Married men of DCUM: WHY did you propose to your gf when you did?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm interested to know how many guys proposed because their girlfriend had a 'sh!t or get off the pot' conversation with them.

I did, although it wasn't put to me by my GF (now DW) as shit or get off the pot. More of "this is what I want in life, married, kids by mid-30s, and if you wan't something different, I need to move on"

We were both late 20s when she said that to me, dating 4 years. Honestly, marriage just wasn't on my radar, but her bringing it up made me choose whether I wanted her to be my wife or to chance it and be single again. We are happily married, 2 kids.

I think women should push for this if they want a marriage and family by a certain date. Relationships start to lose their passion around the 3-5 year mark. I have seen plenty of men waste a woman's prime dating years (20s, early 30s) dating, only to have the relationship lose their passion as many relationships do through no fault of anyone (see all the threads on women who love their men but no longer have the urge for frequent sex. Men in that situation - single, no kids - may move on without the frequent sex or marriage and kids holding them together . Then the man's eye wanders to a new relationship leaving the woman single without a large pool of eligible men.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm interested to know how many guys proposed because their girlfriend had a 'sh!t or get off the pot' conversation with them.

What does that even mean?

I think the girl must have been into scat play and wanted him to crap on her face....

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why did you propose to your girlfriend when you did? Was she giving hints? Did you want to or did you feel like you had no choice?

She proposed to me... the idea that men propose to women is gendered, anti-feminist, and just really fucking weird.

she thought while pouting that nobody was proposing to her....

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Her visa was expiring.

But hey! 8 years and 2 kids later we're still happy.

Would you have married her if it wasnt?

[Anonymous]

it was the least worst option at the time
thats the only reason any man ever proposes

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm interested to know how many guys proposed because their girlfriend had a 'sh!t or get off the pot' conversation with them.

I did, although it wasn't put to me by my GF (now DW) as shit or get off the pot. More of "this is what I want in life, married, kids by mid-30s, and if you wan't something different, I need to move on"

We were both late 20s when she said that to me, dating 4 years. Honestly, marriage just wasn't on my radar, but her bringing it up made me choose whether I wanted her to be my wife or to chance it and be single again. We are happily married, 2 kids.

I think women should push for this if they want a marriage and family by a certain date. Relationships start to lose their passion around the 3-5 year mark. I have seen plenty of men waste a woman's prime dating years (20s, early 30s) dating, only to have the relationship lose their passion as many relationships do through no fault of anyone (see all the threads on women who love their men but no longer have the urge for frequent sex. Men in that situation - single, no kids - may move on without the frequent sex or marriage and kids holding them together . Then the man's eye wanders to a new relationship leaving the woman single without a large pool of eligible men.

+1. This was how it went down in our relationship - right from the start it was clear what each of our expectations and goals were. While it was totally fine if I wasn't ready to settle down, she was and didn't want to waste time long term with someone who didn't.

[Anonymous]

Because we got pregnant.

I knew that I wanted to ask her, but that was the reason at the time.

It's been 10 years so I'd say we've worked out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Because we got pregnant.

I knew that I wanted to ask her, but that was the reason at the time.

It's been 10 years so I'd say we've worked out.

it would have been more polite for her to check with you first rather than roping you into marriage this way

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm interested to know how many guys proposed because their girlfriend had a 'sh!t or get off the pot' conversation with them.

I did, although it wasn't put to me by my GF (now DW) as shit or get off the pot. More of "this is what I want in life, married, kids by mid-30s, and if you wan't something different, I need to move on"

We were both late 20s when she said that to me, dating 4 years. Honestly, marriage just wasn't on my radar, but her bringing it up made me choose whether I wanted her to be my wife or to chance it and be single again. We are happily married, 2 kids.

I think women should push for this if they want a marriage and family by a certain date. Relationships start to lose their passion around the 3-5 year mark. I have seen plenty of men waste a woman's prime dating years (20s, early 30s) dating, only to have the relationship lose their passion as many relationships do through no fault of anyone (see all the threads on women who love their men but no longer have the urge for frequent sex. Men in that situation - single, no kids - may move on without the frequent sex or marriage and kids holding them together . Then the man's eye wanders to a new relationship leaving the woman single without a large pool of eligible men.

This was us too. We had been dating for 6 years and I wanted to be married and have kids before a certain age. So I pretty much gave him an ultimatum. Either we get married or I move on. It's been 10 years and we're still happy ?

+1. This was how it went down in our relationship - right from the start it was clear what each of our expectations and goals were. While it was totally fine if I wasn't ready to settle down, she was and didn't want to waste time long term with someone who didn't.

[Anonymous]

LOL, 10:18. Some people are fertile enough that they actually get pregnant in spite of trying not to get pregnant. Like me. I certainly wasn't trying to rope in a husband when I got pregnant the first time I had sex with my now-ex, using protection. it was a big f*cking disaster, actually, but turned out ok in the end because I got a great kid out of it, and the ex turned into a great co-parent. (but not a spouse.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:LOL, 10:18. Some people are fertile enough that they actually get pregnant in spite of trying not to get pregnant. Like me. I certainly wasn't trying to rope in a husband when I got pregnant the first time I had sex with my now-ex, using protection. it was a big f*cking disaster, actually, but turned out ok in the end because I got a great kid out of it, and the ex turned into a great co-parent. (but not a spouse.)

The important thing is that your kid knows his parents once loved each other and despite their differences are totally devoted to the upbringing.

[Anonymous]

At least with a few of my friends, the guys get to the point of late 20s, have had two or three serious girlfriends, getting tired of the scene, and meet someone with the right mix of tangibles and intangibles. After about a year of dating, start talking about marriage, then engaged around eighteen months.

[Anonymous]

From the start of the relationship I made it pretty clear I was looking to get married and have a family. DW said she'd kind of let go of that particular goal, but wasn't at all averse to it - she wasn't looking for that, but happy to find it. So, the idea was there from the beginning of the relationship.

We dated for a year because even though it was pretty clear right off that we got on well, and was really clear 3-4 months in that we were an excellent fit and "right" for each other, it just seemed sensible to give dating a year before actually getting engaged.

What finally tipped me into asking was that we were able to have our first big "conflict" (job|career and where to live) and get through it in a really mature and productive way. After that I knew I was dealing with an adult who I could trust to "fight fair" and who would be a partner in finding a solution that took care of my needs and her needs. Every previous relationship (including a marriage) had involved women who weren't able to do that, and were immature and insecure. The situation meant we were in an LDR for a little over a year, and I proposed about a month after she had moved for a new job (and didn't freak out about us being in an LDR).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:From the start of the relationship I made it pretty clear I was looking to get married and have a family. DW said she'd kind of let go of that particular goal, but wasn't at all averse to it - she wasn't looking for that, but happy to find it. So, the idea was there from the beginning of the relationship.

We dated for a year because even though it was pretty clear right off that we got on well, and was really clear 3-4 months in that we were an excellent fit and "right" for each other, it just seemed sensible to give dating a year before actually getting engaged.

What finally tipped me into asking was that we were able to have our first big "conflict" (job|career and where to live) and get through it in a really mature and productive way. After that I knew I was dealing with an adult who I could trust to "fight fair" and who would be a partner in finding a solution that took care of my needs and her needs. Every previous relationship (including a marriage) had involved women who weren't able to do that, and were immature and insecure. The situation meant we were in an LDR for a little over a year, and I proposed about a month after she had moved for a new job (and didn't freak out about us being in an LDR).

How old were you guys?

[Anonymous]

I knew she was the one pretty early on, but was being obstinate. She got pregnant but no one ever suggested a shotgun wedding. I went out with a female friend who there was some mutual attraction for and thought about the two paths my life could take. I couldn't risk becoming a baby-daddy and decided to accelerate my decision making process. I talked it over with my mom who gave her blessing, then I talked with her father who gave his.