I love all the women on this thread who think they should still be able to call all the shots with their ex-husbands after divorce. It doesn't work that way ladies. His new wife calls the shots. You don't get to have your cake and eat it too.
The issue with the money in these blended families is that typically the man is paying for child support, alimony, and health care, not to mention extras. And because it's NEVER enough for the first wife, they always ask for more. |
I have a story for you OP.
My ex lives with a woman he's been with for years. They are all but married except legally. Woman purchased an expensive house. Woman made my ex call me. "Because the new house has a bedroom just for our kids (that would be, the guest room), I am reducing your child support by $300 a month." The two of them decided that this money would be earmarked to defray the cost of her mortgage in exchange for the bedroom my kids sleep in four nights a month. Now, my ex is a real jerk, but I could tell by his voice that he was extremely uncomfortable with this phone call. He was doing this because the new woman made him. He was doing this because he was putting her first, over our kids. Of course CS doesn't work that way. You don't get to just cut it because your GF bought a house. So I politely declined to have my CS reduced and that was the end of it. My point, obviously GF is acting in her own self-interest. It is not in the best interests of my kids to have their CS cut by $300 a month. This would seriously impact their quality of life. GF is a decent person, I don't particularly dislike her. But I was really shocked that my children's stepmom would suggest something so selfish and absurd. If she needs $300 a month that badly she shouldn't have purchased the house. In my anecdotal experience, not all step parents can be relied on to consistently act in the best interests of the step children. They do not all have the same degree of innate self-sacrifice that a nuclear-family or original parent hopefully has. People are selfish. |
Doesn't matter what the custodial parent "asks" for. It matters what the court order says. If you don't want your horrible ex wife demanding that you pay your fair share for the kids you made, don't have kids. Don't get divorced. |
-1! Children have greater needs than adults and more complex ones, so it's perfectly reasonable for a spouse in a second marriage to be expected to give room, attention and time to those needs of the stepchild. Grow up, OP, you knew or should have known what you were getting into before you got married. Here's my advice: support your spouse and try to bond with your stepchild. |
Children are the center of a family and a parent's first responsibility is to them. That commitment also started before the second marriage. A step-parent has to fit themselves into the family as it already exists, which means making sacrifices and supporting the divorced parent's commitment to their children. Until those kids are grown, you have to take second chair. |
Sometimes it's the ex wife that wanted the divorce in the first place. |
But child support factors in the new wife's money too. Which is the ultimate burn: when you can't make any decisions but still have to fork over the money. |
Not all biological parents can be relied on to consistently act in the best interests of the children either. Many of them are out to win and get as much as they can from the ex. |
My husband's step-mother sent him and his brother to military boarding school. Once they were 18, she kicked them out of the house and told them not to come back, not even for Christmas break in college. FIL paid for college, thankfully. DH worked in the summer to support himself. |
I'm a step mom with three step kids and a bio kid. Kids always come first because they are kids. They need shelter and protection and guidance. Adults can create that for themselves. Kids can't. (Healthy) adults are self-actualized. Kid are still being formed. And we want them to grow up to be healthy, happy, productive, and kind. I'm already that. Let's focus on the kids here. All of them. |
Don't marry a divorced guy. |
I could never stay in a relationship where one person "calls the shots." Its equality or nothing. As for the first wife, she's the mother of the stepchild, who should be the focus. What I find disturbing is the childish way some second wives use the stepchild to pick fights with first wives, rather than focusing on BIOC -- the best interests of the child. As parents and step-parents, our focus should be on the child's needs. It's also poignant to remember that in almost every case, the child's financial situation plummets into near poverty after a divorce. Only in a tiny percentage of cases are children of divorce even mildly better off financially. Don't believe me? Google it like the grownups you all claim to be. |
A point irrelevant to the needs of the child under this scenario. |
That situation calls for a good lawyer to clarify child support issues, which are ongoing under the law. If a child needs more support than is currently given, a court will order an increase in child support. |
Because they are kids. Right? This is not hard. |