If your parents had no friends when you were growing up

[Anonymous]

My parents are both in the autism spectrum so I had an odd childhood and everyone stayed home a lot. Luckily a teacher, some coaches and my guidance counselor took me under their wing and got me involved in some positive extracurriculars, sports, social groups and even the same college the counselor had gone to.

I also went to counseling in college and during my first job to come to terms with how not normal my childhood was and how my parents cannot have meaningful or non-superficial conversations in anything.

I’d like to circle back to my guidance counselor and ask if she suspected anything of the sort.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You say that you have a few close friendships that you've had for a long time. That's great, and really, that's what most of us strive for. Do you think you'd be less lonely if you weren't SAH? I only have a few very close friends who I see regularly, but I work in a busy office where I have lots of interaction with co-workers and clients. So I'm perfectly happy to spend quiet evenings at home with my husband and child. I also make time to spend a good chunk of time with close friends, even if it's only for a girls' weekend once a year. Having a sizeable chunk of time where we can reconnect and really share what's going on in our lives is really important to me.

If you're looking to meet new people: book clubs, volunteering at your kids' school, playdates, gym classes, knitting or scrapbooking classes, volunteer opportunities. I've met some wonderful mothers while sorting clothes for a kid's clothes swap, for example, or chaperoning a field trip.

OP here. I have 2 friends from college (who live out of state) who I've known since college, and then a few friends here that I made in the last 5 years. However, I need more friends. The friends here don't seem to want/be able to get together more than once every few months, and I need more social interaction than that.

I am very lonely, but I don't think being a SAHM has anything to do with it. If anything, I was more lonely when I worked full-time, pre-kids. When I worked full-time I tried so hard to become friends with the other women in my office, and they weren't interested, and I was excluded from a lot of inter-office friendships. It was also lonely hearing about everyone's weekend plans during lunch when I never had any.

Anyhow, I have tried many different ways to make friends but none of it is working. I just wonder if maybe I don't really know how to make friends (do I need social skills help?) because my parents never had any friends. That's unusual in itself, I think. They said they didn't want or need friends. Oddly, though, my mother didn't have a good relationship with my father so they didn't even spend much time together, and didn't enjoy spending time together.

It was probably just your office. Job, place of worship, school moms, neighbors, this is normal pot of potentials.

This isn't college any more though. Hanging out is not as important as our children's social lives. We had our turn.

[Anonymous]

OP, how old are your kids? You need to make friends through your kids. Join the moms club. Host weekly play dates. Join a half day church preschool that attracts a lot of SAHMs. Be a room parent. Organize moms night outs. You can do the same in elementary school (though I find a lot of women go back to work as kids get older and then it becomes a little harder).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My parents are both in the autism spectrum so I had an odd childhood and everyone stayed home a lot. Luckily a teacher, some coaches and my guidance counselor took me under their wing and got me involved in some positive extracurriculars, sports, social groups and even the same college the counselor had gone to.

I also went to counseling in college and during my first job to come to terms with how not normal my childhood was and how my parents cannot have meaningful or non-superficial conversations in anything.

I’d like to circle back to my guidance counselor and ask if she suspected anything of the sort.

This is fascinating. You should do your own thread. I’d love to hear more. How you slowly uncovered your parents’ ASD. How the school staff knew to reach out and engage you in extracurriculars. What did the superficial conversations look like? How did they give you advice? What were the biggest “not normal childhood” realizations?

[Anonymous]

Sorry to burst your bubble, OP, but my parents were (and still are) extremely social. I used to joke with my friends that it was okay if I missed my curfew because my parents wouldn't be home until a couple hours later anyway. Even now, half the time when I call them, they're over in their neighbor's backyard, or out to eat with friends or something.

Yet, I still have a hard time making friends as an adult and DH and I don't socialize much despite me trying to make friends (part of this is that my DH isn't particularly social anymore, even though we used to be when we were young and going out all the time).

So this may not be your parents fault.