Neighborhood kids destroying our house

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We had those neighbor kids. They broke so many toys-- with us watching in the same room. We had to start turning them away (also, parents were taking advantage of the free babysitting) and eventually, it stopped. We don't let them in our home- only outside play. You are the adult, you are in control.

I am going to decline 100% of the time and hopefully they will get the hint. They are everywhere though - school, our community pool, after school activities, school events, etc. etc. etc.

OP, I think a lot of posters are missing your follow-up posts that indicate this larger issue. This isn't just about these kids destroying your child's Lego creation this one time, or otherwise being destructive of property when in your house. That's just a part of a larger issue which is a family that wants more time and more attention from you than you want to give and that also sees whenever you come and go from your house and expects you to be OK with all the "are you home yet" texts etc. You said earlier that the adults seem to want to cultivate a friendship with you and your spouse. Plus you will run into them everywhere all the time so just blowing them off entirely isn't possible (unless you want cold-shoulder adult drama at every pool trip and every school play, and I'm sure you don't).

I feel for you. It's tough when a kid's friend's parents want to befriend you and you don't click but they don't see it.

If you haven't yet given the other adults a chance, or spent much time trying to see if they could actually be good friends to you and your spouse -- maybe give it a try since you might be missing out on a real friendship. If you have already tried that and truly feel you have a good basis for knowing you don't want these neighbors/fellow school parents as your own friends -- then you'll need to Be Too Busy: "Yes, I'm home, but we've got plans." "Thanks for the invitation but Johnny can't play right now. He's got a lot going on this week. Maybe next week?" And so on. I would not cut your son off from these other kids completely if they're OK kids when outside, but I'd use the "only outside" rule. And as for his going over to their house where they play endless video games, I'd simply tell the other parents that your child can only stay X amount of time, and tell your son that any screen time at other kids' houses counts toward his total screen time, period. And I wouldn't let him go over more than once a week, if he's going to do nothing there but play video games.

Tread with some care. I'd try to stay cordial with this family since you and they will see each other a lot and everywhere and it is good to have neighbors you know well enough to help each other out at times. We've had next door neighbors who were not truly friends of ours (different interests, different outlooks, etc.) but we were all cordial and helpful with each other as neighbors -- if a kid needed a ride to school but the parents' car wasn't working, they could ask us for a ride and knew it would be OK, and vice versa. I even borrowed their car twice when mine had issues, and my husband drove the wife to doctor's appointments a few times. But I admit, that family was not texting me eagerly to see if I was around for their kid to play with ours daily--that would have driven me a bit nuts. In your case, I'd show that I'm open to some outdoor play dates and occasional video gaming at their house, and I'd talk with the adults mostly about school and the pool etc. and nothing personal. I hope that they'd get the hint eventually about the level of relationship you're willing to have.

OP here. Thank you for listening. DH has a demanding job, likes his downtime and has zero interest in any relationship with this family. DH is not the type to chit chat. I'm more friendly and social than DH. The family is probably taking my politeness and think I like them more than I actually do. I was eager to get to know them since we live in the same neighborhood and our kids attend the same school. Now that I have gotten to know them, I want to keep my distance.

Once school it back in session, it should be easier to avoid play dates. I will continue being civil when I see them around.

[Anonymous]

OP, I think you're kind of nuts. Some PPs described kids who did disrespectful things but in your case you only described stuff that's really normal.

Tons of kids don't think it's "breaking" legos to take creations apart and play with them and the fact that you used that language makes it clear you're the weird one here.

You should really stop being so passive aggressive and just make the rules clear to the neighborhood kids as well as your own.

[Anonymous]

OP, Take a close look at this post. This is what you should be doing instead of whining.

Anonymous wrote:I lay down the law to ALL of the kids (including mine) BEFORE they start playing in my strong, I am NOT messing with you voice:

No one is to touch anyone else.
No one is to break anything.
No one is to go into my room or ___________.
There are no snacks or drinks outside of the kitchen.
This is the ONLY thing that you may have for a snack. If you don't like it I DON"T want to hear it.
There is no _____________ in this house.
You will help picking up BEFORE you leave.

If anyone breaks these rules the fun stops and everyone goes home.

I find this works even with the most out of hand kids.

Also, tell your kid to put toys they don't want to share or break in your room.

[Anonymous]

We told them what happened. Like I said, that's when I realized they were not our friends, but just people who took advantage of our relationship for free childcare. It was their loss . I got over my hurt feelings-- but it's just a warning that relationships can break over something like that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, I think you're kind of nuts. Some PPs described kids who did disrespectful things but in your case you only described stuff that's really normal.

Tons of kids don't think it's "breaking" legos to take creations apart and play with them and the fact that you used that language makes it clear you're the weird one here.

You should really stop being so passive aggressive and just make the rules clear to the neighborhood kids as well as your own.

OP here. At the end of the day, I just don't want those kids in my house. I also don't want to hang out with their parents either. Not being passive aggressive.

We are friends with other people in our neighborhood that we see once every month or so. We like those kids and their parents.

[Anonymous]

I have called up parents of neighborhood kids and have told them to send back their child(ren) and help clean up the mess they made.

SImple.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I think you're kind of nuts. Some PPs described kids who did disrespectful things but in your case you only described stuff that's really normal.

Tons of kids don't think it's "breaking" legos to take creations apart and play with them and the fact that you used that language makes it clear you're the weird one here.

You should really stop being so passive aggressive and just make the rules clear to the neighborhood kids as well as your own.

OP here. At the end of the day, I just don't want those kids in my house. I also don't want to hang out with their parents either. Not being passive aggressive.

We are friends with other people in our neighborhood that we see once every month or so. We like those kids and their parents.

WHy is it so difficult to say, "NO."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I think you're kind of nuts. Some PPs described kids who did disrespectful things but in your case you only described stuff that's really normal.

Tons of kids don't think it's "breaking" legos to take creations apart and play with them and the fact that you used that language makes it clear you're the weird one here.

You should really stop being so passive aggressive and just make the rules clear to the neighborhood kids as well as your own.

OP here. At the end of the day, I just don't want those kids in my house. I also don't want to hang out with their parents either. Not being passive aggressive.

We are friends with other people in our neighborhood that we see once every month or so. We like those kids and their parents.

Then why post at all if it's just that you don't like them and don't like their parents? You already know what you want to do. These kids really didn't do anything bad at all. All I can find so far from you is that an expensive lego set got taken apart while kids were playing with it in an area they were told they could play in. Those kinds of things happen all the time even without other kids over. I hope your neighbors read this and realize how crazy you are.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm clearly new to this because my kid is only 4, but when I read DESTROYING, SMASHING, BREAKING I thought things were actually being ruined -- not assembled legos being taken apart. I realize that they can take time to build, but are we actually at a point where playing with legos (other than setting them up in one particular way) is considered ruining them?

That's not to say these kids aren't brats. Perhaps they are. But the lego thing just shocked me.

Yes. Disassembling a lego set that is put together (the complex ones can take HOURS and HOURS to do) without the permission of the owner is ruining it. Please teach your child this.

[Anonymous]

OP here. At the end of the day, I just don't want those kids in my house. I also don't want to hang out with their parents either. Not being passive aggressive.

Look, that's fine, its your house and your choice. Just decline invites and tell the kids they can't come over when they come by. It's going to make an awkward neighbor relationship, and it doesn't sound like the kids did anything that bad, but its your right to draw whatever boundaries you determine necessary.

[Anonymous]

I'm clearly new to this because my kid is only 4, but when I read DESTROYING, SMASHING, BREAKING I thought things were actually being ruined -- not assembled legos being taken apart. I realize that they can take time to build, but are we actually at a point where playing with legos (other than setting them up in one particular way) is considered ruining them?

That's not to say these kids aren't brats. Perhaps they are. But the lego thing just shocked me.

Yes. Disassembling a lego set that is put together (the complex ones can take HOURS and HOURS to do) without the permission of the owner is ruining it. Please teach your child this.

Come on. My son puts together tons of lego sets, and yes, it does take a long time, but if you don't want the sets taken apart, the clear solution is to put those sets up or in another room when you have other little kids over to the house. That's what we have always done, and it has worked like a charm.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm clearly new to this because my kid is only 4, but when I read DESTROYING, SMASHING, BREAKING I thought things were actually being ruined -- not assembled legos being taken apart. I realize that they can take time to build, but are we actually at a point where playing with legos (other than setting them up in one particular way) is considered ruining them?

That's not to say these kids aren't brats. Perhaps they are. But the lego thing just shocked me.

Yes. Disassembling a lego set that is put together (the complex ones can take HOURS and HOURS to do) without the permission of the owner is ruining it. Please teach your child this.

Someone needs some kragle.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How old are the kids?

Kids are 6-8 years old.

I should add that our kids just started the same school this year. I was very friendly to them since we were new to the school. I regret this very much! The parents seem to like us a lot because they are always wanting to hang out with us too. DH and I are just not interested.

I bet the parents want a free caretaker. Just set your limits.

[Anonymous]

I know how op feels. I've been in her situation before. The kids I remember doing this kind of thing were just rowdy & destructive. My son is an only child & we live in a condo. He has a very nice bedroom, and we do not have a playroom. He has a toy box, a table with boxes of loose Legos for playing and building with and built sets displayed on top that he plays with, and games and other play sets in his closet. Most kids that come over play very nicely and don't feel the need to destroy his room, but over the years there have been a few who have zero self control.

I don't think I need to hover and supervise a couple of kids who are 6 or older beyond checking in periodically, and most of the time that is fine, but sometimes it isn't. I've asked my son what happened during these play dates gone wrong and he described that the toy box was overturned and toys are being thrown, slammed into things, and just chaos. This isn't how my son is when he's alone or with most of the friends he plays with, so I'm pretty sure it's that kid who creates the messes when he is there.

Some kids just get very aggressive and take it out on other peoples stuff. They mostly get a second chance, but if it happens again they aren't welcome back to my house.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm clearly new to this because my kid is only 4, but when I read DESTROYING, SMASHING, BREAKING I thought things were actually being ruined -- not assembled legos being taken apart. I realize that they can take time to build, but are we actually at a point where playing with legos (other than setting them up in one particular way) is considered ruining them?

That's not to say these kids aren't brats. Perhaps they are. But the lego thing just shocked me.

Yes. Disassembling a lego set that is put together (the complex ones can take HOURS and HOURS to do) without the permission of the owner is ruining it. Please teach your child this.

That's insane. I don't think it's cool but it's hardly ruining the set and it's definitely not breaking it. Have you seen the Lego Movie by the way?