Mother interfering with Christmas Day visit of another relative. Help!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am very very surprised at all the people saying it's not your business. It's totally your business. You invited people to your home for a major holiday. One of those people is presumably young and quite busy, thus doesn't see you often. And old people wants to take her away from the holiday festivities to spend hours and hours in a car visiting some old curmudgeon who is in a nursing home that has entertainment brought in. The young person has no idea she's about to be AMBUSHED into driving instead of having a nice fun holiday. Yes, OP absolutely has a right to butt in and tell her mom to knock it off, make other arrangements and ensure her guests are able to be just that...guests, not servants or chauffeurs.

+ a million. I don't know what the other posters are thinking.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
This would fix it:

Car service (Uber) for both to visit. Cousin stays an hour; Mom, for as long as she likes. Schedule it around the party. For example, there's the hour between opening presents and dessert or whatever. Cousin will be gone for that period to pay her respects.

This is NOT triangulating. Saving someone from despair is a helping act. Triangulation refers to an unhealthy pattern of communicating to B through C. You're NOT doing that. You, A, see B is bullying C, and want to spare her that. NOT TRIANGULATION.

Yes, that's exactly what this is. Any time you can say "This is an A-B conversation, so C your way out of it," it's triangulation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
This would fix it:

Car service (Uber) for both to visit. Cousin stays an hour; Mom, for as long as she likes. Schedule it around the party. For example, there's the hour between opening presents and dessert or whatever. Cousin will be gone for that period to pay her respects.

This is NOT triangulating. Saving someone from despair is a helping act. Triangulation refers to an unhealthy pattern of communicating to B through C. You're NOT doing that. You, A, see B is bullying C, and want to spare her that. NOT TRIANGULATION.

Yes, that's exactly what this is. Any time you can say "This is an A-B conversation, so C your way out of it," it's triangulation.

Someone got an A in Psych 101 20 years ago and thinks she knows what she's talking about.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am very very surprised at all the people saying it's not your business. It's totally your business. You invited people to your home for a major holiday. One of those people is presumably young and quite busy, thus doesn't see you often. And old people wants to take her away from the holiday festivities to spend hours and hours in a car visiting some old curmudgeon who is in a nursing home that has entertainment brought in. The young person has no idea she's about to be AMBUSHED into driving instead of having a nice fun holiday. Yes, OP absolutely has a right to butt in and tell her mom to knock it off, make other arrangements and ensure her guests are able to be just that...guests, not servants or chauffeurs.

Olds vs Youngs...You are wrong. Op simply doesn't want her plans messed up, particularly since she doesn't likehte curmudgeon and from the sounds of things her mother. Two adults, of any age, should deal with the issues that effects them (i.e., the drive). OP's mother did not ask her to drive. It is none.of.her.business.

[Anonymous]

Cousin should arrive, immediately start taking shots, and become unable to drive.

But seriously, all of you suggesting that OP needs to stick her nose in this--I hope I never have to spend my holidays with you!

[Anonymous]

Cousin is presumably an adult. Let her speak for herself.