my daughter hates religious school

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thanks for weighing in, even those who say, in effect, stop torturing your child. The goal is a Bat Mitzvah at age 12, followed by lots of camps (she's still too young for sleepaway camp right now--she struggles with "sleepovers" at friends' houses, which she craves.) I do think that summer camp gives you the best positive experience, and I'm looking for a good religious summer camp, but she likes the camp she attends now. So. I'm encouraged that so many of us disliked Sunday school, but survived and I guess learned something.

We tried a different synagogue closer to home and it was nice but not for us (too religious/conservative). My parents belong to the synagogue we now attend, which is more our speed (relaxed), and my folks are thrilled that we attend. That's part of why we go. I might try the children's services, even though they are early in the morning. I find them dull, but they're short and sweet and she could more easily make a friend there. I will also ask, for next year, that she be placed with someone from her school. She just doesn't seem to reach out to the other kids in her class.

As to why go at all: I think to be culturally literate in the West, you've got to know Adam and Eve, Noah's Ark, David and Goliath, etc. My daughter asks a lot of questions about death and God that I'd like a rabbi to answer since the questions are often beyond me. Yes, we have books at home, but learning in a group matters. The music is also wonderful. I want my daughter to be comfortable in a synagogue, and next year I think they visit and work on some community projects with some churches nearby, which I also value. The synagogue offers a lot. It's kind of like the doctor's office--she doesn't like to go there, either. Yet she must go. Wish I knew how to make it something she values.

A couple of issues.

One can be culturally literate with religious traditions and stories outside of attending Sunday school. I never attended Sunday school and certainly am familiar with such stories. Art, literature and cinema all reflect such stories. Secondly, you say you want her to have her questions about death and God answered by a rabbi rather than you. Be careful what you wish for, OP. Rabbis are not all wise and all knowing. Nor are they experts in child psychology or in your child. You are basically surrendering a parenting process to an outsider.

If you want your daughter to be comfortable in a synagogue (and I feel the same way about my own daughter), make it a place she looks forward to going, which she obviously does not right now. Make it a joy for her to be there, not a chore. Make sure the rabbi is someone whose opinion she respects and that you respect to, not someone who gives her a silly homily about death or a quote from Torah about God. And no, it should not be like the doctor's office. She shouldn't just go there when she is in trouble. It should be her spiritual home.

It sounds to me like you want to just pick a synagogue and send her there. Do you go too?

[Anonymous]

OP

What do you do when your kid is in Sunday school? Do you go home? Does your shul have any adult ed on Sunday morning? Do you model Jewish learning? Do you read books about Judaism, or secular Jewish culture?

Kids learn from what their parents do. Judaism that is outsourced to the synagogue religious school will not survive.

That said, some religious schools are not as good with curriculums, etc. I can only suggest changing synagogues, if necessary. Talk to the education director (perhaps that has been mentioned above, I did not want to wade through a lot of comments calling sunday school torture)

As for making friends I do not know what to say. My shy daughter, who had difficulty making friends in public school, did pretty well socially at religious school. She also saw her friends at Shabbat services, etc, so that helped.

[Anonymous]

I'm Jewish but never went to Hebrew school. When i was 11 or 12 my parents gave me a choice. They said that I could go to Hebrew school every Wednesday and Saturday for a year and then have a Bar Mitzvah ... or we could take that money and all go to Europe for a few weeks. My choice.

It was a fantastic trip that I remember to this day, more than thirty years later. I was a happy atheist Jew kid then and I'm a happy atheist Jew adult now and, although I spent a great deal of time examining and studying religion, do not at all regret foregoing either Hebrew school or a Bar Mitzvah.

As for your daughter, maybe you can talk to her about her views on religion and then take that as your starting point on how and whether she should develop or explore those views. She's old enough for her views to be taken into consideration.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You don't "gotta go"

x 1,000

[Anonymous]

I hated CCD classes. The nun called my parents and told them I could not be confirmed. Yeah for me!

Don't force it on your child. They will only resent you later.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I hated CCD classes. The nun called my parents and told them I could not be confirmed. Yeah for me!

Don't force it on your child. They will only resent you later.

And there's always time later in life to get religion -- people are exploring different religions all the time. Childhood is not the only opportunity -- it's just the only time (in our culture, at least) when a person can be forced to attend religious instruction in a particular faith.

[Anonymous]

I think the OP has good intentions but a bad process to achieve those goals. I hope things turn out OK but I thin you're going to do more harm than good.