Thinking of ending relationship with my sister

[Anonymous]

If you are seriously sitting around "thinking of ending relationship with my sister" you have a lot of time on your hands and you are dwelling. Unless she has done something to cause this sudden, abrupt "ending" then I think you are being a bit dramatic - sorry.

You don't get along with this family member and you don't enjoy seeing her. If that is the case stop getting together so much. That is not an excuse to be rude and dramatic to her which I think you would wind up regretting. Another poster said a while ago - you never know, maybe one day you both will grow close to each other again. Life has different phases...hang in there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Grow the fuck up. My sister did precisely what you are proposing with my two brothers. It blew the whole fucking family up. Nieces and nephews no longer have aunts and uncles, siblings no longer talk to one another, children have taken sides against their parents. Adults do not behave this way. She didn't even have to have any contact with them. This formal declaration was more about her childishness than it was about my brothers' admittedly bad behavior. When dealing with family it isn't all about you. Your actions have tentacles that reach to everyone else. Every time I see one of these posts, I can't help but think did you people never move beyond middle school emotionally?

You sound very angry at an internet stranger, can't imagine what it's like to have you in the family. Each of us has the right to live a joyous and peaceful life, and we are first and foremost responsible to ourselves, then others. Maintaining unhealthy relationships, out of a sense of duty, is self-abuse. I don't agree with OP's approach and don't know the dynamics of the relationship. My suggestion is putting some distance and OP working on herself and stop focusing so much on what her sister is doing.

I am very angry. I have seen the devastation left in the wake of these "declarations." There are mature ways to deal with a users that don't result in destroying families.

+1

I am horrified at all the posters encouraging OP to break up her family.

Unless your sister is mentally unstable and has demonstrated express intent to destroy your life and seriously harm you, you have no reason to "cut her out". It is mean and petty and toxic.

[Anonymous]

Yes, if she has demonstrated that she would like to destroy your life and/or harm you in some way cut her out.

If she is just annoying the crap out of you. Just deal. No drama.

[Anonymous]

The dissenters either (1) have never had an emotionally volatile sibling, or (2) are themselves the emotionally volatile sibling.

No one's talking about cutting out a sibling over few and far between misunderstandings or an isolated instance of unkindness.

But repeated & constant unkindness, manipulation, anger, lying, harassment, disrespect for boundaries, and other forms of regular repeated abuse is absolutely a valid reason for either distancing or completely cutting off a sibling.

I cut out a brother a few years ago. It breaks my heart not to have a relationship with his kids, but at the same time he's used his kids as an emotional chess piece in our own sibling-relationship. It's not fair to his kids, and it's not fair to myself. There is no option that is ideal but I feel 150% confident that I made the best one possible by having zero-to-no relationship with my brother anymore.

It's just what it is with the cards we're dealing with.

[Anonymous]

As the saying goes, "don't go away mad, just go away."

No big pronouncement, etc., needed. Just do it (cut her out, ignore her, etc., and let it be).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Grow the fuck up. My sister did precisely what you are proposing with my two brothers. It blew the whole fucking family up. Nieces and nephews no longer have aunts and uncles, siblings no longer talk to one another, children have taken sides against their parents. Adults do not behave this way. She didn't even have to have any contact with them. This formal declaration was more about her childishness than it was about my brothers' admittedly bad behavior. When dealing with family it isn't all about you. Your actions have tentacles that reach to everyone else. Every time I see one of these posts, I can't help but think did you people never move beyond middle school emotionally?

You sound very angry at an internet stranger, can't imagine what it's like to have you in the family. Each of us has the right to live a joyous and peaceful life, and we are first and foremost responsible to ourselves, then others. Maintaining unhealthy relationships, out of a sense of duty, is self-abuse. I don't agree with OP's approach and don't know the dynamics of the relationship. My suggestion is putting some distance and OP working on herself and stop focusing so much on what her sister is doing.

I am very angry. I have seen the devastation left in the wake of these "declarations." There are mature ways to deal with a users that don't result in destroying families.

Why are others devastated (talk about a grand proclamation) and why do their feelings take precedent over those of whomever wanted to cut ties? I think people cut ties when they have reached an impasse, too much has happened, or they have exhausted other ways of making it work. I'll also add that a lot of times distancing yourself does not work, the other party does not get the hint, they get angrier, they stew and then explode at family events.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The dissenters either (1) have never had an emotionally volatile sibling, or (2) are themselves the emotionally volatile sibling.

No one's talking about cutting out a sibling over few and far between misunderstandings or an isolated instance of unkindness.

But repeated & constant unkindness, manipulation, anger, lying, harassment, disrespect for boundaries, and other forms of regular repeated abuse is absolutely a valid reason for either distancing or completely cutting off a sibling.

I cut out a brother a few years ago. It breaks my heart not to have a relationship with his kids, but at the same time he's used his kids as an emotional chess piece in our own sibling-relationship. It's not fair to his kids, and it's not fair to myself. There is no option that is ideal but I feel 150% confident that I made the best one possible by having zero-to-no relationship with my brother anymore.

It's just what it is with the cards we're dealing with.

Well, harassment and regular repeated *abuse* is probably grounds to cut someone off. Being jealous/annoyed because Suzy always gets her way and acts perfect all the time is understandable but not worth Da-Da-Dum "Cutting her OFF!". One is a prudent the other dramatic.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The dissenters either (1) have never had an emotionally volatile sibling, or (2) are themselves the emotionally volatile sibling.

No one's talking about cutting out a sibling over few and far between misunderstandings or an isolated instance of unkindness.

But repeated & constant unkindness, manipulation, anger, lying, harassment, disrespect for boundaries, and other forms of regular repeated abuse is absolutely a valid reason for either distancing or completely cutting off a sibling.

I cut out a brother a few years ago. It breaks my heart not to have a relationship with his kids, but at the same time he's used his kids as an emotional chess piece in our own sibling-relationship. It's not fair to his kids, and it's not fair to myself. There is no option that is ideal but I feel 150% confident that I made the best one possible by having zero-to-no relationship with my brother anymore.

It's just what it is with the cards we're dealing with.

Well, harassment and regular repeated *abuse* is probably grounds to cut someone off. Being jealous/annoyed because Suzy always gets her way and acts perfect all the time is understandable but not worth Da-Da-Dum "Cutting her OFF!". One is a prudent the other dramatic.

The problem is that a lot of these manipulative, abusive siblings accuse other siblings of just being jealous - and say that their jealousy is the real root reason for frustration/hurt/distance/cutting off, etc. One of my siblings outright voluntarily admitted that they're manipulative. They also accused me of just being jealous. What the "real reason" is may be in the eye of the beholder, but all I know is that I made the right decision for my wellbeing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The dissenters either (1) have never had an emotionally volatile sibling, or (2) are themselves the emotionally volatile sibling.[/b]

[b]No one's talking about cutting out a sibling over few and far between misunderstandings or an isolated instance of unkindness.

But repeated & constant unkindness, manipulation, anger, lying, harassment, disrespect for boundaries, and other forms of regular repeated abuse is absolutely a valid reason for either distancing or completely cutting off a sibling.

I cut out a brother a few years ago. It breaks my heart not to have a relationship with his kids, but at the same time he's used his kids as an emotional chess piece in our own sibling-relationship. It's not fair to his kids, and it's not fair to myself. There is no option that is ideal but I feel 150% confident that I made the best one possible by having zero-to-no relationship with my brother anymore.

It's just what it is with the cards we're dealing with.

Wrong on both accounts. Some of us have simply been caught up in the aftermath of this childishness and seen whole families destroyed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The dissenters either (1) have never had an emotionally volatile sibling, or (2) are themselves the emotionally volatile sibling.[/b]

[b]No one's talking about cutting out a sibling over few and far between misunderstandings or an isolated instance of unkindness.

But repeated & constant unkindness, manipulation, anger, lying, harassment, disrespect for boundaries, and other forms of regular repeated abuse is absolutely a valid reason for either distancing or completely cutting off a sibling.

I cut out a brother a few years ago. It breaks my heart not to have a relationship with his kids, but at the same time he's used his kids as an emotional chess piece in our own sibling-relationship. It's not fair to his kids, and it's not fair to myself. There is no option that is ideal but I feel 150% confident that I made the best one possible by having zero-to-no relationship with my brother anymore.

It's just what it is with the cards we're dealing with.

Wrong on both accounts. Some of us have simply been caught up in the aftermath of this childishness and seen whole families destroyed.

No, then you've clearly never had a sibling like many of us have had. Or you think people should just put up with abuse, hostility, and toxicity? There's no need to make a big dramatic break. But sometimes it's also the extended family who builds unnecessary drama with this "destroyed" business.

Count your blessings. You never know what others have dealt with.

[Anonymous]

Its a whole different world to have abusive siblings and family. Niether side can really understand the other. Normal family people/ abusive family people. My mother used to pick out dirty used clothes from a thrift shop especially for me at Christmas. Just me. Imagine opening that up on Christmas Day in front of everyone else who had regular presents. That is just one event. She had an abusive situation growing up and never could get past it -- even on her death bed she rose up and spewed out hate. It is difficult.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The dissenters either (1) have never had an emotionally volatile sibling, or (2) are themselves the emotionally volatile sibling.[/b]

[b]No one's talking about cutting out a sibling over few and far between misunderstandings or an isolated instance of unkindness.

But repeated & constant unkindness, manipulation, anger, lying, harassment, disrespect for boundaries, and other forms of regular repeated abuse is absolutely a valid reason for either distancing or completely cutting off a sibling.

I cut out a brother a few years ago. It breaks my heart not to have a relationship with his kids, but at the same time he's used his kids as an emotional chess piece in our own sibling-relationship. It's not fair to his kids, and it's not fair to myself. There is no option that is ideal but I feel 150% confident that I made the best one possible by having zero-to-no relationship with my brother anymore.

It's just what it is with the cards we're dealing with.

Wrong on both accounts. Some of us have simply been caught up in the aftermath of this childishness and seen whole families destroyed.

No, then you've clearly never had a sibling like many of us have had. Or you think people should just put up with abuse, hostility, and toxicity? There's no need to make a big dramatic break. But sometimes it's also the extended family who builds unnecessary drama with this "destroyed" business.

Count your blessings. You never know what others have dealt with.

Wrong again...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The dissenters either (1) have never had an emotionally volatile sibling, or (2) are themselves the emotionally volatile sibling.[/b]

[b]No one's talking about cutting out a sibling over few and far between misunderstandings or an isolated instance of unkindness.

But repeated & constant unkindness, manipulation, anger, lying, harassment, disrespect for boundaries, and other forms of regular repeated abuse is absolutely a valid reason for either distancing or completely cutting off a sibling.

I cut out a brother a few years ago. It breaks my heart not to have a relationship with his kids, but at the same time he's used his kids as an emotional chess piece in our own sibling-relationship. It's not fair to his kids, and it's not fair to myself. There is no option that is ideal but I feel 150% confident that I made the best one possible by having zero-to-no relationship with my brother anymore.

It's just what it is with the cards we're dealing with.

Wrong on both accounts. Some of us have simply been caught up in the aftermath of this childishness and seen whole families destroyed.

No, then you've clearly never had a sibling like many of us have had. Or you think people should just put up with abuse, hostility, and toxicity? There's no need to make a big dramatic break. But sometimes it's also the extended family who builds unnecessary drama with this "destroyed" business.

Count your blessings. You never know what others have dealt with.

Wrong again...

That's really great that you have an abusive sibling or family member and are able to accept the barrage of lies, awfulness, gossip & manipulation with all things considered, as part of some package deal. Not everyone is just like you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Its a whole different world to have abusive siblings and family. Niether side can really understand the other. Normal family people/ abusive family people. My mother used to pick out dirty used clothes from a thrift shop especially for me at Christmas. Just me. Imagine opening that up on Christmas Day in front of everyone else who had regular presents. That is just one event. She had an abusive situation growing up and never could get past it -- even on her death bed she rose up and spewed out hate. It is difficult.

OMG -- I'm soooo sorry this happened to you.

[Anonymous]

Every time I hear one of this cutting off a family member statements, I am reminded of a 5 year old screaming I am going to take my toys and go home. Grow up and look at how your actions effect every other member of your family. You don't have to engage any one you don't want to. You don't have to visit any one you don't want to. You don't even have to have a relationship with anyone you don't want to. However, the moment you make one of these childish declarations you cast your relationship issues onto every other member of the family--and, yes, your actions will ripple through all of the relationships in the family. It is very selfish and there are better and more mature ways to protect yourself than dragging everyone else down.