Fundamentalist "Believers" next door pressuring us

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We like our next-door neighbors well enough; they seem mostly responsible, maintain their house and yard nicely and would help us w/ something small if we needed it (collect mail if out of town, etc.) Our children play together outside (no fences) and we bring their daughter with us sometimes to do fun things b/c the mom decides to stay at home a lot with the younger two we think because she finds it difficult to manage them out in public and because she is pregnant with her 4th baby. So the oldest who is close to our 2 kids' age can get out into the world some with us. Lately its hard to have this child around because she presses us on our church attendance and constantly invites us to attend her family's church events and ask us if we've found a church yet. The parents also ask us if we've found a church here yet. We are always shocked by this. We've moved to the area a year ago and just haven't decided yet where to go or even how often to go. Its absolutely none of their business. We are both Christian families but ours is a very different denomination. They are fundamentalist "believers". We are Episcopalians. To them it seems we might as well be non-Christian. It is getting really annoying. They seem to be under instruction to "recruit" us. Our denomination approaches religion as a private matter. The mother taught vacation bible school this summer and asked if our kids could go. She rarely issues any sort of invitation or initiates conversation but with this she was very strong. Our kids had tennis camp scheduled that week so couldn't go. The family didn't talk to us for a few weeks afterward (we didn't miss them!) Now the kids come over again and the daughter continues to ask why we didn't attend VBS as though its highly personal to her (she is 7). This weekend I finally said: "your mother already knows why the boys could not go so please ask her and quit asking us - the boys had tennis camp - leave it alone!" She said "well they didn't have tennis camp every day!" In fact they did - so what, were they watching our comings and goings that week? Its getting weird and delusional. Additionally, the two younger children do not get out much and the toddler they think is the cutest human ever has horrible social skills and breaks things in our yard and has tantrums. Mom stays home - literally - and seems to mostly keep them at home with her, until our sons get home then she lets the toddler loose and he heads to our house. They do get out to church meetings/services/events. Does anyone know if this has to do with believers beliefs? Is the outside world beyond the church threatening? Are environments where you are surrounded only by people who agree with you the only "safe" and therefore ok ones? Our family views the worlds completely differently - embrace differences as they give life texture and interest. We are excellent neighbors by any standard and they would agree to that. We are very giving with them including giving them hand-me downs we could sell, little presents now and then, taking the daughter with us hiking, looking after their dog when they were out of town. Our sons are very well behaved and have excellent manners (everyone says so) and are trying to be patient with all the religion questioning. So far they just change the subject when it comes up. This family doesn't do much for us in return (we don't ask them for anything), and this nagging is increasing. We're anticipating this negative stuff to increase when the new baby arrives, as it seems to be increasing as the pregnancy advances. Please advise.

This is not a forum for self-publishing a poorly written novella.

Apparently, it's a forum for delivering petty insults

If you want an answer, then write clearly.

'nuff said

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We like our next-door neighbors well enough; they seem mostly responsible, maintain their house and yard nicely and would help us w/ something small if we needed it (collect mail if out of town, etc.) Our children play together outside (no fences) and we bring their daughter with us sometimes to do fun things b/c the mom decides to stay at home a lot with the younger two we think because she finds it difficult to manage them out in public and because she is pregnant with her 4th baby. So the oldest who is close to our 2 kids' age can get out into the world some with us. Lately its hard to have this child around because she presses us on our church attendance and constantly invites us to attend her family's church events and ask us if we've found a church yet. The parents also ask us if we've found a church here yet. We are always shocked by this. We've moved to the area a year ago and just haven't decided yet where to go or even how often to go. Its absolutely none of their business. We are both Christian families but ours is a very different denomination. They are fundamentalist "believers". We are Episcopalians. To them it seems we might as well be non-Christian. It is getting really annoying. They seem to be under instruction to "recruit" us. Our denomination approaches religion as a private matter. The mother taught vacation bible school this summer and asked if our kids could go. She rarely issues any sort of invitation or initiates conversation but with this she was very strong. Our kids had tennis camp scheduled that week so couldn't go. The family didn't talk to us for a few weeks afterward (we didn't miss them!) Now the kids come over again and the daughter continues to ask why we didn't attend VBS as though its highly personal to her (she is 7). This weekend I finally said: "your mother already knows why the boys could not go so please ask her and quit asking us - the boys had tennis camp - leave it alone!" She said "well they didn't have tennis camp every day!" In fact they did - so what, were they watching our comings and goings that week? Its getting weird and delusional. Additionally, the two younger children do not get out much and the toddler they think is the cutest human ever has horrible social skills and breaks things in our yard and has tantrums. Mom stays home - literally - and seems to mostly keep them at home with her, until our sons get home then she lets the toddler loose and he heads to our house. They do get out to church meetings/services/events. Does anyone know if this has to do with believers beliefs? Is the outside world beyond the church threatening? Are environments where you are surrounded only by people who agree with you the only "safe" and therefore ok ones? Our family views the worlds completely differently - embrace differences as they give life texture and interest. We are excellent neighbors by any standard and they would agree to that. We are very giving with them including giving them hand-me downs we could sell, little presents now and then, taking the daughter with us hiking, looking after their dog when they were out of town. Our sons are very well behaved and have excellent manners (everyone says so) and are trying to be patient with all the religion questioning. So far they just change the subject when it comes up. This family doesn't do much for us in return (we don't ask them for anything), and this nagging is increasing. We're anticipating this negative stuff to increase when the new baby arrives, as it seems to be increasing as the pregnancy advances. Please advise.

This is not a forum for self-publishing a poorly written novella.

Apparently, it's a forum for delivering petty insults

If you want an answer, then write clearly.

'nuff said

OP got 4 pages of responses before this insult.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We like our next-door neighbors well enough; they seem mostly responsible, maintain their house and yard nicely and would help us w/ something small if we needed it (collect mail if out of town, etc.) Our children play together outside (no fences) and we bring their daughter with us sometimes to do fun things b/c the mom decides to stay at home a lot with the younger two we think because she finds it difficult to manage them out in public and because she is pregnant with her 4th baby. So the oldest who is close to our 2 kids' age can get out into the world some with us. Lately its hard to have this child around because she presses us on our church attendance and constantly invites us to attend her family's church events and ask us if we've found a church yet. The parents also ask us if we've found a church here yet. We are always shocked by this. We've moved to the area a year ago and just haven't decided yet where to go or even how often to go. Its absolutely none of their business. We are both Christian families but ours is a very different denomination. They are fundamentalist "believers". We are Episcopalians. To them it seems we might as well be non-Christian. It is getting really annoying. They seem to be under instruction to "recruit" us. Our denomination approaches religion as a private matter. The mother taught vacation bible school this summer and asked if our kids could go. She rarely issues any sort of invitation or initiates conversation but with this she was very strong. Our kids had tennis camp scheduled that week so couldn't go. The family didn't talk to us for a few weeks afterward (we didn't miss them!) Now the kids come over again and the daughter continues to ask why we didn't attend VBS as though its highly personal to her (she is 7). This weekend I finally said: "your mother already knows why the boys could not go so please ask her and quit asking us - the boys had tennis camp - leave it alone!" She said "well they didn't have tennis camp every day!" In fact they did - so what, were they watching our comings and goings that week? Its getting weird and delusional. Additionally, the two younger children do not get out much and the toddler they think is the cutest human ever has horrible social skills and breaks things in our yard and has tantrums. Mom stays home - literally - and seems to mostly keep them at home with her, until our sons get home then she lets the toddler loose and he heads to our house. They do get out to church meetings/services/events. Does anyone know if this has to do with believers beliefs? Is the outside world beyond the church threatening? Are environments where you are surrounded only by people who agree with you the only "safe" and therefore ok ones? Our family views the worlds completely differently - embrace differences as they give life texture and interest. We are excellent neighbors by any standard and they would agree to that. We are very giving with them including giving them hand-me downs we could sell, little presents now and then, taking the daughter with us hiking, looking after their dog when they were out of town. Our sons are very well behaved and have excellent manners (everyone says so) and are trying to be patient with all the religion questioning. So far they just change the subject when it comes up. This family doesn't do much for us in return (we don't ask them for anything), and this nagging is increasing. We're anticipating this negative stuff to increase when the new baby arrives, as it seems to be increasing as the pregnancy advances. Please advise.

This is not a forum for self-publishing a poorly written novella.

Apparently, it's a forum for delivering petty insults

If you want an answer, then write clearly.

'nuff said

This forum is for support. You clearly can not provide emotional suppprt, so get therapy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Whoa OP.

You lost my sympathy at your last few posts. You went from reasonable to horrific and judgemental in just a few taps on the keyboard.

You still have my sympathy, OP, because I have been there and I know you are just frustrated and venting. Vent away, thats what anonymous forums are for.

I have a Christian fundamentalist family in my neighborhood and their kids have tried preaching to my children and to the children of a jewish family in the neighborhood too.

The Jewish family seemed a bit upset. I am not overly bothered because I know those kids mean well. Their christian fundamentalist faith asks them do that. We are a practicing Muslim family. When their son tried to preach to my son, he just said, "We are Muslim and we have different beliefs than you."

That ended it.

Just tell them you are not looking for any church right now. If they invite you to any church activity, simply decline. I would remain patient because they are your neighbor and they don't mean any harm.

OP here, this is great and kind advice thank you! I'm grateful for the useful resources I've learned about on this post. PP re. your neighborhood; yes its similar! Personally I would never bring up my religion off-holiday to anyone unless they were seeking information for themselves. I might be able to understand if someone brought up their own religion once with the goal of seeing if someone might be interested in learning more (especially a child). Constant uninvited conversations - not OK. So thanks everyone for helping understand how to stop this. But must remember not to judge them in turn - its easy to slip into and so negative and wrong.

I grew up with lots of Jewish and Christian kids of all denominations and we all had fun with one another's religions which sounds crazy today but we did. We joked about one another's religions in fun, harmless-at-the-time ways but really were supportive. I won't even relay any of the stories here b/c someone would undoubtedly be really offended! Everyone was proud of his or her religious communities and quite involved but there was no prosyletizing from anyone. I NEVER knew creepiness in the name of religion growing up. Ever.

There's a gorgeous novel - Birds Without Wings by Louis de Bernieres about end of Ottoman Empire and all the mixing of religions in communities and tragic illustrations of how tolerance and acceptance broke down as the territories got divided by up by world powers. Box of tissues necessary......but you won't regret reading it!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm a Catholic and often get repeat invites from non-denominational Christian neighbors and friends to join their churches. A cheerful, but firm "We're happy with our faith." works for me.

Thanks I appreciate the advice and you're all right. I should add that we do say things like this. Probably not firmly enough. And the Repeat is important. And we need to have our kids do the same; lately they're getting the most pressure from them.

That would anger me. Do not approach my children about religion and certainly do not harass them. That is WAY over the line!