Overheard mother in law insult my family

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Send her an email. I was in the car, heard what you said about my brother and I'm offended. You're an important part of our life, as is my brother, and i'd appreciate it if you refrained from saying such hurtful things about the people I love.

Way to create one hell of a mess. MIL thought she was having a private conversation with her son, who in all likelihood is the one who said your brother is a loser-she didn't come up with that one on her own. In reality, what difference does it make. I love my brother, but he is a mess. BFD.

OP didn't create this mess, her husband and mil did. It's more mature to deal with hurt feelings head-on and move past it than to hold it in to breed resentment. It's kind of irrelevant how you feel about your "loser" brother, this is about how OP feels and she's hurt. I think you should talk to your husband and mil and clear the air.

[Anonymous]

I think she insults them in order to get in good with your husband and have a little camaraderie with him. He her conduit for information about your family. She hears this stuff from him -- the "loser" brother etc. You need to talk to your husband about what he is telling his mother. The real issue is him, OP.

Is your DH allowed to vent about your family? To me, that would be fine -- my family is pretty dysfunctional and I wouldn't really care. But if you can't handle that, then you need to let him know to tone it down.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think she insults them in order to get in good with your husband and have a little camaraderie with him. He her conduit for information about your family. She hears this stuff from him -- the "loser" brother etc. You need to talk to your husband about what he is telling his mother. The real issue is him, OP.

Is your DH allowed to vent about your family? To me, that would be fine -- my family is pretty dysfunctional and I wouldn't really care. But if you can't handle that, then you need to let him know to tone it down.

MIL is pretty awful if that type of high school mean girl behavior is how she "has a little camaraderie" with her adult son.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Send her an email. I was in the car, heard what you said about my brother and I'm offended. You're an important part of our life, as is my brother, and i'd appreciate it if you refrained from saying such hurtful things about the people I love.

Way to create one hell of a mess. MIL thought she was having a private conversation with her son, who in all likelihood is the one who said your brother is a loser-she didn't come up with that one on her own. In reality, what difference does it make. I love my brother, but he is a mess. BFD.

Who cares what you think about your brother? This is OP, not you.

When someone hurts me, I let them know directly so we can mend fences and the problem isn't repeated in the future. That's how adults move forward in relationships.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Send her an email. I was in the car, heard what you said about my brother and I'm offended. You're an important part of our life, as is my brother, and i'd appreciate it if you refrained from saying such hurtful things about the people I love.

Way to create one hell of a mess. MIL thought she was having a private conversation with her son, who in all likelihood is the one who said your brother is a loser-she didn't come up with that one on her own. In reality, what difference does it make. I love my brother, but he is a mess. BFD.

Who cares what you think about your brother? This is OP, not you.

When someone hurts me, I let them know directly so we can mend fences and the problem isn't repeated in the future. That's how adults move forward in relationships.

The point was that op is being ridiculous. Mil didn't say it to her. mil didn't intend for op to hear the comments. Op's brother is likely a loser. Op's Dh is likely one who told the mil the brother is a loser. "Confronting" mil is only escalating the issue. If she takes issue with anyone it should be her Dh, but if her brother is a loser she should just own it.

[Anonymous]

Op, your dh is to blame here.

[Anonymous]

How much money have you or your husband given this "loser brother?"

I suspect your DH is getting irritated at either that or having to deal with your brother's messes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How much money have you or your husband given this "loser brother?"

I suspect your DH is getting irritated at either that or having to deal with your brother's messes.

Op here. This post is an example of why I never should have posted in the first place.

And we have never given him money or cleaned up any messes. He is doing quite well for himself but have had to deal with some medical issues which has made him less social than in previous years.

I think I'm done here. Thanks to those who provided constructive comments.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Send her an email. I was in the car, heard what you said about my brother and I'm offended. You're an important part of our life, as is my brother, and i'd appreciate it if you refrained from saying such hurtful things about the people I love.

Way to create one hell of a mess. MIL thought she was having a private conversation with her son, who in all likelihood is the one who said your brother is a loser-she didn't come up with that one on her own. In reality, what difference does it make. I love my brother, but he is a mess. BFD.

Who cares what you think about your brother? This is OP, not you.

When someone hurts me, I let them know directly so we can mend fences and the problem isn't repeated in the future. That's how adults move forward in relationships.

The point was that op is being ridiculous. Mil didn't say it to her. mil didn't intend for op to hear the comments. Op's brother is likely a loser. Op's Dh is likely one who told the mil the brother is a loser. "Confronting" mil is only escalating the issue. If she takes issue with anyone it should be her Dh, but if her brother is a loser she should just own it.

I disagree. OP is not bring ridiculous. Mil was told at the start of the conversation that she was on speaker so it's on her that she "forgot" and has to deal with the repercussions. It's not escalating to tell mil how inappropriate her comment was, it's shutting down that catty bs, hopefully forever. And yes, dh also has to be dealt with for permitting this kind of language in regards to her family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Send her an email. I was in the car, heard what you said about my brother and I'm offended. You're an important part of our life, as is my brother, and i'd appreciate it if you refrained from saying such hurtful things about the people I love.

Way to create one hell of a mess. MIL thought she was having a private conversation with her son, who in all likelihood is the one who said your brother is a loser-she didn't come up with that one on her own. In reality, what difference does it make. I love my brother, but he is a mess. BFD.

Who cares what you think about your brother? This is OP, not you.

When someone hurts me, I let them know directly so we can mend fences and the problem isn't repeated in the future. That's how adults move forward in relationships.

The point was that op is being ridiculous. Mil didn't say it to her. mil didn't intend for op to hear the comments. Op's brother is likely a loser. Op's Dh is likely one who told the mil the brother is a loser. "Confronting" mil is only escalating the issue. If she takes issue with anyone it should be her Dh, but if her brother is a loser she should just own it.

I disagree. OP is not bring ridiculous. Mil was told at the start of the conversation that she was on speaker so it's on her that she "forgot" and has to deal with the repercussions. It's not escalating to tell mil how inappropriate her comment was, it's shutting down that catty bs, hopefully forever. And yes, dh also has to be dealt with for permitting this kind of language in regards to her family.

"Obviously she didn't know she was on speakerphone" Directly from op's first post...In any event, mil didn't come up with this on her own. She and op's dh have obviously had this conversation before. Op's anger is misplaced.

[Anonymous]

I will never understand why people get their nose so bent out of shape by someone else's opinion. Either it is accurate or it is inaccurate but their opinion doesn't change anything anyway. Why does anyone care?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I will never understand why people get their nose so bent out of shape by someone else's opinion. Either it is accurate or it is inaccurate but their opinion doesn't change anything anyway. Why does anyone care?

Agree with this. Who the hell cares? If it isn't true, then it isn't true. If it is, then own it. Or do something about it.

[Anonymous]

Does your MIL even really know your brother? It almost sounds as though your dh made the mistake of saying something negative about your brother to his mom (maybe venting?).

Honestly, I would be bothered to hear someone I care about (MIL) being so unfairly critical of someone else I care about (brother) - but maybe MIL is just the type who likes to gossip and complain about other people..even ones she barely knows.

[Anonymous]

What kind of immature old person is MIL? She sounds like a Mean Girl.

[Anonymous]

"Hello MIL, it's so nice to hear that you're your usual tolerant and compassionate self!"

Drill into DH that casual insults are NOT acceptable and must be commented on immediately. This is not how you want your kids to be raised. And be prepared for a zingy comeback next time.