S/O Living with in laws for child care

[Anonymous]

OP I know you have financial goals -- we all do -- but I wonder if it's really THAT important to meet all of your goals in one or two years no matter what the sacrifices. Isn't there a happy medium where you can work at a demanding but not insane job for 3-4 years and actually spend some time with your family during that time? Frankly my biggest worry here isn't your kid, because she'll be fine with caring ILs or good nannies. I wonder how you will possibly stay married after a year of living like this. My marriage is quite strong IMHO, and neither DH nor I have the types of stressful demanding jobs you're describing, but honestly it's still really hard sometimes to juggle new parenthood with two work schedules, new jobs, childcare providers, in-laws, finances, moving, etc. Any one of those things alone would be stressful-- what you've described sounds untenable. A year may seem short but it's more than long enough to tank a marriage.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP I know you have financial goals -- we all do -- but I wonder if it's really THAT important to meet all of your goals in one or two years no matter what the sacrifices. Isn't there a happy medium where you can work at a demanding but not insane job for 3-4 years and actually spend some time with your family during that time? Frankly my biggest worry here isn't your kid, because she'll be fine with caring ILs or good nannies. I wonder how you will possibly stay married after a year of living like this. My marriage is quite strong IMHO, and neither DH nor I have the types of stressful demanding jobs you're describing, but honestly it's still really hard sometimes to juggle new parenthood with two work schedules, new jobs, childcare providers, in-laws, finances, moving, etc. Any one of those things alone would be stressful-- what you've described sounds untenable. A year may seem short but it's more than long enough to tank a marriage.

This. The first year or two with kids is tough on a marriage no matter what. Add the stress of not seeing much of each other, not seeing the kid, etc.

Also if your MIl is against you working, you are going to have some serious conflicts when you go days without seeing your baby. But on the other hand, having family wake up with the baby and put her to bed will give her some semblance of a family life that multiple nannies can't provide. The two options on the table seem to be bad ones.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:is your MIL retired? Could she agree to come into the city 2 nights a week to take over from the nanny - esp. on those 9 to 9 days? You can put a daybed in baby's room and she could spend the night a couple nights a week.

BTW - Nannies sometimes call in sick, so you'll need a back up plan for that. Look into whether work has a back up day care arrangement.

I was thinking something similar, you don't save as much since you have to rent a place in the city. And you have to very careful that MIL is on board with this (depends on her personality, work/life situation). My mother would love to do something like this since she ha always been more of a city person but lhas always lived on the burbs/middle of no where because of my father.