Do I need to do something or is other mom over reacting?

[Anonymous]

OP here. DD's fiends daughter did not share it. Rather, they were in friends room and Friends mom was ease dropping. DD did say she heard it at camp.

I should mention DD's friend is from another culture, so they may not realize the norms in this country. DD has been friends with this child for 6 years now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Option B.

Then teach your daughter how to use her filter.

Yes. This.

As for "do this so that the other mom does that" -- all I can say is the GIRLS are in middle school, not the moms.

As for "ignore" -- no one likes to be ignored.

As for C - leave it to that mom to parent as she sees fit. You are correct, though, that this is the age it happens and if it wasn't your daughter it would have been someone else's.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My 13 yo DD came back from summer camp with new knowledge, apparently. She shared it with her friends. Now, her friends mom emailed us to tell me that DD was talking about inappropriate things. Specifically, BJ's and 69. In my mind, that is age appropriate; it was the age I learned about the concepts. And this is how I learned. And, at 13, I though it was gross. What if he peed? Isn't it dirty? (those where my thoughts).

I have not responded to the email. I am thinking of responding it is the right age to hear about this. There is probably a few years before either kid will be in a situation where this will occur (DD is not allowed one-on-one dates until she is 16, though I might relax it later). FWIW, these kids are going into 8th grade next year. Neither girl has shown significant interest in boys yet.

Does this sound age appropriate? Or am I behind/ahead of the curve?

It is then normal age that kids learn or hear about this stuff, and actually can visualize what it means. I am 37, so some 25 years ago was when I learned what oral sex was, and understand what it meant. I was fascinated, but didn't act on it until years later.

I would email the mom and say that you will talk to DD, and thanks for letting her know. Do not tell the mom that this is the right age for this. Then yes, work on DDs filter.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. DD's fiends daughter did not share it. Rather, they were in friends room and Friends mom was ease dropping. DD did say she heard it at camp.

I should mention DD's friend is from another culture, so they may not realize the norms in this country. DD has been friends with this child for 6 years now.

Also be prepared and prepare daughter for the possibility of being held at arms length by the friend going forward.

[Anonymous]

Other mom is over reacting. But, if you don't at least say something like "thank you for letting me know", I bet your daughter will not be friends with this girl for much longer. As to what I would say to my daughter - only to be more careful about talking about sex where the other girl's mom can hear. It's fine, IMO, that she talks about sex to her friends so I would 't necessarily squelch that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Option B.

Then teach your daughter how to use her filter.

Yes, we dealt with this by explaining to dd that talking about sex with her friends at school was like telling kids at a younger age that there was no Santa Claus. Some kids are not ready to hear it yet (or their parents aren't ready yet, whatever) so defer.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The girl told her mother ? That's cray cray. I remember being in 8th grade and being told about 69 I was like people do that mind was blown at 14

No, that's GREAT. Kids should bring these things to their parents' attention so that the parent can discuss it with them. Too bad the mom was actually eavesdropping instead. Sounds like they've got a GREAT relationship and her mom's just making it that much greater by telling OP. <sarcasm>

[Anonymous]

I have to laugh. This was definitely the kind of conversations I was having with other girls at age 13-14. But some families are so square. I had one friend in high school (sweet girl) whose mother was a high school teacher. You'd think a high school teacher would have seen it all, but she told me this story about the time she confiscated a book the kids were passing around in class that had several pages bookmarked. Of course the book was pure smut and she was shocked beyond belief that high school kids were reading this stuff. Really?

[Anonymous]

Totally age appropriate. Thank her and don't foster the friendship going forward, as it's clear this other mom is trying to paint your poor kid into the bad guy for standard 14 year old sleepover gossip. Sad.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have to laugh. This was definitely the kind of conversations I was having with other girls at age 13-14. But some families are so square. I had one friend in high school (sweet girl) whose mother was a high school teacher. You'd think a high school teacher would have seen it all, but she told me this story about the time she confiscated a book the kids were passing around in class that had several pages bookmarked. Of course the book was pure smut and she was shocked beyond belief that high school kids were reading this stuff. Really?

lol, we did the same with Judy Blume's "Forever," in 5th grade.

[Anonymous]

If you value your children's friendship, you take the high road at option c. If not, be prepared for the friendship to be terminate by the parents outside of school. Normal yes, but I would not be ok with another child having an explicit conversation at 13 (16 fine, 13, NO) with my child and in less I could trust that you will supervise and support your (and my child) I would not allow my child to go to your home nor welcome yours into mine anymore.

Different parents have different standards. Part of parenting is teaching kids to respect those differences and support others in their choices even if you do not agree. What may be ok for your child may not be ok for theirs.

[Anonymous]

I think I first heard about BJs and 69 in 6th grade. I was a shy, introvert who just happened to get in on some playground gossip. At first it was like - "Ew. People do that? Gross. I'll never do that!" But it felt cool and grown up to at least know about it and, yes, I shared/gossiped/giggled about it throughout middle school at least.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My 13 yo DD came back from summer camp with new knowledge, apparently. She shared it with her friends. Now, her friends mom emailed us to tell me that DD was talking about inappropriate things. Specifically, BJ's and 69. In my mind, that is age appropriate; it was the age I learned about the concepts. And this is how I learned. And, at 13, I though it was gross. What if he peed? Isn't it dirty? (those where my thoughts).

I have not responded to the email. I am thinking of responding it is the right age to hear about this. There is probably a few years before either kid will be in a situation where this will occur (DD is not allowed one-on-one dates until she is 16, though I might relax it later). FWIW, these kids are going into 8th grade next year. Neither girl has shown significant interest in boys yet.

Does this sound age appropriate? Or am I behind/ahead of the curve?

Option A: Continue to ignore the email.

Option B: Quick response: "Hey Bertha, thanks for letting me know. Best, Ruthie."

Option C: Apologize profusely and overreact so she feels embarrassed for making you feel so embarrassed.

+1 But I would be so tempted say when you eavesdrop you ear lots of things that you would rather not!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you defended the act and acted like it was nbd, I would feel that your family is not one I want my kid around too much, and would try to distance her.

I don't think you need to apologize profusely. But I think you should just say thanks for bringing it to my attention to diffuse the situation. If she escalates, I think you and she should talk about it in person or distance yourselves from each other.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you defended the act and acted like it was nbd, I would feel that your family is not one I want my kid around too much, and would try to distance her.

I don't think you need to apologize profusely. But I think you should just say thanks for bringing it to my attention to diffuse the situation. If she escalates, I think you and she should talk about it in person or distance yourselves from each other.

+1 I would also wonder where your daughter got this information if my daughter is a daily friend of hers.

Whoa there, helicopter mom. In the early 90s I looked it up in our huge actual encyclopedia or dictionary book, one of the two. It was in there. I was probably in 7th grade or so.