S/O Living with in laws for child care

[Anonymous]

Spin off from the thread about evening child care for big law associate.

I, too, am about to start a very demanding job (finance - hours just like big law, but pay better). My husband's schedule stinks too. I have the option of moving in with my in laws. My 7 month old daughter would have a nanny by day and my in laws could take over her care in the evening, plus my MIL could be home with her and the nanny two days a week. Perks are peace of mind because of family to care for my daughter in the evenings and whenever the nanny gets sick or snowed in + saving huge sums on rent (we will be moving to NYC for my job). The huge minus is a shit commute: 1.5 hours one way and 3 hours daily. I could crash with my sister in the city some nights.

Also, we would have a spacious bedroom in my in laws' home, but it's not as if we'd have our own floor or anything. I get along well with my in laws. MIL is nosy in that Jewish mom way and wishes I'd stay home, but she is not too bad and ADORES my daughter. They have this shaggy, smelly dog, but I could deal.

The alternative is living in the city and dropping a small fortune on rent and two nannies BUT we would be walking distance from my office.

What would you all do? Shit commute and less privacy, but reliable family care for my daughter OR great commute, our own space, but 12+ hours of nanny care for my daughter?

[Anonymous]

I'd do two nannies and a short commute. That commuting time is time you could be spending with your daughter, and it seems like you won't have much of that, so need all you can get.

I think living with the MIL would get old REALLY fast, between the long hours, the lack of space, lack of privacy, the long commute, etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'd do two nannies and a short commute. That commuting time is time you could be spending with your daughter, and it seems like you won't have much of that, so need all you can get.

I think living with the MIL would get old REALLY fast, between the long hours, the lack of space, lack of privacy, the long commute, etc.

Totally agree. I think you are crazy to even think about it.

[Anonymous]

Definitely the short commute. You won't see your child awake during the week otherwise.

Long commute plus living with the ILs would get wearying fast.

[Anonymous]

Do au pair or a live- in nanny.

[Anonymous]

I posted on the other site about my brother and his 2 nannies (also in finance). Sounds like you can afford to live in the city near work, I'd do that. (You say small fortune, but you mean that if you said the # we'd throw up, but it must be doable for you). Think about those 3 hours. You could spend 2 high quality hours with your kiddo instead. Go home once a week for lunch, etc. And you could go back to work after dinner or bath time or whatever is the most quality time for you. If you have 3 hours wasted commuting you can never rush home and by the time you get home, you'll have a second with your girl, then be exhausted, have to small talk with MIL and hear about everything you missed during the day, then do more work in your cramped bedroom, etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do au pair or a live- in nanny.

She said au pairs can't work more than 45 hours. A live-in nanny might work more, but burn out might be an issue.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do au pair or a live- in nanny.

She said au pairs can't work more than 45 hours. A live-in nanny might work more, but burn out might be an issue.

The baby could go to daycare during the day and then the au pair could pick up in the mid-late afternoon and work say, 4pm -10pm or whatever the hours are.

[Anonymous]

Short commute is better.

[Anonymous]

Can you rent near ILs? This way you have your own place and child care?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Can you rent near ILs? This way you have your own place and child care?

or rent in between work and ILs... Just a thought.

[Anonymous]

I'd want to be closer to my children, period. Rushing home for an hour and a half for an emergency is no fun.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Can you rent near ILs? This way you have your own place and child care?

or rent in between work and ILs... Just a thought.

assuming OP's MIL drives, this can be a good option

[Anonymous]

Live closer to work. Even for the $70k. When you are working those types of hours you really can't afford 3 hours of commuting time when the trade off is seeing your child.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'd do two nannies and a short commute. That commuting time is time you could be spending with your daughter, and it seems like you won't have much of that, so need all you can get.

I think living with the MIL would get old REALLY fast, between the long hours, the lack of space, lack of privacy, the long commute, etc.

Wait, the OP still says she will have 12 + hours of nanny care for her daughter with the short commute (last paragraph of her OP). Am I reading correctly?
How does that leave any time for the OP with a 7 month old?

At least with family there would be someone genuinely loving and family to put child to bed and wake up with her.
OP can you clarify?