Married men of DCUM: WHY did you propose to your gf when you did?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We'd only been dating a few weeks, but her super religious family brought it up in an attempt to get rid of me. They thought I would lead her to "sin." I was 20 and dumb when they suggested we get married after about a month of dating. They wanted to prove I was up to no good, but I called their bluff. We got married three months later.

How long have you been married?

[Anonymous]

DW here. DH proposed 10 days into dating. On our 3rd date which was on day 4 we talked about how we felt about marriage and how many kids we wanted. So he knew I was open to marriage but no pressure. Married almost 20 years now.

If you'd ask him why he'd say he knew I was his soul mate. He is kinda a hopeless romantic like that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Any guys tell their GF that they would propose 'someday' even though you knew you would never marry her?

No, although I was in two LTRs which began with an expectation that we were both looking for a marriage, and which got to the engagement stage, and ultimately failed. I was at the point of being ready to ask, and both of them did some crazy shit that scared the hell out of me, and made me re-think it. I had even asked the father of one girl for his blessing/permission (just being traditional) while she was travelling, with the idea of asking her when she got back from her trip. Apparently he told her I'd asked, and when she got back, she unloaded a whole bag of relationship-sabotaging nutty on me that stopped me cold in my tracks. I should've ended it there, but I let it drag on dying a slow painful death for another 10 months. Just heart break...I really loved her, but yeesh.

Father was a douche.

PP here answering both follow ups. Yes, the father was a douche, but I don't believe he sabotaged it - I think he was pretty supportive of me. I don't know for sure, but he seemed thrilled someone had asked her.

What she did? Because her father was a douche and had been a terrible parent, she had major trust issues around men. Specifically what she did was start to badger me about "working on the relationship" which meant interrogating me to come up with things I thought were inadequate about the relationship in order to demonstrate that I was serious about "working through things"..but it was nutty because there really weren't too many things that were wrong...not everything was perfect, but no relationship is ever 100% perfect. For a while we were supposed to have a weekly relationship meeting where I was supposed to come up with at least one thing...it was...nutty. And that became a problem in and of itself. And honestly, anyone who's that convinced there are issues to be worked on...is not ready to marry you (me)...and so I cooled way off and pulled back. Predictably this set off a feedback loop that did not go in a desirable direction.

After I recovered from the heartbreak and started dating casually - not even with serious intent - I met my now-wife. I knew it was right because it took like 1% of the work and effort..she loves me, is into me (as I am into her) and just talking about getting married didn't require quasi-therapy for six months. Relationships require work but if it is mostly work, most of the time, then you're trying too hard with the wrong person.