Do I need to do something or is other mom over reacting?

[Anonymous]

This is a good time to make sure your daughter or son of this age understands safe sex.

Heck at 14 (m) I was already having sex with 14 (f) in 9th grade. Kids have sex. Thankfully we had the type of parents who left a bin of condoms under our sinks with no questions asked so we would be safe kids.

[Anonymous]

We will have a discussion. I will make sure DD understands that you can't get preg from oral sex, but you can get STD's.

[Anonymous]

Well done on having a reasonable conversation with the other mom! Gives me hope.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I talked to DD. The context mattered, I figured. She said that it sounded gross and disgusting, and it was (my words) in the context of gross things people do. I was worried that she would ask me if I ever did it, but fortunately, I am asexual (in her mind).

I then called friends mom (whom I am friendly with). I told her I was not aware of this, thanks for bringing to my attention. I let her know that DD talked about it as gross things people do; the friends mom agreed that that fit in the context of what she heard. I mentioned, mostly because of the cultural difference (they are 1st generation Indian Americans), that this type of thing seems to be age appropriate here. I learned about this in the 7th grade. We then joked about our girls growing up.

We have known them since the girls were in the second grade. I do not think it will be a problem. And, the girls have made plans to get together later this week.

Awesome! Glad to hear it went well.

[Anonymous]

This whole thread makes me laugh. Of course 13 yo girls know about these things and talk about them.

Option B is the best. Do not pander to the other mother and act as if your DD did something wrong.

If you want to sound conciliatory, congratulate her on her relationship with her DD.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Well done on having a reasonable conversation with the other mom! Gives me hope.

+1 well done, op. You Hadley's this really well.

[Anonymous]

I am weighing in late but have to add a funny annecdote that confirms this is age-appropriate info to have. My niece lives in the mid-west in a conservative small town. She came home from 9th grade mortified and furious that her mom (my sister) had not told her what 69 was. It seems all the boys thought it was awseome to post the 69th "like" on istagram and made a big show of being the 69th. My niece then asked a huge group of kids at lunch what the big deal with 69th was? She was soo embarassed by the answer and was mad she was so uninformed. "I can't believe you didn't tell me that . . . "

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I talked to DD. The context mattered, I figured. She said that it sounded gross and disgusting, and it was (my words) in the context of gross things people do. I was worried that she would ask me if I ever did it, but fortunately, I am asexual (in her mind).

I then called friends mom (whom I am friendly with). I told her I was not aware of this, thanks for bringing to my attention. I let her know that DD talked about it as gross things people do; the friends mom agreed that that fit in the context of what she heard. I mentioned, mostly because of the cultural difference (they are 1st generation Indian Americans), that this type of thing seems to be age appropriate here. I learned about this in the 7th grade. We then joked about our girls growing up.

We have known them since the girls were in the second grade. I do not think it will be a problem. And, the girls have made plans to get together later this week.

Class act. Good job!

[Anonymous]

I do not intend to share this information with my three boys. They can learn it on the playground like I did.

[Anonymous]

Not to freak you out... but, in 8th grade some girls are sexually active. You really need to sit your daughter down and discuss some of these things she is going to hear.

I was shocked to find out BJ's are pretty common in 9th grade and by common I don't mean >50% of the kids are doing it but every weekend somebody gave somebody else a BJ. (Yes I read my kids text msgs.)

Your daughter needs to understand self respect and this is not okay and at the same time not to slut shame any girls, mostly they are just insecure and trying to be the "cool" kid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you defended the act and acted like it was nbd, I would feel that your family is not one I want my kid around too much, and would try to distance her.

I don't think you need to apologize profusely. But I think you should just say thanks for bringing it to my attention to diffuse the situation. If she escalates, I think you and she should talk about it in person or distance yourselves from each other.

+1 I would also wonder where your daughter got this information if my daughter is a daily friend of hers.

Were you a 13-year-old in the US? Kids talk. Also, there is the Internet. I had certainly heard about BJs and 69 from other kids by the time I was 13, and that was long before the Internet.

If you don't want your kid to hear about anything from other kids -- well, that won't work, unless you isolate your kid from all other kids.

If you want your kid to get reliable information, make sure that your kid doesn't get their information solely from other kids.

+1

My first thought is that the other mother is a foreign helicopter mom.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This whole thread makes me laugh. Of course 13 yo girls know about these things and talk about them.

Option B is the best. Do not pander to the other mother and act as if your DD did something wrong.

If you want to sound conciliatory, congratulate her on her relationship with her DD.

+1

The other mother (IME) would never "feel bad" in response to your over reacting. It might just make her more crazy about the situation.

You handled it well, and the other mother sounds to be keeping the situation *in perspective*, OP. This is so important in raising children!