Friend wants to go on vacation with ex husband.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm in the she should go camp. But, I think all the kids should go. Break baby away from his screen for a free days and suck it up. If the kid is this tough then the whole group of them need to go to family counseling and make him a priority over camping, tensions with the ex, or health problems! Leaving him home with the dad who is fuming his wife is it with her ex and the "enjoyable" kids is just bad parenting. Period.

Not really fair for the ex to have to deal with a kid he doesn't like on a trip that he planned for his own kids.

Then the ex doesn't go with the other kids and his exwife. It's not like he was entitled to that in the first place.

[Anonymous]

I'm surprised ex's current wife doesn't have a problem with this setup. I could see her greenlighting the trip with just the kids but not with their mom tagging along.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm surprised ex's current wife doesn't have a problem with this setup. I could see her greenlighting the trip with just the kids but not with their mom tagging along.

That might be another story.

[Anonymous]

She should go. Nobody is rekindling anything with kids around. A teen to boot.

Second DH should talk to his wife not you. He seems like the issue not your friend. She has a right to go.

[Anonymous]

OP, you included such specific details about your friend. Don't you think you could have outed her?

[Anonymous]

If husband number 2 asks you, I would have said "You know it is hard for me to give a real opinion because I am not involved in this. I know what I think I would do, but like most situations until you're boots are on the ground living it, there is no way to know. I think you need to discuss this with your wife and the two of you figure it out. But it does sound complicated, I hope you come to a resolution that makes everyone comfortable"

So basically STAY OUT OF IT. Even if someone asks, just give a non answer. You can never win in these situations.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If husband number 2 asks you, I would have said "You know it is hard for me to give a real opinion because I am not involved in this. I know what I think I would do, but like most situations until you're boots are on the ground living it, there is no way to know. I think you need to discuss this with your wife and the two of you figure it out. But it does sound complicated, I hope you come to a resolution that makes everyone comfortable"

So basically STAY OUT OF IT. Even if someone asks, just give a non answer. You can never win in these situations.

Best advice and great language. Hard to be this eloquent in the moment sometimes, but strive for this!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If husband number 2 asks you, I would have said "You know it is hard for me to give a real opinion because I am not involved in this. I know what I think I would do, but like most situations until you're boots are on the ground living it, there is no way to know. I think you need to discuss this with your wife and the two of you figure it out. But it does sound complicated, I hope you come to a resolution that makes everyone comfortable"

So basically STAY OUT OF IT. Even if someone asks, just give a non answer. You can never win in these situations.

Best advice and great language. Hard to be this eloquent in the moment sometimes, but strive for this!

OP here. He would have known that I was slapping him down. We don't speak like that. But yes, your words are smooth. .
Anyway, I gave my two cents. I said that it is something they all need to get out of their system. So I encouraged him to let her go. It is not just about her, but it is about the kids. They want to see their parents sitting at the same table (or camp fire). Maybe they will fight and the kids will see the real relationship. To me it is like a long lost child meeting their parent, but only they want to meet their family. The kids love their father since he is organized, and generous, but they also fear him since he is strict. In any normal situation, the presence of another adult, in this case their mother, should soften him.
When I looked at the map of where they plan to hike I was jealous. Ex apparently knows that place like the back of his hand, so it is a hard thing to pass up. Friends husband is ok with his dd accompanying. The case of the left out kid did not come up and he did not seemed too concerned.
I think what bothers him is that it looks bad. I told him, it could make him look good.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, you included such specific details about your friend. Don't you think you could have outed her?

No

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If husband number 2 asks you, I would have said "You know it is hard for me to give a real opinion because I am not involved in this. I know what I think I would do, but like most situations until you're boots are on the ground living it, there is no way to know. I think you need to discuss this with your wife and the two of you figure it out. But it does sound complicated, I hope you come to a resolution that makes everyone comfortable"

So basically STAY OUT OF IT. Even if someone asks, just give a non answer. You can never win in these situations.

Best advice and great language. Hard to be this eloquent in the moment sometimes, but strive for this!

OP here. He would have known that I was slapping him down. We don't speak like that. But yes, your words are smooth. .
Anyway, I gave my two cents. I said that it is something they all need to get out of their system. So I encouraged him to let her go. It is not just about her, but it is about the kids. They want to see their parents sitting at the same table (or camp fire). Maybe they will fight and the kids will see the real relationship. To me it is like a long lost child meeting their parent, but only they want to meet their family. The kids love their father since he is organized, and generous, but they also fear him since he is strict. In any normal situation, the presence of another adult, in this case their mother, should soften him.
When I looked at the map of where they plan to hike I was jealous. Ex apparently knows that place like the back of his hand, so it is a hard thing to pass up. Friends husband is ok with his dd accompanying. The case of the left out kid did not come up and he did not seemed too concerned.
I think what bothers him is that it looks bad. I told him, it could make him look good.

Yikes, too many details and too much consideration from you for a family that isn't yours. You're giving us your analysis of their personalities, interactions, motives, the layout of the park, the emotional investment of all participants.

OP, just put this situation to rest and think about your own life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If husband number 2 asks you, I would have said "You know it is hard for me to give a real opinion because I am not involved in this. I know what I think I would do, but like most situations until you're boots are on the ground living it, there is no way to know. I think you need to discuss this with your wife and the two of you figure it out. But it does sound complicated, I hope you come to a resolution that makes everyone comfortable"

So basically STAY OUT OF IT. Even if someone asks, just give a non answer. You can never win in these situations.

Best advice and great language. Hard to be this eloquent in the moment sometimes, but strive for this!

OP here. He would have known that I was slapping him down. We don't speak like that. But yes, your words are smooth. .
Anyway, I gave my two cents. I said that it is something they all need to get out of their system. So I encouraged him to let her go. It is not just about her, but it is about the kids. They want to see their parents sitting at the same table (or camp fire). Maybe they will fight and the kids will see the real relationship. To me it is like a long lost child meeting their parent, but only they want to meet their family. The kids love their father since he is organized, and generous, but they also fear him since he is strict. In any normal situation, the presence of another adult, in this case their mother, should soften him.
When I looked at the map of where they plan to hike I was jealous. Ex apparently knows that place like the back of his hand, so it is a hard thing to pass up. Friends husband is ok with his dd accompanying. The case of the left out kid did not come up and he did not seemed too concerned.
I think what bothers him is that it looks bad. I told him, it could make him look good.

Yikes, too many details and too much consideration from you for a family that isn't yours. You're giving us your analysis of their personalities, interactions, motives, the layout of the park, the emotional investment of all participants.

OP, just put this situation to rest and think about your own life.

Yes, maybe, I am related to one of the people here. Hence the level of involvement.