Was I wrong to let DS to spend three weeks in Europe with his girlfriend?

[Anonymous]

What does "Europe" have to do with any of this? Your son went on a trip with his girlfriend; you didn't accompany him. They could have gone camping in Appalachia: would your concern have been less just because they were in the US?

We let our son spend a summer in the US with his cousins two years ago. When I expressed my worry about him, I didn't emphasize the geographic location of his trip as a reason for my concern.

[Anonymous]

My two oldest children left for college when they were 16. Both went across the country. Whatever they did, they did. I drummed into them all about being safe, being respectful.

SInce you said you don't believe in pre-marital sex, I am assuming you are Christian. Maybe you told friends or acquaintances who are "more religious" than you are and that's why you're getting surprise. In my experience, the more religious or more loud about religion, the more uptight.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:NP here - to all those supporting this decision, would you feel the same if a seventeen year old daughter was going to Europe to visit her boyfriend and his extended family for three weeks? Remember this is a family that OP has never laid eyes on before.

Good point.

I don't disagree that letting him go was the right decision, but they absolutely positively did have sex. That was probably the main reason he wanted to go. That's how all 17 y/o boys think, regardless of how their mothers raised them. Anyone who thinks otherwise is naive.

You don't need to go to Europe to have sex.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

OP here and I am not discussing details of his trip - DS is. Just in telling about the various places he and the girlfriend went and what they did, it is evident that they were alone. I agree 100% it is his business, including whether or not he is sexually active, but my question is whether or not we made the right decision in letting him go.

If you didn't, it's too late now anyway. Move on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DS is 17 and a good kid. This summer his girlfriend went to Europe for summer school and to visit relatives. DS was home and took a college course and worked full-time. For the last three weeks of the summer, DS flew over to spend with the girlfriend and her family. It was his first trip to Europe and he paid for the plane ticket himself. He came back, had an amazing time, and all is well... or so I thought...

However, now everyone is raising eyebrows that we allowed DS to go. While it did turn out that they had more alone time than I thought they would, I still think it was a great experience for him. He and the girlfriend are close/serious but still planning to attend colleges on different coasts.

Were we wrong? Yes, it has occurred to us that they may have had sex but that could have happened at home as well.

You are every shade of awesome. I'd love to have the opportunity to do the same when mine are older.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:NP here - to all those supporting this decision, would you feel the same if a seventeen year old daughter was going to Europe to visit her boyfriend and his extended family for three weeks? Remember this is a family that OP has never laid eyes on before.

Good point.

I don't disagree that letting him go was the right decision, but they absolutely positively did have sex. That was probably the main reason he wanted to go. That's how all 17 y/o boys think, regardless of how their mothers raised them. Anyone who thinks otherwise is naive.

You don't need to go to Europe to have sex.

With my children, I'd be MUCH more comfortable with DD going. DS wears his heart on his sleeve. I shiver at the thought of his heartache, all the bad poetry and angst. DD is a sensible broad in the making.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:NP here - to all those supporting this decision, would you feel the same if a seventeen year old daughter was going to Europe to visit her boyfriend and his extended family for three weeks? Remember this is a family that OP has never laid eyes on before.

Good point.

I don't disagree that letting him go was the right decision, but they absolutely positively did have sex. That was probably the main reason he wanted to go. That's how all 17 y/o boys think, regardless of how their mothers raised them. Anyone who thinks otherwise is naive.

You don't need to go to Europe to have sex.

"Going to Europe" is a euphemism for a sexual act.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I never would have let my kid go. He is a teen. Of course they had sex.

Which wasn't already happening in the US?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I never would have let my kid go. He is a teen. Of course they had sex.

Which wasn't already happening in the US?

Exactly. And so what if they are having sex? It's not unusual for that age and they're presumably smart enough to be safe about it. The idea that sending the kid to Europe ignited a sexual relationship where one didn't exist before is a little silly. I would have let me 17 yo go as well (as long as I trusted and liked the other parents and girlfriend) and considered it a great opportunity to see another part of the world.

[Anonymous]

Congratulations for giving your 17 year old an awesome experience that may set him up for a lifetime of travel and international involvement.

[Anonymous]

I think you made a great decision. I'm sure the parents making comments are jealous because they can't or won't allow their children such opportunities. How is spending time alone in Europe any different than the two of them alone for an evening here at home? Stop beating yourself up. Your doing a great job parenting. On my phone so sorry for any typos.

[Anonymous]

OP, I think it is GREAT that you let him go!!!! Lucky kid!

[Anonymous]

Whether you made the right decision or not is irrelevant because its over and done with. As they say, "You can't put the shit back in the horse." You did what you thought was best and you need to trust your parenting, and your son. But if you really need to know if you made the right decision, wait 9 mos. Then you'll know for sure.

[Anonymous]

It sounds like a wonderful experience, OP.

Just want to challenge (not hostilely, just for discussion's sake) this seemingly unanimous declaration that his personal life is none of your business.

I think as long as someone is living under your roof and is not paying rent, there is no *right* to privacy, or *right* to act in ways that you the parent don't approve of. Of course it's not a good idea to be a nosey mom, and if it were me, I would allow a lot of freedom (including this trip), but I'm just saying that it's not a RIGHT, but a privilege, and ultimately, it IS our business if we choose for it to be. We're still raising a kid, and providing the kid with freebees. When they are out on their own, making their own money, doing their own laundry, etc…then they are finally adults and have earned their freedom to act however they want without threat of parental repercussions.

[Anonymous]

Yes, you made the right decision.