200 guests. I don't want any of that. I have friends offering to plan a bridal shower and a bachelorette party, but I told them not to.

I think a bachelorette party would still be tons of fun. A shower might be overkill because you're older and have everything. But I wouldn't judge either way.

[Anonymous]

No bridal shower. Also, it's not a bachelorette party because you are not a bachelorette, you are a divorcee (call it a ladies night out).

Have a small wedding.

[Anonymous]

If you don't want a big, extravagant wedding, don't have one. Work with your fiance to figure out something that feels right for both of you. Generally, second weddings are supposed to be more low-key than first weddings, and I would definitely NOT have a shower.

[Anonymous]

I think there could be some compromise here. What is it about a big wedding does he want? Does he want it in a church? If so, does it have to be big? Is it the "big party" aspect? Because you could always have a private ceremony and then a big party later on to celebrate.

You can definitely skip the shower and bach party - those are just for you, so if you don't want them, don't have them. Let him have a bach party.

[Anonymous]

OP here, he wants it at some country/golf club with up to 300 guests including our family and friends, plus people he works out with, coworkers, frat brothers, church members. I'm feeling overwhelmed, lol.

[Anonymous]

There's nothing preventing you from throwing a big party!

Since you've already done the bride stuff, perhaps skip the engagement, shower and bachelorette parties?

Have a big wedding and party---that's fine.

Question: who's footing the bill? If DH's family is doing it, go for it! But don't ask your parents to do this again.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There's nothing preventing you from throwing a big party!

Since you've already done the bride stuff, perhaps skip the engagement, shower and bachelorette parties?

Have a big wedding and party---that's fine.

Question: who's footing the bill? If DH's family is doing it, go for it! But don't ask your parents to do this again.

We are! His family did offer to pay for the wedding cake and flowers.

Another question, might be kind of silly. Do second time brides allowed to wear a traditional wedding dress?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My friend was in a similar situation (her first, his second). Ultimately they decided that anyone who judged them wasn't really someone they wanted to celebrate with anyways. And it was a blast.

+1. Do what you want with the people you want!

[Anonymous]

I don't think there's any hard & fast rules of etiquette here. Other than it would seem weird to have the second wedding bigger than the first. I would find some middle ground. Skip the bridal shower, but do a ladies night out if you're so inclined. FIRST agree upon the budget. Then see what fits into said budget. Keep the ceremony and luncheon or dinner small - more of a family thing. Then host a cocktail party at home (catered) or at a venue for friends. Skip the rehearsal dinner; have no more than one attendant.