The Explosive Child

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Since you already have "an outstanding family psychologist and psychiatrist", what is the diagnosis? Didn't these people evaluate her?

She is terrorizing the family and screaming and throwing stuff and you are afraid of meds? OP, your posts don't make sense.

Why not start with firm and consistent boundaries before jumping in bed with Big Pharma?

I think the parents need some firm counseling too.

OP here (I will henceforth identify myself, so you might better help me). I agree with this completely. And I am reluctant to "get in bed with big pharma". I am no lobbyists buddy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:18:09 here again.

Has there been any major changes in life? Divorce, remarriage, change schools, death in the family, new sibling?

OP, to start with you and dh (if applicable) need to sit down and decide on consequences. Then you explain those consequences to your 10 year old.

Throwing, kicking, hitting etc. require a bigger consequence than yelling. If they need to hit, they can beat the crap out of their pillow.

Do you have any ideas for what might work for consequences? DS had to clean up any mess he made and work off the cost of any damage he did. (We replaced an inside door because he stabbed it with a knife. You will get no judgement from me on the things your child does.)

I know mine really didn't "get" the concept. Still doesn't sometimes.

Above all right now, while you wait for an appointment, remain calm. When dc is in full blown explosion is when you need to be calm, calm, calm. Or at least appear that way.

You've been on my mind. Those days were so scary. I don't know what I would have done without outside help.

OP here. No major changes.

[Anonymous]

NP. I too have been there. Punching & kicking, sisters dolls ripped in half, basic disregard for anything not his.

I pushed off the meds for a long time but it allowed my DS to be "available" for therapy. We don't plan to keep him on them but for now they are working and DS feels better. However, meds are a tiny fraction in the full equation. Definitely family counseling. You and your spouse need to speak in one voice. That helps your DS feel safe. I know, my DH and I have been at serious odds but now that we're in counseling we are a much stronger unit.

And yes, try to stay calm (I acknowledge it is so, so hard.) sing a song in your head, fantasize about laying on a beach, or calmly walk away (if DS only verbal) then lock yourself in your bedroom and scream into a pillow. Just don't let her see you angry. That will give her attention she craves.

And yes, to the poster saying parents are afraid of their kids. I walked on eggshells for years.

Stay strong.

[Anonymous]

Another thing to go along with remaining calm. Maintain eye contact with her. I can't remember why it works, but it does most of the time.

(I've posted before. Mine is the former door stabber.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Smart kids quickly learn that having an explosion has power. If you leave him by himself, what will happen, OP?

Has this already been addressed?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Smart kids quickly learn that having an explosion has power. If you leave him by himself, what will happen, OP?

Has this already been addressed?

+1000

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Since you already have "an outstanding family psychologist and psychiatrist", what is the diagnosis? Didn't these people evaluate her?

She is terrorizing the family and screaming and throwing stuff and you are afraid of meds? OP, your posts don't make sense.

Why not start with firm and consistent boundaries before jumping in bed with Big Pharma?

I think the parents need some firm counseling too.

OP here (I will henceforth identify myself, so you might better help me). I agree with this completely. And I am reluctant to "get in bed with big pharma". I am no lobbyists buddy.

You start with a diagnosis of your kid, get counseling for the family and child and behavioral supports. You may want to contact a behavioral therapist who can help you with ways to improve the home life.

If you do these things and your kid is still suffering, choosing meds that does not put you "in bed with big pharma." That is the silliest and most ignorant phrase I've seen on here. If your kid was a diabetic, you'd give her insulin, if she had trouble seeing, you'd get her glasses. Medication for anxiety or ADHD is really no different.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Smart kids quickly learn that having an explosion has power. If you leave him by himself, what will happen, OP?

Has this already been addressed?

OP here. This is our problem. We are torn. We don't want to leave her by herself sobbing.

Re: specialists - I am looking for opinions re: pros/cons of meds. Also, if there is a particular specialist in the NVA area, we would be open. If there is someone to avoid, we would also like to know.

If you have sought medical help, how did you get your child to attend office visits? She is too old to physically carry her.

So many questions. Thank you again.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Since you already have "an outstanding family psychologist and psychiatrist", what is the diagnosis? Didn't these people evaluate her?

She is terrorizing the family and screaming and throwing stuff and you are afraid of meds? OP, your posts don't make sense.

Why not start with firm and consistent boundaries before jumping in bed with Big Pharma?

I think the parents need some firm counseling too.

OP here (I will henceforth identify myself, so you might better help me). I agree with this completely. And I am reluctant to "get in bed with big pharma". I am no lobbyists buddy.

You start with a diagnosis of your kid, get counseling for the family and child and behavioral supports. You may want to contact a behavioral therapist who can help you with ways to improve the home life.

If you do these things and your kid is still suffering, choosing meds that does not put you "in bed with big pharma." That is the silliest and most ignorant phrase I've seen on here. If your kid was a diabetic, you'd give her insulin, if she had trouble seeing, you'd get her glasses. Medication for anxiety or ADHD is really no different.

OP here. Doesn't it "take away" who they are? Not trying to be mean or snarky - just genuinely wondering.

[Anonymous]

Yes, drugs do alter a child's brain development. That's why most of them aren't even tested on young children.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes, drugs do alter a child's brain development. That's why most of them aren't even tested on young children.

Isn't this true?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Smart kids quickly learn that having an explosion has power. If you leave him by himself, what will happen, OP?

So very true!

[Anonymous]

I don't know that meds would take away from who they are. However, at 10 I was also concerned about the effects.

OP, try other treatments first. Sometimes though the meds need to be used for the other treatments to be effective. We got through it without meds, but barely. Sometimes I wonder if ds would have been better off medicated.

[Anonymous]

Having gone through similar experiences when DS when younger, I would also mention that working with a great OT trained in Michelle Garcia's Superflex curriculum really helped DS. The OT and curriculum helped DS understand that everyone has difficult emotions, and didnt come at him in a way that pathologized his behavior, which had happened with child psychologists. Leaving much of the work to the OT also helped restore a close relationship between me and DS. I had walked on eggshells before and that just caused him to feel more isolated and helpless.

[Anonymous]

My child is so grateful that we tried medication and weren't completely opposed like some families. It did not "change" who he is- it allowed him to be less miserable by toning down the anxiety and depression.