Can I get rid of this sentimental thing from MIL?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have recently ce to the opinion that people give gifts for a lot of reasons: because they want to have the special moment when they give you the gift, because they honestly believe it is something you will use and enjoy, or because they want to be remembered fondly whenever you see or use a certain item. These are not exclusive. People do not give gifts to be the butt of inside jokes or to be resented every time you look at the gift. Your MIL already had her moment, and there is no way you are ever going to look at these and think fondly of her. So, they have served their purpose as gifts to you. And now you can get rid of them without guilt.

I can add another reason - sometimes people want to give someone else the obligation of owning their things for them. They are ready to remove an item from their space, but instead of dealing with their own goodbye/acknowledgement to that particular object, they pass it along to someone else to hold for them. Then they don't have to deal with having it in their space anymore AND don't have to deal with really parting with it either. This was my take on OP's situation.

+1

YES.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You know, it's amazing how many things have broken/gotten lost in moves over the the years. Such a shame.

Haha, we're moving in a few months and I had the exact thought about MIL trinkets.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:UGH!!! OP, I feel your pain, my in-laws and husband's crazy spinster aunt love to give us what I refer to internally as "their old shit" but of course would never say that in person. One year for Christmas, spinster aunt gave us her father's old carving knives - they were cheap with plastic handles and the knife was so dull that our sharpener did nothing on that thing. DH refuses to throw them out, his parents have come to our house for Thanksgiving every once in a while, so they have to be available for that. Another year, MIL gave my DD an old toy that I am pretty confident has lead and mold in it. I wrapped it in plastic and stuck it in the basement. But of course everything valuable (the actual antiques) are ONLY given to my SIL who now has precious artwork and beautiful antique furniture. We've expressed interest in the real antiques, and even specifically asked for one or two things when they are ready to part with them but have been told they are earmarked for SIL.

I tried to accidentally lose things in our last move, but somehow things that accidentally ended up in one of our donate bags were found by MIL who apparently went through every single bag. She also took a whole bunch of stuff from that pile home with her (like torn sheets and a rusted old wine rack). My ILs are so freaking weird.

You have my sympathy, pp. Your MIL doesn't want her DIL to end up with the family heirlooms. SIL was given all the grandmother's nicest jewelry and sterling and would have received all MIL's jewelry. Sadly, SIL died unexpectedly and now her 6 year old is due to inherit everything from all three women. That's a lot for a young person to be responsible for but the family will respect their wishes.

PP that you'er quoting here - I find it sad that they so much don't want their DIL to have their heirlooms that they won't give them to their own son. He's the one who wants certain things (a painting by a well known artist, for example), but SIL has already "claimed" it.

[Anonymous]

She is giving you things to avoid feeling bad about throwing them away herself. I would do whatever you want with them, they are yours now.

[Anonymous]

When my DH's grandmother died, years ago, my MIL started bringing so many random things to our house. First it was teddy bears she gave to the kids. Then really old pot holders and kitchen towels, then damaged holiday trinkets. As the years progressed, so did these random items that were always given as "gifts" wrapped up in a gift bag. It made me crazy. She just could not throw anything that belonged to her mother away. When we visited her home 3 years after her mom's death her entire dining room was filled with random items as they had finally sold her mothers house. Now I simply keep two boxes in the basement. One is immediate donation and the other immediate trash. She can't get rid of this stuff but I sure can. I don't know how many more years we have of this left (it's been 7 already) but a fight is not worth it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have recently ce to the opinion that people give gifts for a lot of reasons: because they want to have the special moment when they give you the gift, because they honestly believe it is something you will use and enjoy, or because they want to be remembered fondly whenever you see or use a certain item. These are not exclusive. People do not give gifts to be the butt of inside jokes or to be resented every time you look at the gift. Your MIL already had her moment, and there is no way you are ever going to look at these and think fondly of her. So, they have served their purpose as gifts to you. And now you can get rid of them without guilt.

I can add another reason - sometimes people want to give someone else the obligation of owning their things for them. They are ready to remove an item from their space, but instead of dealing with their own goodbye/acknowledgement to that particular object, they pass it along to someone else to hold for them. Then they don't have to deal with having it in their space anymore AND don't have to deal with really parting with it either. This was my take on OP's situation.

+1

YES.

There is a lot of narcissism involved in this kind of gift-giving. When you receive gifts that are narcissistic in nature, such as OPs situation, you can get rid of them guilt-free. Those gifts weren't given with true care for the receiver but were given to feed the emotional needs of the giver. If you haven't experienced hoarder giving, you probably don't know what I am talking about, but it is a real problem that appeasing won't fix.

I have a relative who gives gifts like this because she has her own mental health issues. For years I kept them, but I finally realized that I had no obligation to feed her mental health issues at the expense of my own mental health. I started refusing them and being blunt about what would happen to them. ("If you give that to me, I will throw it out.") What is interesting is that establishing boundaries in this aspect made our relationship much better overall.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have recently ce to the opinion that people give gifts for a lot of reasons: because they want to have the special moment when they give you the gift, because they honestly believe it is something you will use and enjoy, or because they want to be remembered fondly whenever you see or use a certain item. These are not exclusive. People do not give gifts to be the butt of inside jokes or to be resented every time you look at the gift. Your MIL already had her moment, and there is no way you are ever going to look at these and think fondly of her. So, they have served their purpose as gifts to you. And now you can get rid of them without guilt.

I can add another reason - sometimes people want to give someone else the obligation of owning their things for them. They are ready to remove an item from their space, but instead of dealing with their own goodbye/acknowledgement to that particular object, they pass it along to someone else to hold for them. Then they don't have to deal with having it in their space anymore AND don't have to deal with really parting with it either. This was my take on OP's situation.

+1

YES.

+2 or 3

Marie Kondo talks about this in her book.

[Anonymous]

Op ~ you ask, "Can I". This is your husband's call. His obligation.