my daughter hates religious school

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Eh. We all have our priorities in life.

I send my children to a weekend school in their native language. They hate it. I told them that I would rather lose my home and be homeless rather than pull them out of that school, because it was their link to our culture and language. End of discussion.

All of my friends have religious school, or their native language school (sometimes two native language schools if their parents are from different countries!), or something else of importance on weekends - your kids are NOT alone.

Leaning another language and culture is much more valuable than being taught that one religion's stories are real and more important than another religion's stories

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thanks for weighing in, even those who say, in effect, stop torturing your child. The goal is a Bat Mitzvah at age 12, followed by lots of camps (she's still too young for sleepaway camp right now--she struggles with "sleepovers" at friends' houses, which she craves.) I do think that summer camp gives you the best positive experience, and I'm looking for a good religious summer camp, but she likes the camp she attends now. So. I'm encouraged that so many of us disliked Sunday school, but survived and I guess learned something.

We tried a different synagogue closer to home and it was nice but not for us (too religious/conservative). My parents belong to the synagogue we now attend, which is more our speed (relaxed), and my folks are thrilled that we attend. That's part of why we go. I might try the children's services, even though they are early in the morning. I find them dull, but they're short and sweet and she could more easily make a friend there. I will also ask, for next year, that she be placed with someone from her school. She just doesn't seem to reach out to the other kids in her class.

As to why go at all: I think to be culturally literate in the West, you've got to know Adam and Eve, Noah's Ark, David and Goliath, etc. My daughter asks a lot of questions about death and God that I'd like a rabbi to answer since the questions are often beyond me. Yes, we have books at home, but learning in a group matters. The music is also wonderful. I want my daughter to be comfortable in a synagogue, and next year I think they visit and work on some community projects with some churches nearby, which I also value. The synagogue offers a lot. It's kind of like the doctor's office--she doesn't like to go there, either. Yet she must go. Wish I knew how to make it something she values.

Do you go to shul as a family? Do you light candles on Fridays? Celebrate holidays other than Rosh Hashanah/Yom Kippur/Passover? i.e., do you practice what you preach? Or do you just send your kid to Sunday school and call it a day?

I find that kids are often happier to go to religious school at more observant congregations because Judaism is more a part of their family's daily lives. But if none of the things she learns at Sunday school are reinforced in her day to day life, I can see why she'd resent going.

[Anonymous]

Send her to Jewish sleep away camp and junior youth group. I loved OSRUI in the Midwest but there are other URJ camps closer to DC.

[Anonymous]

Why has no one else which synagogue? I'm dying to know!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why has no one asked** which synagogue? I'm dying to know!

oops. Edited.

[Anonymous]

Well, it's not as if there is anything wrong with the synagogue. The kid hates Hebrew school just like every Jewish child in the history of Judaism.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Well, it's not as if there is anything wrong with the synagogue. The kid hates Hebrew school just like every Jewish child in the history of Judaism.

This made me laugh.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Well, it's not as if there is anything wrong with the synagogue. The kid hates Hebrew school just like every Jewish child in the history of Judaism.

This made me laugh.

ha ha, me, too. and my mother was a Hebrew school teacher!!

OP, i didn't love my religious school experience, but as an adult i am super happy that i had a bat mitzvah and have become much closer to Judaism (after pushing it away as a kid/teen/young adult). i think it is important to give our kids the knowledge and then, after the Bat/Bar Mitzvah, hands off and they get to decide how much Judaism they want in their lives. I agree with others to find another way for your DD to get the education in a way that is meaningful to her...join another shul where she has friends, or hire a tutor, or look into Moed...

good luck!

[Anonymous]

Maybe force her to study the Koran on the weekends instead? Same chance that she is not learning total gibberish.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thanks for weighing in, even those who say, in effect, stop torturing your child. The goal is a Bat Mitzvah at age 12, followed by lots of camps (she's still too young for sleepaway camp right now--she struggles with "sleepovers" at friends' houses, which she craves.) I do think that summer camp gives you the best positive experience, and I'm looking for a good religious summer camp, but she likes the camp she attends now. So. I'm encouraged that so many of us disliked Sunday school, but survived and I guess learned something.

We tried a different synagogue closer to home and it was nice but not for us (too religious/conservative). My parents belong to the synagogue we now attend, which is more our speed (relaxed), and my folks are thrilled that we attend. That's part of why we go. I might try the children's services, even though they are early in the morning. I find them dull, but they're short and sweet and she could more easily make a friend there. I will also ask, for next year, that she be placed with someone from her school. She just doesn't seem to reach out to the other kids in her class.

As to why go at all: I think to be culturally literate in the West, you've got to know Adam and Eve, Noah's Ark, David and Goliath, etc. My daughter asks a lot of questions about death and God that I'd like a rabbi to answer since the questions are often beyond me. Yes, we have books at home, but learning in a group matters. The music is also wonderful. I want my daughter to be comfortable in a synagogue, and next year I think they visit and work on some community projects with some churches nearby, which I also value. The synagogue offers a lot. It's kind of like the doctor's office--she doesn't like to go there, either. Yet she must go. Wish I knew how to make it something she values.

Do you go to shul as a family? Do you light candles on Fridays? Celebrate holidays other than Rosh Hashanah/Yom Kippur/Passover? i.e., do you practice what you preach? Or do you just send your kid to Sunday school and call it a day?

I find that kids are often happier to go to religious school at more observant congregations because Judaism is more a part of their family's daily lives. But if none of the things she learns at Sunday school are reinforced in her day to day life, I can see why she'd resent going.

+1

[Anonymous]

I'm not a Jew, but let me say I'm glad you Jews send your kids to Sunday school, as at least I can point out to my daughter that her friends that are other religions also have these obligations! Although it can be a chore, I think that's it's nice to educate oneself about one's religion--if you're going to be part of the group, might as well know what it's all about, after all.
I have started letting my child skip a couple times a semester. One year she got the perfect attendance award, and then I decided maybe we were being overly compunctious. So I let her pick a couple days that she's going to miss, and that's our compromise at the moment. I think in an ideal world, it would also help to talk with her about what she's learning, and give her positive feedback about how much progress she's making, how interesting the stuff she's sharing is, etc. I don't do that often enough.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Eh. We all have our priorities in life.

I send my children to a weekend school in their native language. They hate it. I told them that I would rather lose my home and be homeless rather than pull them out of that school, because it was their link to our culture and language. End of discussion.

All of my friends have religious school, or their native language school (sometimes two native language schools if their parents are from different countries!), or something else of importance on weekends - your kids are NOT alone.

Leaning another language and culture is much more valuable than being taught that one religion's stories are real and more important than another religion's stories

To you and me, perhaps. But not to the OP and million of other people. Religion is an integral part of culture. It is best to be aware of all major religions, but if OP wants an in-depth experience of *her* religion for her child, that's totally understandable.

[Anonymous]

I think that Jewish religious school is about both religion and culture and it gives the children a sense of community.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Eh. We all have our priorities in life.

I send my children to a weekend school in their native language. They hate it. I told them that I would rather lose my home and be homeless rather than pull them out of that school, because it was their link to our culture and language. End of discussion.

All of my friends have religious school, or their native language school (sometimes two native language schools if their parents are from different countries!), or something else of importance on weekends - your kids are NOT alone.

Leaning another language and culture is much more valuable than being taught that one religion's stories are real and more important than another religion's stories

To you and me, perhaps. But not to the OP and million of other people. Religion is an integral part of culture. It is best to be aware of all major religions, but if OP wants an in-depth experience of *her* religion for her child, that's totally understandable.

Understandable, yes, but not ultimately healthy for the child

[Anonymous]

Let her be more like a shiksa - she'll have a better shot at landing a jewish guy in the future.